#agere reader

You woke up almost two weeks after Grace, which gave him enough time to at least remember who you were. His little one stuck with him in space where you absolutely didn't belong. At least there were plenty of supplies for you, especially when you woke up terrified and screaming.

"Hey, hey, hey baby, it's okay..." Grace whispers as you scramble away from him slightly. "Well, it's not. It's not okay, but I'm here, okay? Papa's here." He soothes coaxing you towards him with a stuffed animal closest to him.

"The little one is in a very small headspace and needs to be changed. They are also hungry." The ship announces, which startles you enough to crawl into his lap.

"Thank you, Mary.." He rubs your back, watching you squeeze the plushie against your face. "That's it... I'm glad that you're awake with me. It was really lonely all by myself." You look up at him, smiling slightly as you reach out to touch his glasses.

Grace changed you into a diaper and a softer jumpsuit before Mary gave him a bottle of some kind. "Nutritional supplements that are good for the little one. Only one bottle for now." She explains, which makes Grace sigh.

If you were anything like him, you would still be hungry after. Maybe you wouldn't fuss. He makes sure to angle the bottle down so you don't drink too fast, even when it makes your face scrunch angrily. His memories were still so fuzzy, to the point he barely remembered himself, but he rembered you.

୨ৎ caregiver!henry who thinks you're just the prettiest little he's ever laid eyes on. like everything about the way you look itches his brain in just the right way. your eyes are the perfect shade, your skin is so beautiful, adorned with all its unique stretch marks and moles and scars and birthmarks, his hands are almost always jumping at the opportunity to entangle themselves throughout your hair.

୨ৎ he's always dressing you up in the finest quality dresses. layers of frills and lace and ruffles with pearl details, he spares no expense when it comes to your wardrobe. and don't start with accessories, there's a giant lavish jewelry box filled up with delicate, detailed necklaces with matching bracelets, little dainty rings, hairclips and silk bows, ruffle socks and pretty stockings. you even have a few tiaras that you like to wear on occasion.

୨ৎ his nicknames for you include darling, prince/ss, dove, and angel. he always has to include 'my' to preface any nickname.

୨ৎ your bedroom is a work of art that any little would drool in jealousy over. decorated to the nines with frilly curtains, ornate white furniture sets, delicate floral wallpaper, tons of plush toys of your favorite critters and characters, bookshelves piled with all sorts of different little books and cubbies full of toys, games, and puzzles. your bed is really fancy, with a poofy bed skirt, a giant duvet and sheets in your favorite fabric blend so that they're perfect to your sensory liking, a canopy in your favorite color that you can pull around to block out the light and, of course, topped with dozens of fluffy ruffly pillows and a special teddy bear that is your favorite.

୨ৎ although, your bedroom very quickly turned into more of a playroom than anything. after the first week, you decided you didn't like being alone in the unfamiliar house. the creeks in the halls and the shadows along the windows were scary and you missed henry's warmth, so you started crawling into his bed.

୨ৎ the first time you did it, you'd started out in your room. he'd tucked you in and kissed your forehead goodnight before going to his bed to read a book, his reading glasses perched on his nose and his bedside lamp turned low. and then maybe twenty minutes later, you cracked open his door and just climbed into his bed, curling up and tucking your face into his side to block out the light. initially, he was a little startled. he'd tried so hard to make your bedroom perfectly to your liking, was it not good enough?

୨ৎ he soon realized it wasn't that. in fact, the truth made him very happy—you just wanted to be near him! you actually found comfort in his presence and felt safe with him. when you told him that, so casually, he swore he'd never felt fonder of anyone in his whole life.

୨ৎ so, you sleeping in his bed while he read to you from whatever big book he was currently reading became the new normal, and both of you were relieved for this new sleeping arrangement.

୨ৎ henry always has the fridge and freezer stocked to the brim with all your favorite fruits, vegetables, desserts, pasta, anything and everything you like is always there whenever you want it. his kitchen is like your own supermarket personalized for you.

୨ৎ when you first arrive to his house, it's hard for you to get accustomed to being taken care of. you're so used to doing everything for yourself that it's hard for you to initially accept the help. every time he catches you trying to riffle through the kitchen cupboards for something to bake, he takes your hand and carefully helps you down from the stepstool, tutting at you that it's his job to do those big difficult tasks.

୨ৎ "here, let me help you down from there. those big responsibilities are for me to worry about, my prince/ss. sit down at the table and let me take care of you, my darling."

୨ৎ same goes for getting dressed, bathing, etc. every morning when you're ready to get up, he goes to your closet and always knows precisely the item he wants to pick out for you. somehow, it's always exactly the one you were hoping he'd reach for. strange.

୨ৎ at first, he has to gently command you. "arms up, my dove. there we go, right then left. now turn around so I can zip you up." you've since gotten so used to the routine and already know the motions, but sometimes he still likes to repeat them, nonetheless.

୨ৎ baths are one of your favorite past times. he always takes the time to massage the sudsy shampoo into your scalp, massaging your neck and shoulders while he's at it, and shields your eyes when he rinses any product out of your hair.

୨ৎ you love sitting on his lap while he reads the paper, pretending as if he has any concern for what goes on in the outside world. if you sit still and don't wiggle around, you get to read the comics and help him with his cross words. even though 99% of the time you don't know the big words required for the game, the times that you do happen to guess correctly he's quick to praise you for what a smart baby you are.

