#aisel

Since joining the Eurovision Song Contest, Azerbaijan has only missed qualifying for the Grand final twice.

The first time they failed to qualify was in 2018, where Aisel's 'X My Heart' earned only 94 points in its semi-final, placing 11th.

Next, TuralTuranX's 'Tell Me More' placed 14th in their 2023 semi-final, earning only 4 points.

[Source]

255. Gjoko Taneski - “Jas ja imam silata” F.Y.R. Macedonia 2010

A perfectly servicable, if dated song. “Jas ja imam silata” mostly struggles because it is outclassed by other entries that came after it. I *liked* it back in 2010, however... “Identitet” does rock better, “Na inat” is better at providing the “I will find my inner strength” message, “Ljubav je” did random rapper interventions better, etc. The Gjoko experience is a pleasant one overall, but not one I feel particularly strongly about. 

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254. TAKASA - “You and me” Switzerland 2013

Lmao these tards <3 TAKASA’s entire draw was “WE ARE SALVATION ARMY SOLDIERS!!! ADMIRE OUR UNIFORMS!!! 👼 (and our internalized homophobia)” and the EBU was like  “um the world has had enough, don’t get too political.” and forced them to drop it <3

Of course, while it is funny that the fucking Salvation Army is considered too political for ESC, stripping TAKASA of their identity also made their participation average AF. Standing in a line wearing the most generic outfits ever does NOT retain anyone’s interest, sadly :(

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253. AISEL - “X my heart” Azerbaijan 2018

[2018 review here]

There’s a fascinating dichotomy with “X my heart” that I just cannot wrap my mind around. It’s utterly bonkers. Song of literal gibberish <3 With a silly as fuck aerobics choreo <3 GIANT CGI GLOBE THAT SPINS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION <3 

However, at the same time it’s also... really fucking boring? lol. Part of it comes from the fact that “X My Heart”’s trademark insanity is really hard to pick up on for casual viewers and just comes off as weird and confusing instead. However, mostly it just comes from the fact that “X My Heart” is kind of an underwhelming, generic, lazy composition. Oh well. 

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252. Sergey Lazarev - “Scream” Russia 2019

~FINALLY I CAN SAY, HE’S A BOTTOM AND IT’S OKAY~

However, because Russia have a problem with happy gay men, they of course had to interfere with my amusement and insert some expensive, tryhard staging that received critical acclaim, somehow? Why did anyone like that act omfg I’m still screaming (no pun intended) at it. Where is the taste? It didn’t look impressive. You could always see which of the “clones” was the real Sergey. It looked ARTIFICIAL AS FUCK and didn’t suit the song. Woeful staging. 

Which is a pity because “Scream” is just melodramatic and silly enough to merit ironic stanning. Ugh. It’s baaaasically the same trajectory as “You are the only one”. I will lay off any further explanation until we get to that write-up though, because it’s a much better song than “Scream” is...x

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251. InCulto - “Eastern European Funk” Lithuania 2010

When InCulto were initially hailed as “The New LT United” it immediately triggered all of my panic buttons, because “We are the winners” is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to Eurovision!!!! 

Fortunately, “Eastern European Funk” isn’t nearly as demonic and even slightly enjoyable? It’s obvious joke fodder than I don’t mind. The styrofoam instruments <3 the glitter speedos <3 the acapella at the start <3 It is frivilous to the extent nobody can take it seriously, ever <3 On the flip side, this song is really fucking annoying lol. <3