#agent-absinthe

Eggsy and Elise sat inside a small café in the mall, bags sitting around the table as the two choked on their coffee from laughing at each other.  After brunch they were going to head back to the house to look through everything and then take the dogs for a run.

“Fuck, you are the best.  Merlin couldn’t have picked a better baby.  Seriously!  Ya gotta tell me though, mate- how is he?  Ya know…”

She giggled, “so good.  Fuck, Eggsy I mean this morning he made me finish without touching me.  I’ve got a bruise on my ass that still kinda hurts but it’ll fade.”

“Spanking?”  He raised an eyebrow and sipped on his coffee.

“Ya, I uh, took another shift and wasn’t able to talk to him a lot the other day.  I guess that meant I needed to be ‘punished’?  I don’t know, I mean I kind of enjoyed it.”  

Elise pushed the eggs she was eating around her plate, heat rising to her cheeks as she suddenly felt out of her element.  She still wasn’t sure how she felt about the bruise yet, how she felt about being ‘punished’ because sexually it was amazing- all in good fun- but, that had not been his intention when he did it.  Hamish wanted it to hurt her while it happened, the sudden realization that she had actually been disciplined like a child made something curl in Elise’s stomach that she loathed.  Shame.

“Does he- does he hit you?”  Eggsy said it dead serious, now looking at her more intently.

“What?  No!  He just-” she sighed and decided to show him instead of saying anything, sitting her phone down on the table instead of typing on it.

“What?”

“Just wait.”

As they finished up their brunch 15 minutes had passed and Elise’s phone had gone off at least 9 times.  It made Eggsy roll his eyes.

“Oi, he’s one a those kind then ain’t he?  The needy kind.  Never pegged him as that sort.  Oh well, but as long as he don’t treat you bad.  Don’t matter how much money someone offers you, babe don’t ever let ‘em make ya feel shitty.”  

She grinned at him.  Oh, they were going to be best friends.

~

“Hamish, she’s perfect for you, really and so diligent.  Keep helping her pay tuition and maybe she could come work for the company.  She’d make an excellent analyst.”  Harry and Hamish were sitting at the table enjoying some after dinner drinks and watching their young lovers have fun.

They were in an upscale nightclub, Harry and Eggsy had flown over to celebrate another win for the company and six months of Hamish and Elise’s arrangement.  Everything was going so well, Elise looking happier and feeling better than she had in years, Hamish much the same.  He couldn’t help but smile watching them drunkenly spin around the dance floor.

Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowin’ what it was.  I will not give you up this time~

Eggsy and Elise were cheek to cheek and singing along as best they could.

We are still kids, but we’re so in love.  Fighting against all odds, I know we’ll be alright this time~

“They’re cute, aren’t they?”  Hamish asked, his voice sounding wistful like he was thinking out loud instead of asking Harry a question.  

Harry noticed the way he was staring at Elise.  Remembering the night he met Eggsy in a club much like this, the same dazed expression on his face as Hamish had on his now.  His friend was getting attached quickly and he knew before long Hamish was going to give in to his emotions and ask her to be in a relationship rather than this kind of arrangement, he only prayed that Elise felt the same.  

“Quite cute.  I think Eggsy is going to start getting sick rather soon, so we should get going back to the hotel.  I hope you two make it home safely, give the dogs my love.”

It was also time for them to go and as soon as they were in the car Elise had her head against the window, humming and on the verge of sleep.  Hamish reached over and rubbed his hand up her thigh to get her attention, when she turned and smiled at him the streetlights caught her face and lit up her eyes even more- it made his breath catch.  She had him wrapped around her finger, he wondered if she would use that to her advantage if she knew just how far he would go to make sure she was happy.

“So, did ye have fun?”

“Oh my gosh!  So much fun!  Eggsy said they would be back in a few weeks for some kind of company dinner, I can’t wait to see him again.”  

Hamish licked his lips and took her hand in his, trying to steady himself- “Speaking of the company dinner-“

“Hmm?”

“It’s more of a Gala.  Posh, upper class- ye know all the things ye hate… I want ye to be my date for it.  It’s very relaxed, great food you’ll love it.”

