#agonizer

2:45 AM EDT May 22, 2026:

Melvins - "Agonizer" From the album Ozma (1989)

Knowing as we do that the DJD exists to root out cowardice and treason in the Decepticon ranks, has any version of that group been tasked with eliminating the most treasonous coward of the all, Air Commander Starscream? What's their track record in the task, multiversally speaking?

Dear Slippery Seeker,

Surely by now you know that Starscream is hard to catch, harder to implicate, and most difficult to kill (well, for any substantial length of time)! As a result, the summary judgements you imagine aren't as common as you might think—but I will recount to you one instance where Starscream tangled with Megatron’s enforcers.

When they came for him, he didn’t even try to deny the allegations, having himself long lost track of his various misdeeds. Instead, he offered to pay Tarn off. Of course, no amount of money could buy mercy from Tarn—so instead, Starscream promised to supply the leader of the D.J.D. with enough morphcores to feed his addiction indefinitely, even producing one on the spot for him. Tarn was tempted, and appeared to seriously consider the offer… but when he sampled the morphcore, he immediately deduced that it was counterfeit, quickly 3D-printed by Swindle for this ruse of Starscream’s.

Tarn aimed his fusion cannons at Starscream’s head, but the Seeker just laughed. This cheap spare-part scam was itself only part of a subtler gambit: Starscream had recorded everything, and was prepared to transmit the footage across all Decepticon channels. That one moment of hesitation… it would have been enough to show everyone that the incipient D.J.D. were ordinary mechs, with ordinary vices, who could be bargained with. Perhaps they could have corrected that impression, with time and creativity… but Tarn knew how Megatron would react, knowing that he had given even the slightest thought to exonerating Starscream over such a trifle.

Thursday, December 3: Agonizer, “Trooper”