୨ৎ in fact, henry is quick to praise you all the time. anytime you get a chance to show off your smarts or quick wit, he's telling you how bright you are and how proud he is of you. he's always giving you little praises throughout the day, about how pretty are you, how well you're getting at learning to ride your bike, how your piano playing is growing better and better with every passing day, how good you are because you ate almost your whole dinner.

୨ৎ the only time he doesn't praise you is when you get in trouble. then, he's very quick to correct your behavior. I wouldn't say he's necessarily cruel when it comes to punishments, but he'll accidentally let his temper get the best of him and raise his voice on the odd occasion. but it takes quite a bit for him to get to that point with you. he's pretty lenient and would rather just have a firm talk than to scare you.

୨ৎ actually, he would have a three-strike rule for most things. like if you keep putting your hand too close to the hot stovetop, or if you wander into a part of the house that's forbidden.

୨ৎ if you break the rules three times then he would give you a spanking over his knee. he has to teach you that it's best to listen to him, that he's only trying to keep you safe and do what's best for you. daddy always knows best. and he'd made sure to sit you up on his lap afterwards and wipe your tears away with his thumbs, cradling your little beat red face in his large palms while he coos your crying down to the occasional sniffle.

"i'm very sorry, my darling. but you needed to learn right from wrong. and i am always right."

୨ৎ tough love aside, he's very patient with you. he likes to gently help you, like if you're getting frustrating trying to learn something he will nudge you in the right direction, but he loves to see the way your eyes light up when it finally clicks in your brain. and he makes sure to tell you that it's all you, that you're able to figure things out because you're smart, not because he's there to help you.

୨ৎ you both love playing games together. hide and seek, board games, card games, trivia. sometimes he even puts together his own games for you, like scavenger hunts or word games to keep you occupied while he's gone on business.

୨ৎ henry is the king of tea parties, and he makes sure to take it all very seriously. if you asked sweetly, he'd even let you play with his nice tea sets and he'd brew some tea on the stove for you. a dish of sugar cubes, a couple slices of lemon, even some mint leaves if you like that. he'd also plate some muffins or brownies for you. and your plushies would be allowed to sit at the dining table. he'd ask to be introduced to each of them, smiling fondly at you as you begin listing off their names and he'd always make sure to memorize and properly address them.

୨ৎ whenever he's gone, he makes sure to leave lots of records of your favorite musical artists within your arms reach so that you never get lonely. he even made some recordings of himself reading stories so that you can listen to them when you miss the sound of his voice.

୨ৎ while he's gone, you begin to realize how much you miss his assistance for things like cooking or styling your hair. your food never tastes nearly as good as when he makes it, and your braids and ponytails never turn out as even or pristine as when he does them for you.

୨ৎ as much as you miss him, it's actually harder for him to leave you. he's near constantly missing your warm presence, your happiness, just everything that combines to make you you. he's constantly checking in on you with his mind, although you don't know it. he just gets really worried sometimes and wants to make sure that you're safe and following all the rules.

୨ৎ when you're alone you dance around the house extra crazy like and he spies on you, he finds it adorable. then, when he walks through the front door and you freeze to a halt, he takes your hands within his and smiles knowingly, giving you a twirl, "go ahead, my little dove. you're free to dance as wildly to your hearts content. don't let me stop you."

୨ৎ okay it might be a douchebag move but i think he'd manifest little harmless but visually scary monsters underneath your bed or shadowy figures ghosting around corners in the house just so you have an excuse to run to him and he can protect you. he'd banish them all, making sure to show you how good he is at keeping you safe from anything and everything that you don't like.

"it's okay, my prince/ss, you're fine. i've banished all the monsters to a place far, far from here. someplace where they can't hurt you." he reassures you as he's crouched down to hug you close and smooth down your hair as you shake like a leaf and whimper in his arms.

୨ৎ he'd also control the weather to have the occasional thunderstorm so that you'll cower into his arms and he can hold and coddle you. he knows it's wrong and manipulative, but he justifies it by convincing himself that the things he manifests are never truly harmful to you. they give you a little scare and a jolt, but he would never, never ever harm you physically or let anybody else lay a hand on you for that matter.

୨ৎ henry just needs to feel like he's important and worthy for you. he needs to feel like he's the best caregiver he can possibly be for you so that you never lose interest or decide that you don't need him anymore. that's his worst nightmare. he would go to any lengths to prove to you that he can be helpful in your life, and he will do absolutely anything you ask if it means you'll always love him.

ever since moving out, you could regress more – allowing your mind to slip into it instead of waiting for it to forcibly rescue you from the flaming rubble of your adult life and tie you down to your bed with your favorite cartoon and a capri sun. you wouldn't have to worry about your parents coming into your room and catching you coloring away in your book or soothing yourself on biting your fingers. free in your own home, you could sit in the middle of your couch, criss cross applesauce with nothing to worry about except how the animated animals across your screen were going to solve this episode's friendship emergency.

though, the day your life went from quiet and upsettingly unemployed to eventful (and still unemployed), things started to get a little.. hectic.