The happy, drunk haze that she was in suddenly cleared and Elise bit at her lip in worry.  God, she knew this would happen eventually, it was practically part of the checklist for being a SB:  Arm Candy.  The problem was that Elise didn’t feel like arm candy material, she was just a good fuck and entertaining company.  How the fuck did he expect her to make him look good at a GALA?

“Are you sure?  I mean you don’t want someone a little more, I don’t know- polished?”

Merlin laughed at her reaction and brought her hand up to his lips, “no, I want ye there with me, it’ll be fine.  We can go dress shoppin’ tomorrow, get some shoes and jewelry while we’re at it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa that’s a lot.  Like, jewelry is a bit much don’t you think?  I don’t want you spending a lot on me, especially if I’ll only wear it once.”

“Come now, doll.  If ye say yes I’ll let ye top tonight when we get home.”

A small gasp, “Really?”

“Yes.”

There was the sound giddy anticipation and a seat belt clicking off followed shortly by a hand undoing his belt.  Wet kisses pressed along his jawline until the grip on the steering wheel tightened, when her hand wrapped around his cock the grip turned white knuckled.  Getting to ride was a rare treat since Hamish liked being in control most of the time, but in her current haze Elise felt her brattiness rising and it made her hellbent on getting what she wanted.  And she wanted to ride him in the car, now.  She adored doing things in this expensive fucking car, especially when she was in an intoxicated state, much like now, and the leather of the seats felt even more luxurious than they already were.

“I don’t want to wait until we’re home.”

“Stop bein’ a brat.  It’s f-five more minutes- fuck, love if you don’t stop I won’t make it till we get home.”

A whine, “just pull over.  We can make it fun, pretend I’m a hitchhiker you picked up at the bar and I can give you a sloppy blowjob outside of the car...on my knees...in the dirt.”

“Jesus-” Hamish let out a shaky breath and peeled one hand off the wheel to wrap in her hair and pull her from his neck, “you certainly are in a filthy mood tonight, but ye don’t have ta be outside on yer knees to do that, dove.”

Elise practically buzzed with excitement as she repositioned herself- knees on the seat and ass up so she could lean over the console and take him into her mouth with such vigor it made Hamish laugh. “Poor thing, you act like I don’t let ye suck my cock as much as ye want.  Then again maybe that is all ye really want to be, a cute little cock warmer.”    

The only response was a deep moan that vibrated in her throat and it was all Hamish needed to take one hand off the wheel and peel up her dress, thankful now that she had worn it despite his objection that it was too short and tight and that people would be all over her.  Which they were, but he was the only one taking her home to fuck her senseless so they could stare all they wanted.  How wet and warm she was already only made him go faster, her lips slick with it as he rubbed them through the thong, pushing it aside to slide a finger along the slit and then delve into her so agonizingly slow that Elise came up for air and almost sobbed.

“Daddy-”

“Ye have better things to do with that mouth than speak.”  He snapped hooking his fingers inside her and giving a hard tug for emphasis.

A small giggle at his breathless anger before she went back to doing something useful with her mouth, working harder to make it extra sloppy how she knew he liked it but will never admit because he’s still somewhat of a gentleman in bed.  Elise planned on breaking him of that if it was the last thing she did.  Spit was running out of the corners of her mouth to roll down his balls and soak into the pants and the noises- absolutely fucking obscene.  

“Finally.”  Hamish took a sharp turn into the drive way and pulled Elise off him by the hair to put the car in park.

He threw open the door to get out when Elise gripped his shirt and yanked him back into his seat so she could climb onto him.  And with one leg propped outside the Jag for stability and the other folded against his thigh she slid down with a satisfied, loud moan.

“Dirty girl, what will the neighbors think if they hear us out here?”

“We can get out and you can bend me over the hood if you’d rather they be able to see us too.”

“God, I love it when ye get like this.”

Hamish anchored his hands on her ass, but let her stay in control with the riding as she went harder, coming down on him with a distinct and wet clap that echoed in the night.  There would be indents in the leather of the headrest from her nails after.

“I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum-” Elise broke down into a mess when her orgasm hit her and instead of letting her ride it out on her own Hamish took the opportunity to regain control.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed onto the top of the steering wheel with the other for leverage as he thrust into her sharply.  His own peak approaching far more quickly than he would have liked, maybe the roadhead hadn’t been such a great idea.  

“Oh god, Elise fuck-”

“Do it, do it, do it.  Cum for me daddy, please.  Please.”

