#akoayien

So after a looooong day in the library, I decided to make another blog, not really sure what for exactly but I think it'll be more personal; no reblogs, only personal thoughts, pictures taken by me, of me, of my loved ones etc... Just not completely sure whether or not to make it private. But yeah it's called ayien ox and I've put a link to it on the bottom of my page :)

That is all :> tehee

We’re growing apart… and to be completely honest with you, a part of me wants to let go now… I’m sorry but I’m tired and I’m too hurt. I’m holding onto a piece of thread ;(

But the other part of me’s hoping this feeling will die soon because it doesn’t wanna give up :(

Please be strong enough for our friendship. Please.

Even on our last conversation I didn't know whether to believe the things you said to me or not. It was as if the person talking me was someone else, like you were saying these things but you didn't even mean them. It wasn't you at all. And it really hurt.

You used to make me smile like one else could. But you stole that smile back. You owe me. You owe me a best friend and a smile ;( I wanna believe that that guy that did all those things for me before is still there. I really do... Meanwhile

I've never been the best at transferring my feelings into words, nor explaining it to others. But the only thing I'm certain of is that I need to at least try and get it out into words because I'm sitting here in tears... again.

I never thought that I'd be in this situation with you; that what we had, our friendship I valued so much because of how different it was, would be just another painful memory. Those random flashbacks I get from songs that used to mean something to both of us. Flashbacks that breaks my heart again and again... and again. 

I could go on forever listing the things I miss, things that went to waste. Like how we used to talk for hours til late at night, cracking jokes, random quotes from Friends and South Park, breaking into random lyrics. Now I'm lucky to get a decent conversation with you. You used to want to talk to me all the time, go on a little mad one when I'd reply late or not reply til the next day, you used to tell me how much you miss your best friend and can't wait til the next time you see her. Now you make it seem like you're always busy.

The used to bes. The things we shared. Memories fade but there are pieces that's just too hard to forget. And I doubt you'll remember any of those.

I miss it. I miss your good morning texts. I miss your good night texts. I miss how you used to annoy me with your endless messages but secretly I used to laugh at it and it used to make me smile so much. I miss being able to talk to you about anything. I miss how you used to tell me everything. I miss how we used to value being in each others daily routine. I miss my best friend. I miss my superman. I miss the guy that had the power to turn my worst days into my best, the guy that had the power to make me smile uncontrollably, the guy that made me realise what it was to be genuinely happy. I miss you Dork. I miss you so much. 

So much has changed and it's hurting me. I can't help but think if I carry on being like this I'll just be stuck in the same place while you've already moved on. Every time I think of letting go a certain flashback always plays in my head; the phone conversation we had the day after 'it' happened. When you were crying and asking me not to leave you because you need me. But now, as much as it hurts to admit it, I can see you don't need me anymore and it's time.