day one, you met skylar specs – the cutest pair of aviators that arrived on your doorstep, a golden retriever cutie in a pretty pink package, that introduced herself as your dateviators. you also met her friends, dorian and phoenicia – your doors and your own cellphone –, and already, meeting the personified versions of the objects around your house was already a little much. to make it worse, over time, you realized how much they had known about you this whole time. like.. since you've moved in.

everytime you met a new person.. object?.. or dateable, as skylar called them, you tried to hide the slight embarrassment that murmured in the back of your mind.

despite that, the dateable were just lovely – some more than others. there was just.. something that bothered you about them practically being awake and conscious around your house at all times.

you felt yourself change over time as the days merged together. between meeting new dateables everyday and working to get to know them and the knowledge that your household items were more or less watching you constantly, the realization of how exhausting it could all get dawned on you over time.

for days without end, in your own house, your safe space, you end up masking – hiding parts of yourself to socially appeal to the beings around you. you start adapting to those around you: becoming more flirtatious with some, being sassy with others, somehow being meaner and nicer within the same hour to please your breaker box or your bathroom. some may say it's something everyone does to get by, but it's different. it's exhausting when there's no end to the way you micromanage yourself.

day whatever you're on at this point, you're introduced with a new task, story, and errand. the ghost in your attic is asking for her necklace that's been with the 80's time capsule boy you found in your crawlspace and your piano is asking – or more like demanding – for these very specific environmental factors that require you to run from your vaccum to your hvac system to your lights to your tv to your record player to make sure everything is just right. your dateviators run out before you can truly finish everything and at the end of each day, you crash on your bed with a very whiny apology slipping out of your lips to betty.

she looks at you with sweet eyes and a caring aura as she pets your hair, letting you snuggle into her pillows. the way she pets you sends a chill down your spine. it lulls you into her lap and, for a second, you feel your fingers crawl towards your lips.. but you stop them – just in time before she notices.

you cannot let yourself slip, you tell yourself. not with everyone around. not when everyone can see.

it's another stressor – debating when or even if you'll tell your housemates. you're aware they've seen you do it before. if not your chatty bar downstairs, then definitely your caregiver worthy bed and blankets. but that was before.

before you knew they could see, and form opinions, and talk. before you knew you could be judged.

and this was now – where you carefully choose what to say to others, depending on their personalities, like you were choosing dialogue options in a dating game 24/7.

and your lovers and friends have started to take notice.

when it comes to another day and another task, you're stopped on your way to your home gym. your hands are full of party supplies you're delivering with the holly jolly soul of your busy abode, but that doesn't seem to dawn on the feminine pair in front of you. a pair of sharp eyes draw you in as much as the gentle face below her, colored with carefully concealed concern.

"darling, can we borrow you for a minute?" ceilia calls you over and you notice that – not only is florence with her – but so is every being from your bedroom. including lux and tina. at first, you think you're hallucinating them, but when florence tells them to put their phones away, you're convinced you're not.

"oh gosh, did something happen? what are you all doing here?"

"we wanted to talk to you about somethin'. do you have a second?" betty's sultry voice is music to your ears, but the weight of the box in your arms interrupts her concerto.

"yeah! just let me hand these off to holly and–" you start to head into your home gym, but dorian's heavy build blocks your way. you huff, the smile on your lips growing strained. "excuse me, dorian."

"i don't think so." those crossed arms of his give off serious energy – even more serious than usual. abel comes up beside you to coax the box out of your hands, but you step back defensively, nearly protecting it.

if you don't, something might slip out, after all.

"azizam, you look exhausted. why don't you let abel help you?"

don't let it slip. you pull the box towards you.

"i've got it." you say it in the beat of a breath, a bit faster than you expected to. you hope they don't notice. they do. "i don't appreciate being boxed in like this."

"you're a busy bee, it's hard to slow you down." florence comes up to you, along with amir, and your body reacts the way a deer's would underneath the eyes of a vulture's – it freezes. there's an open circle around you. no one is too far, but you feel they are standing too close. there's nothing you could have done to be treated like a rabbit that escaped its cage, yet you shake like one regardless. "we're not meaning to corner you, dear, we just think you're in need of.. well.."

"an intervention, to put it bluntly." the mayor rejoins the front lines. "you've been running around quite a lot, haven't you? you're almost turning into a second holly."

"not that we don't love holly or her help! or your help!"

"of course. we just believe that you're handling a bit more than you should." the beings around the mayor nod carefully, a circle of agreement to a question, one unasked and unpromted. you huff, stiffly moving around everyone to the stairs, though it isn't easy. florence follows you like a fawn and you have to nudge amir's shoulder to move by him.

"i am fine, everyone."

"yeah, so was holly."

"curt, rod." you've never heard a sharp tone from florence before. it almost startles you. "we're not saying you're not fine, honey, we're just wondering when the last time you sat down for a cup of tea was, so to speak."

"just yesterday! when i was telling ceilia about the tipsy tumbler!"

"oh, not literally! when was the last time you took a break?"

"it doesn't matter, florence!" you whine like a teenager, growing tired of the conversation. even your tone grows tense, the way eddie's does when asked too many questions. "can i get back to work? i have shit to do."

"if you can talk to us, we can let you finish your task." ceilia steps forward and your grip grows impossibly tighter on the sides of the delivery box, pulling enough to nearly break through the cardboard. "we would only like for you to relax!"