With his face buried in her to muffle his moans that came out far louder than hers Hamish pressed against her harder while he finished, incidentally also pressing her against the horn.  The shouts of several angry neighbors were the only things that brought them down from their highs as they laughed.  Elise wrapped her arms arounds around him as he did her, face still nuzzled into her chest.  He kissed the bare skin there tasting salt and sex, and muffling his words as he whispered them.

“I love you.”

“Hmm?”  Aw there was his Elise, sweet and sleepy after getting all of that filth out of her system.

“Nothin’ lass.  Now come on, le’s get ye inta bed- we have a big day of shoppin’ to do tomorrow.”  

The next morning Elise found herself extremely out of her element in a high end dress shop sporting Vera Wang posters and no price tags- never a good sign.  The clerk knew, she had to have known what they were because she gave Elise that all too familiar pretentious look of ‘fucking sugar baby’ immediately followed by ‘God, we don’t even have your size here’.  Never the less she met them with a smile and eagerness that could only come from commission based pay.

“Good morning!  How are you doing today?  What are we shopping for?  Anything special?”

Elise opened her mouth to-

“We’re attending a gala in a few weeks.  She needs somethin’ black and flattering with heels to match.”  He looked down at her with a smile, “right?”

“Yes?”

“Good, now I have ta go next door to the jewelers, take care of her please.”

“Oh of course, let’s see what we can find!”  

Elise was turned around looking at some obnoxious mermaid fit gowns when she heard Hamish lean down and whisper to the attendant something along the lines of “don’t tell her how much anything costs, if she leaves here happy I’ll give ye a 20% tip”.  Holy shit did that change things because before she knew what was happening the attendant was complimenting her hips.

“You have such a lovely frame!  Although it isn’t one we see often in here… but I think an A-Frame cocktail dress would fit nicely...you can walk in heels, right?”

“Yes, I can.  Uh, how much does one of these usually go for though-”

“Oh, look at this one with lace accents!”

Four dresses and maybe one too many mimosas and mini quiches later Elise felt like she was going to have a nervous breakdown.  The dresses were all gorgeous, flirty, and young- exactly what Hamish had wanted, yet not what she felt comfortable in.  She didn’t want that.  Didn’t want to show up to a Gala as a pretty, dumb armpiece and be stared at like the play thing that everyone would think of her as.  Eggsy would be there, thank goodness, but without him what was she supposed to do?  Stand around with Hamish, just smile and nod like a good little girl being shown off?  How did she let herself get sold into this-

“Are you ok, Elise?  Do you not like this one?  Not what you want?”

Elise blinked and looked at the reflection, “No, no it’s gorgeous.  I just- I don’t want to look the part, I wanna look like I belong there, ya know?”

She made desperate eye contact, praying that the attendant would understand what she meant.  To her relief, “Danielle” according to her name tag, nodded slowly.

“We can do that.  We just got some lovely gowns in and I know a sheer one that will make your…date forget about the cocktail dress.” And then softer as she took hold of Elise’s hand, “I see a lot of other girls much less polite than you come in here with the same type of man as yours, going to even bigger events.  Trust me, you’re gonna do fine.”

She smiled and squeezed, “Thank you.”

The look on Merlin’s face was…surprised when she showed him the floor length dress in the box, but the smile on Elise’s and her approval of the jewelry made him forget he had ever suggested a cocktail dress.  That was it.  The hard part was over and as far as Elise was concerned she now had a few weeks to learn as much about the company as she could.  Stocks, ethical business practices, taxes, heads of departments- if she was going to do this, she was going to do it right.    

~

“What do you think about the current state of the Kingsman stocks and the company outlook?”  Percival asked, his gin and tonic lying forgotten in his hand as he and several others looked to Elise for her answer.

“Well, considering the fact that it’s been over six months since the company began its partnership with Microsoft I think it may be hitting that plateau of investing interest.  The stocks will probably fall a little, but I think Kingsman is in good enough health to afford to pay off some extra dividends and get that enticement back up.  Maybe offer a special deal to college students, they already love the brand and any promise of growth in their lives is always a welcome one.  I mean just by getting out there and talking about it on campuses could generate more cash flow than we have coming in from current holders.”