"what is it to any of you what my schedule is like!?"

"well, i am the mayor–"

"–and i'm the homeowner! so, please, do not tell me to relax!" it comes out harsher than expected. you're surprised at the volume of your own voice. it startles you as much as it does everyone else. ceilia freezes, florence and betty cover their mouths, even tina and lux flinch in their spots. you haven't heard someone raise their voice in this house since you got harper and dirk sorted out. when it rips out your throat, it feels.. far away, as if it came from someone else. the next voice that comes out of you is much softer as you scramble for the right words. "i'm sorry, ceilia; i'm sorry. i shouldn't shout. i.. i'm.."

it's quiet. the top of the stairs is too quiet as eyes peer into you; watching. staring. judging. the bottom of the stairs feels like it stretches out farther and farther away, as if you're standing on the tallest mountain, and it makes you feel smaller than ever. it's the same feeling you had when playing as a child, standing proudly atop of the stairs as if you had conquered mount everest itself. though, this wasn't a joyful pride. this was.. fear. the fear that you felt when you were on top of the fireman's pole at the playground or when your parent thought you were brave enough to go down the mall's escalator without them carrying you.

except this time, there were no arms to lift you up and carry you down.

you let the box slip out of your arms. it tips on the floor, handmade letters and sparkly stickers spreading across the stairs, tumbling down the way a snowball would. you catch a glimpse of stella trying to catch it with abel's help through your tears as you slide down the wall to sit. a few figures squat down beside you and the gentle touches of their hands are both drowning and rescuing. you try to look around, but all you catch are heads peeking out of rooms to catch sight of their human breaking down on the floor. it's overwhelming. there are voices coming from the bottom of the stairs – worried ones from the office and the kitchen – and there are some calling out from the rest of the hallway behind dorian, who's trying his hardest to keep them from you to give you space.

you barely process it, but betty calls the hanks from your closest to lift you up in their arms, carrying you back into your bedroom. they set you down gently on the bed, but the ladies send them away before their panicking makes you cry any harder. she climbs in behind you, resting your head on her laps, like she always does. she pets your head, hushing you gently as you sob.

"you're okay, baby. betty's got you." she soothes.

she notices how you've curled up in her lap, how you almost have teddy in a death grip in your hands. she notices the way you press your head into her stomach, almost trying to hide underneath her.

and she notices.. you have your fingers in your mouth.

she notices, but she doesn't bring it to attention.

and in the heat of the moment, you cry yourself to sleep in her lap.

you're not sure what time it is when you wake up.

the sun is up, but you're not sure if it's friday's sun or saturday's sun. your mind is blurry with the memories of earlier. last you remember was moving around the house with letters from holly, next you were.. where you are now. in bed, snug as a bug in a rug with your teddy tight in your arms and your fingers in your mouth.

when you look around, you lock eyes with a cat boy sitting criss crossed on your dresser, nearly staring into the soul of the watch on his wrist. when you sit up, he jumps slightly, turning his attention to you as you rub the sleepiness out of your eyes.

"about time you stirred awake! don't you know you're off your sleeping schedule?" you register the funny way he pronounces that big word – schedule. schhhhedule. – before he springs off of your dresser and crawls out of your room, shouting something the staircase about you being "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed". you're a bit awkward now, alone in a big bed, in your big room, but feeling so small. it doesn't last long before a gentle hand taps your shoulder.

when you turn, the hand is connected to a beautiful face with a shimmering outfit and long black hair, but his name, you can't quite make out on your tongue. it's in your mind, but it can't travel farther than that. he dips to sit in front of you, eyes heavy with an ironically gentle concern.

"oh, goodness, you almost scared us there with how long you were out for."

so this was saturday's sun. your mind could piece that much together. the back of amir's hand presses against your cheek, then the other, then your neck, and his nails against your skin pulls a giggle from your lips. his heart nearly melts at the sound.

"does that tickle, azizam?" your doe-eyed gaze meets his when you nod, a little exaggeratedly. it's beyond adorable. "i was simply making sure you didn't work yourself into a fever. how do you feel?"

you attempt to respond, but all that comes out is a small whine. it's the sound of a hamster in its wheel – soft and high. you try again, but to no avail, you get more tiny hamster noises. you feel amir's hand hold yours, smoothing over the skin with his thumb as you wake up more. your face scrunches in disappointment when your vocal cords don't work the way you want them to. there's no pressure from the shining man in front of you, though. he sits, patiently, telling you to take your time as he tries to fix the messy bedhead you've presented him. after a minute, you conjure a small word in response. almost half a word, when you think about it.

"..hun'ry."

amir smiles, holding your chin up beneath his fingers.

"hungry?" you return his smile and hum. "well, i think ms. betty is working on a little something to fix that."

"technically, stephan made it, but i was the one who had a favor to cash in, so i hope you feel happy with some waffles." you beam when locs of pink catch your eyes. she enters, a tray in her arms and a gentle smile on her lips. you lean into her side the second she sits down, her arm wrapping around your shoulders.

"can you tell mama how old you are?" you process her words for a second, holding up your hands to show her how far you regressed. even with your little struggle, she smiles, handing you your drink. "good job, baby. eat your breakfast, okay? we have a long day ahead."

"betty?" amir leans in her ear, his laugh coming off a bit more nervous than he meant it to. "we've never taken care of them before."

he wasn't wrong. before the dateviators, whenever you regressed, you'd handle everything yourself. you'd make your own small meals and you'd comfort yourself in betty's embrace under mateo before you knew begty and mateo were even there. this time, they felt they had to be attentive to you.

it takes a minute, but betty turns her attention to you, upper lip brushed wirh a little mustache from your drink. she wipes it away with her thumb, a sparkle in her eye that matches yours.

"well then.. what do you wanna do, baby?"

throughout the rest of the day, you were passed around the house for little activities. when you got tired of coloring with artt, you were whisked away by telly and koa for some cartoons. tyrell was never far behind when you spilled the juice that freddy gave you.

parker and chance came together for the best rounds of bubblegum and candyland while mac, dolly, and lyric were the first ones to turn to whenever you needed an answer to whatever big questions you conjured up in your little mind. mateo made sure the inanimals behaved around you and airyn and hector made sure you were never too cold or too hot. even when you got fussy mid-day, betty welcomed you into her arms for naptime with a story from teddy.

rebel was much less rebellious around you and made sure to watch their ducking mouth when bathsheba was setting up your bedtime bubble bath. berry was very, very careful when helping you brush your teeth and when giving you the most fascinating fun facts about your favorite animals as tyrell was helping you dry off.

everyone, here and there, helped you relax and admired you in their own little ways.

dunk flushed about your excitement when you came around to jump rope a bit after lunch and bev whipped up the sweetest mocktails she could when you came around to beg for one of her "big kid" drinks. even when you wandered into the breaker box, eddie kept you from the real drinks while volt stayed by your side when johnny splash was singing up on stage.

it was just after total sunset when you started to talk a bit more maturely, walked a bit more balanced, and didn't have that doe-eyed glossy look anymore. you were just getting finished with your third piggyback ride from dasha when you tapped her shoulder, voice less tiny than it had been a couple minutes.

"dasha?"

"yes, malyshka?"

"can you.. put me down, please?" she's almost confused when you asked, but does so immediately, your feet touching the ground as your mind becomes less foggy. your eyes wander around to the beings around you. they're almost.. livelier than usual. there's gentle chatter all around you, from artt and lady memoria talking about your coloring books to daisuke and mitchell linn cleaning away your little dinner.

"are you done playing, my little zayka?"

fond memories of the day come into the forefront of your mind as you feel like hiding. not like when you slipped away into your little space earlier, but out of pure embarrassment. you slide your face into your hands, head banging the wall behind you. dasha fussed at you about being careful, but it went over your head for the most part. you wandered off through the living room and up the steps of the stairs, ignoring the calls of the dateables across the rooms, and landing face down in your bed. coincidentally, betty sits there with a little smile across her lips when you do.

"feeling better, hon?"

it's embarrassing, actually. because you do. you're calmer. everything you've had to do today has been up to you. surprisingly, there's less tension in your body overall. it wasn't a miracle cure for all pain, but you aren't gritting your teeth as much, and your cheeks aren't hurting from a strained smile. they burn with the genuine joy from the day.. and an awkward realization you've probably been calling your lovers and friends "mama/dada" and "sissy/bubby" all day.

"i'm sorry for... all of that."

"sorry? oh no, no, lover. there's nothing to be sorry for." she's almost taken aback when she hears your apologetic little voice. as much as you try to look away, she takes your hands into hers, earnestly. "today was such a blast. everyone had so much fun, you seemed to enjoy yourself, too. you had the cutest smile on your face when you were going through farya's bandaids." she sighs fondly. "as much as it was a break for you, it was a break for us, too – a chance to take care of you the way you take care of us, basically. i'm sure if you asked anyone in the house, they'd tell you the same."

it doesn't take long for that to be proven. even turning your head slightly to the side, you see amir nodding, alongside the hanks, who are still playing with the paper airplanes you made after lunchtime.

"lover, look at me." betty grows a bit serious while staying gentle. she never once lets go of your hands and it almost keeps you grounded in her love for you. "you don't have to hold back from slipping, y'know. you did it long before the dateviators and we never minded."

"though, it did give daisuke a heart attack when you used the knives in that state." a sharp voice crawls into the room and your face flushes with more embarrassment than ever before.

"mayor ceilia, i–"

"all we ever wanted was for you to take a break. i guess you worked yourself into a forced day off.. but, like our holly, you need a conscious day off."

"no errands, no tasks! just you and an affogato!" florence invites herself in behind her taller counterpart. "kopi taught me that one."

"can that be tomorrow's task, perhaps? a "do-nothing" task, if you will?" you give her a soft smile.

"dorian?"

"i'll make sure no one bothers you." he huffs, answering your question before you can even start it, but the small grin on his face lets you know the blunt response is out of love and care, as everyone else's actions had been throughout the day. you lay your head back against betty's chest, relaxing against her.

perhaps this was what you needed. when dating everything goes from an enchanting experience to a neverending nerve-wracking nightmare, sometimes you have to slip into an old – or rather young – habit. allowing yourself to be taken care of instead of running around for everyone gave you a breathing moment. in the next couple days, you simply revisited some of your companions before taking up another task or quest that another dateable could send you on. when you come up the stairs and tuck yourself into bed, you don't notice it, but the mayor and her darling assistant share a relieved smile with your bed as you drifted off to sleep instead of crash landing in your dream world.

despite the hesitation to get there, a bit of self care was bringing you a long way. maybe.. if you feel a box slipping in your arms again, you should let it. perhaps there will be someone – or something – there to catch you both on the way down.

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You loved trailing behind your siblings. Mainly your brothers. Neteyam, Lo’ak and Spider. Always trotting closely that you’ve stepped on their tails more times than they could count. They never said anything but you definitely stayed walking in their shadows. Only Lo’ak would show signs of annoyance when your small heel would dig into the sensitive bone.

Spider would quickly pull you back and Neteyam would give his brother a look. They knew you didn’t mean it. Like you were often clumsy within your headspace and Lo’ak never tried to outwardly show it but tails were sensitive even if they were fun to play with they needed to be handled with care.

“Hey listen to me really quick Paskalin..remember what Dad said about space.”, Neteyam turned bending down placing his hands on your shoulders waiting until your eyes met his. It was easy for you to get distracted especially when your brothers brought you along for walks in the forest.

“Remember, at least an arm's length or walk beside us”, Neteyam hummed hoping to gauge your memory. You perked up slightly at the familiar words. It was something Jake always found himself repeating. Something you giggled at repeatedly yet swore to stick by.

“I remember ‘Teyam!”

“Good, now how about you hold my hand so that you don’t accidentally step on Lo’ak’s tail again. Ok buddy”, Neteyam held his hand out for you to grab and you took it without much care, trotting beside him to keep up with his quick strides. He wasn’t walking fast but he was also 8’2 and you were only 5’5. Smaller than Tuk.

“Hurry up! Or we’ll miss the herd”, Lo’ak called from the front. His shoulders sagging at being stopped once again. Usually the three boys would have been back at hometree by now. Carrying at least 2 or 3 yeriks to present to their parents and the adults of the village to prove that they were good hunters. Good providers. You just had to tag along.

Not like Neteyam or Lo’ak and even Spider cared. They didn’t but you did slow them down significantly. Wide eyes getting distracted every five minutes by the living flora or kenten that got spooked from your clumsy movement. Neteyam rolled his eyes, deciding to just haul you up on his back. “You need to learn patience little bro. Let’s go”

Neteyam scolded and to which you stuck your tongue out towards Lo’ak mocking him. The 14 year old narrowed his eyes but returned the gesture just..if not even more childish. Appalled by your audacity. Brat.

“Alright..remember we have to be quiet or we will scare off the Yerik..”, Neteyam bent down allowing you to slide from his back. At his words you nodded your head vigorously. This wasn’t your first time joining your siblings on a hunt and well Jake had taken you out on many hunts. Neytiri wasn’t the biggest fan of it but she trusted her mate and children to keep you close; she just knew how easily it was for you to slip away.

If someone didn’t have their eyes on you at all times they would have to spend the next hours searching for you because your little mind and body loved to wander. Huge eyes lost in the beauty of Pandora. Even more so in your regressed headspace. Afterall back on Earth all you had was the drawings you made now you had the real thing. Real green grass and clean lakes to frolic in.

“I know ‘Teyam! I will be the most quiet.”, Neteyam winced, Lo’ak shook his head and Spider snorted. You didn’t have a quiet voice but thankfully the Yerik weren't too close to get spooked. “Yep..just stay here with Spider ok. Do not run off”

Neteyam pointed a finger looking a lot like Neytiri. His stern look, narrow ears and pointed eyes. You nodded, raising your hand to salute something you learned from the science guys. “Now bro please before eclipses hits”

Lo’ak whined, always impatient, adjusting his bow on his shoulder. Neteyam turned, giving Spider a look. The human teenager nodded. He knew to watch you but Neteyam needed him to actually watch you and not just check if you were in his line of sight through his peripheral.

“We’ll be 15 minutes at best”, Neteyam finally turned trotting around to catch up with Lo’ak who had already been walking around docking his bow. Spider perched himself on a high branch so he could see better. He didn’t mind babysitting but he wanted to get in on the successful hunt as well. You scrambled up on a lower branch. Nails gripping the bark to see better.

It was cool seeing your brothers hunt. Different from Jake and Neytiri. Mama was the best hunter that was not a question and you always knew her arrow would meet its mark. Jake usually hunted the talioang but that you didn’t have to be quiet because the herd was loud and it was always done on Bob with at least 6 other riders. His arrows never missed either.

Neteyam and Lo’ak were still young. Boys transitioned into warriors so each kill was a lot more special. New strength and skills developing unlike the miles of experience that Jake and Neytiri had years to master. A small chirp found your ears. Attention easily diverted from your brothers to something in the distance.

You glanced up. Spider was distracted. Inching closer and closer each second. Your brothers were fixing their bows to take aim. It was just a quick peak. With ease you hopped off the branch with a soft thud and ran towards the noise. On your tippy toes just like Neytiri had taught you. Hands to help guide as you climbed onto a branch. It was a Yerik. Still young. Perfect size for you.

You glanced back. Nobody had followed you. Slowly you took your bow that was resting around your shoulder. Neytiri had taught you to shoot. You were the baby of the family but you weren’t defensively. Never, just slightly smaller than everyone else besides even Tuk had a knife.

The bow itself anyways was embarrassingly small, mainly given to you because you whined for it. Begging your mama to teach you because you were “big” and could handle it. Neytiri didn’t want to at first but there was just something so magical in watching you practice with clumsy hands. She would crouch close, her head practically resting on your shoulder. First she could fix your stance, then your arms and finally tilt your head the right way.

It wasn’t beautiful. God no. You had a terrible shot but just the act of doing it made you glow. Little body jumping up and down as you turned and threw your arms around your Mama’s neck. Neytiri was confused. You had missed the target wildly but she just grabbed your face nuzzling slightly. “Good job Yawntutsyip but we will..keep working on it”

That night you had proudly ran around hometree telling everyone that you shot a bow. First it was Jake. You needed your Papa to know just how good you did. Voice squeaky, words becoming babbles as Jake tried to catch on. He was fluent in the Navi language but your babbles always left him confused on what the hell you were trying to say.

“Our little one learned to shoot today Ma’Jake”

“YAY PAPA I SHOOT THE ARROW!”, Jake chuckled at your enthusiasm, thankful for Neytiri. She was your number one translator. Jake popped you higher on his hips fangs poking through as he smiled.

“Oh yea..you’re my little tsamsiyu aren’t ya bud. Good thing you’re learning from the best”, Jake praised loving how you stimmed in his arms. Neytiri’s smile never left her face. She loved her kids but absolutely adore babies. The concept of regression was so foreign. So unknown but children were a blessing by Eywa and all children needed a mother. You weren't a child but your headspace made you act no different and since you had no mother Neytiri didn’t hesitate to fill the role.

It was totally not because Neytiri also missed having a small kid that depended on her. Tuk was growing up running off on her own. She loved how you always seemed to need her. How big your eyes got every time you saw her.

You grabbed a small arrow from your quiver. The Yerik had not noticed you yet (your human scent masked by Neytiri’s helped a lot) still feeding pecking at the ground. Slowly you did what Neytiri had taught you may times. Stand tall, both eyes open, deep breath, tight core, balance the weight on your dominant leg, tighten your muscles, pull back and let the arrow fly.

The Yerik dropped with a loud squeak. Legs flailing. The arrow lodged in the weak spot just at the base of its neck. You jumped up surprised, scrambling toward the fallen animal. That was your first kill. You’ve never hunted before or used your arrows on a real target.

“I DID IT, ‘TEYAM ‘O’AK SPIDEY.. I DID ITS”, you turned happily clapping your hands jumping up and down once you saw your brothers. Neteyam grabbed his chest with relief, Lo’ak always trying to keep a stone face yet couldn’t hide his relief and Spider looked a bit guilty. Neteyam and Lo’ak missed their kill because well once Spider didn’t see you anymore the hunt was forgotten.

“Woah…you did that all by yourself Paskalin”, Neteyam bent down beside you. Clean..merciful. With his knife he rested a hand on the Yerik's neck before finishing the job, whispering prayers to Eywa. The Spirit goes to Eywa but the body stays behind to become part of the people. Once his knife was away Neteyam grabbed the arrow, plucking it out.

“That’s a good kill, little bro. Let’s get home before it gets too dark and we’ll cook it tonight”, Neteyam passed the animal off for Lo’ak to hold. He grumbled like he always did while Neteyam trotted ahead to keep up with you. You may have been small but you were fast, small legs zooming over branches and puddles. Everyone must know what you have done. Your mama needed to know what you did.

Your first successful hunt. Clean and Merciful kill no less. This had to be celebrated. It was said that Eywa had to bless you before you could kill anything in her forest. Today had been the day she had blessed you. Otherwise your aim would have not been true. Would have not met his mark. By the time the four of you reached hometree eclipse was just starting to set. Fires lit, na’vi returning from their day's work. You found Mo’at first.

The Tsahik was waiting on you. Of course she was. The one woman you could not keep secrets from because she knew all. The embrace was warm as always. Withered hands cradled your head. Yet you pulled back excitedly. “GRAN I DID IT. I HUNT”

Mo’at smiled. A chuckle slipping past her lips as she watched Neteyam, Lo’ak and Spider come into view holding your kill. “You did..Eywa has blessed you grandchild. The clan is proud”

“And why is the clan so proud”, Neytiri strolled forward wanting to see what the fuss was about.

“I HUNTED MAMA. A YERIK ALL ON MY OWNS”, Neytiri froze out of pure shock. Her hands cupping your face. Ears flickering, tail shooting up. You hunted…you..her sweet baby. She was happy of course she was and she wished she’d been there to witness it.

“Oh my ‘eveng. The great mother has blessed you”, Neytiri could cry. Tears actually did well up in her eyes. Neytiri smushed your cheeks between her three fingered hands nuzzling you affectionately. She was a very proud mother.

“Mama!! Let gooss!”, You pulled away with a squeal of laughter, nose scrunching as you twisted to get out of Neytiri’s grip. You never fought her ever but this was big. You had just hunted all on your own and so that made you big and strong just like the rest of your family and Neytiri didn’t nuzzle and scent them. “M big nows! I hunted all on my owns”

You wiped the bridge of your nose trying to swipe the scent away as if your whole body didn’t smell like her. Neytiri’s ears pinned backwards a slight frown on her face as she watched you pull Neteyam, Lo’ak and Spider along so that the Yerik could be properly prepared for dinner. It was small but just enough meat to feed the family comfortably.

That night for dinner you stuck close to Neteyam and Lo’ak. Spider sat next to Kiri and Tuk against Jake. Neytiri sat across the way watching you. She loved when you interacted with your siblings. Always finding a way to include yourself but usually at dinner you say beside her. Basically on her lap. She would hand feed you because you often got distracted but not tonight.

Tonight she had to watch her baby fend for themselves with a sudden surge of independence. “What’s wrong baby? You’re not eating”

Jake spared Neytiri a glance as he took a moment to take in his family. It was odd but it was perfect. He never thought it would end this way. Neytiri’s ears flicked as she turned towards her mate, a subtle frown on her face.

“Y/n doesn’t need me anymore”, Jake tilted his head confused where the sudden conviction came from. Of course you need them. You were always stepping in Neytiri’s foot prints and holding Jake’s tail to keep up with. Always the first to wake them up with mindless babbling and infectious happiness.

“Baby..what are you talking about? Of course he needs us. He’s just having fun with the boys”

Jake shuffled closer. He knew how hard Neytiri loved. How hard she loved you. Ultra maternal and protective instinct going haywire 24/7. He felt the same but he didn’t hover as much. Let you run wild in the forest while Neytiri would not let you out of her sight. Took you to meet Toruk just days after integrating you in the family while Neytiri didn’t want you anywhere near Sa’ata not knowing how the animals would react; wanting to keep you away from danger and safe in her arms.

“No Ma’Jake you do not understand. He hunted the Yerik all on his own and now he prefers to eat on his own. He even wiped away my kisses”, Jake bit the inside of his lip. He knew that didn’t necessarily mean anything. You were just rambunctious and just preferred to showcase that you could be big and strong just like everyone else.

Jake classified it as a human thing. Just classic toddler behavior. Seeing your big brothers doing something and then believing you had to do the same but he didn’t know how to convince Neytiri so he just dropped the conversation. After all she was purely convinced that you would stop being her baby and well the woman was head strong. Jake figured the whole situation would sort itself sooner or later it always did anyways.

Later that night when it was nearing your bedtime Neytiri stalked over slowly on all fours before scooping you up. You let out a yell of pure shock that morphed into laughter. Squeaky. Carefree.

“MAMA! YOU SCARES ME!”, Neytiri hummed her own soft smile gracing her face as she leaned down to nuzzle your cheek. You didn’t pull but you did crane your head to the side before she was doing it right in front of your brothers and well you were big!

“Come on ma yawntutsyip, it is bath time than bed time”

“Nuh uh Mama! I’m not tired and I’m big! I stay wake with ‘Teyam and ‘O’ak”, you slipped out of Neytiri’s arm nodding your head with certainty. Bedtimes were for babies. You were a warrior now. You had a successful hunt and you were big just like your brothers and they did not have bedtimes.

“Oh you are big uh baby. Mama’s big boy is that right”, Neytiri bent down to cup your face, squishing your cheeks. You nodded wild hair flopping grin widening as she understood. Neytiri sighed with mock defeat, her tail swaying softly behind her as she shrugged her shoulders. “I guess..if you are Mama’s big boy then you can stay with your brothers. Mama will just have to give tuk all her cuddles and stories…”

Neytiri turned on her heels, slowly walking away. You watched her go feet turning inward as you weighed the options. You still wanted mama cuddles. Mama cuddles were the best and Tuk..Tuk didn’t even care for stories. How was she gonna steal yours? Your cheeks puffed out and your eyebrow furrowed as she ran to catch up to her. Neytiri kept her pace slow on purpose trying to keep from smirking when your little hand grabbed hers.

“Wait Mama..I wan cuddles and stories too”

“I know baby but you wanted to stay with your brothers remember. Big boys don’t need cuddles and bedtime stories to go to sleep”

“NO! NO I NAH! I NAH BIG MAMA! I SMALL”, Neytiri didn’t expect you to fold so fast. You begs tugging her arm bouncing up and down on your feet. You weren't that big. You still could get cuddles and stories.

“MAMA I NAH-“

“Ok baby…ok I heard you. Calm down there’s no need to get so worked up”, Neytiri easily picked you up placing you on her hips making your tiny chest pump a thousand miles per minute. Running her thumb down the bridge of your nose before nuzzling your face lightly.

“Mama was just messing with you. She did not mean to make you upset. Ready for bed now little one”

“I still get cuddles n stories..”

Neytiri’s heart could burst at how small your voice was. Using one hand to push your head to rest against her collarbone. “Of course you are my baby. Mama’s darling baby..you will never be too big for cuddles or stories”

Your breathing evened out. Her words true in your ears as you wrapped your arms snug around her neck burying your head deeper into her collarbone. You liked being big but maybe you would stay small just a little bit longer. If being small meant that you would never have to leave your mama’s arms…well you never wanted to be big again.

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Na’vi Word Guide-

Paskalin- Sweet Berry

Yawntutsyip- Darling ≠ Little Loved One

Tsamsiyu- Warrior

‘Eveng- Child