Elise took another drink of her cocktail and smiled at the sharply dressed business men, who nodded their approval and drank with her.  Hamish had deposited her at the bar and went off to deal with some formal business matters, his colleagues becoming very curious about who Merlin was carrying around on his arm.  Percival had not expected an actual answer out of her, then again if anyone was going to bring in a gorgeous girl that knew her shit it was Merlin.  He was currently leaning against a table talking about quarterly results with several of their biggest stockholders including Joseph Hesketh, who was quick to ask about his date.

“She’s a cute little thing isn’t she?  Looks a bit young too, Hamish I didn’t take you as the uh, cradle robbing type.  Not following in Hart’s footsteps are you?”  Joseph’s eyes locked on to Eggsy across the showroom floor, the sugar baby brat was in line for a promotion that his son should be getting instead.

Merlin was on his fourth dram of good scotch so the insult didn’t sting as much as it should have, “She’s 23, tha’s not exactly a cradle robbing age.”

“My apologies, where did you find her?  She looks like she’s getting comfortable over there with Percival, seems quite friendly.”  He said it with a laugh, nodding to the bar where Elise had her hand over her mouth giggling at something the Software Developer said.

Hamish immediately scowled, his buzz turning his own insecurities to irrational anger in seconds, he huffed and turned back to Joseph downing the last bit of his drink before answering the question.

“Elise just likes to please, probably laughing at one of his fucking computer puns-“

He watched them talk excitedly to one another for several more minutes until Percival excused himself and Elise put a hand on his forearm as they said goodbye- an innocent gesture of friendliness.  Merlin took it as anything but.    

Elise was back at square one of sipping her drink alone when a younger man who didn’t seem so impressed with her knowledge slid across the bar to her side.  He was handsome- curly hair, sharp cheekbones, a jaw of marble- and apparently didn’t realize who she walked in with.

“And who’s date are you then?  Must have cost him a fortune to have you all dressed up, although I will say the company knowledge is a very good touch.”

“Pardon me?”  Elise prayed she heard him wrong, her heart beginning to beat faster.

“Oh, drop the act.  Half of these old bastards in here have an escort or a whore on their arms instead of their wives.  You look far too uncomfortable in those diamonds and dress to be used to anything and I don’t see a name tag on you which means you are not part of the American sales team, obviously.  So the question still stands; are you an escort or are you a whore?”

She was caught in the headlights.  Eyes wide, heart hammering.  Was it that obvious that she didn’t fucking belong in here in these clothes?  Was she that much of a low class fuck up?  

“Oi!  Charlie, how ‘bout you back the fuck up there, bruv.  Maybe try not to be such a posh fuckin’ prat, ya?”  Oh, Eggsy.  Thank fuck Eggsy.

This only made Charlie laugh, “Ah!  A sugar baby!  That was my next choice.  Ugh, do you lot just run in packs now?  God, I have to know who’s willing to pay to try and pull a Pretty Woman on you though.  Is it Bors?  I bet it’s Bors-”  

Eggsy was aggressively protective of Elise, he remembered his first time being thrown to these wolves and dammit if he was going to let Charlie fucking Hesketh ruin Elise’s night.  He was prepared to make an absolute scene and embarrass the fuck outta Charlie, luckily there was no need for that because right at that time Hamish was making his way to them.  The look on his face less than pleased.  Elise didn’t notice it though all she knew was that he was coming for her and she wouldn’t have to stand around like a lost puppy.  

“Hamish!  Honey, Eggsy was just introducing me to one of the other U.K agents!”

The sudden terror on Hesketh’s face was enough to make Eggsy put a hand to his mouth to try and stifle the laugh that was going to bubble up.    

“Hesketh, your father’s asking for ye, best go see to it.  And Eggsy, Harry is around here somewhere, go keep him out of trouble, please.”    

“Of course!  Lovely meeting your date, sir!”  Charlie turned sharply and drug his feeble date along with him.

“Thank goodness you came back, I missed you.  I was starting to get really uncomfortable, these people are vultures- ah!  Hamish stop, Hamish that hurts.”

He had a possessive hand around her upper arm, blunt nails biting into her skin as they paced across the room, Merlin’s long and now quick gait made Elise have to hold up the front of her dress so that she wouldn’t tread on it.

“I do not appreciate you disrespecting me like that.”

“Disrespecting you? How?”  Elise felt like she had somehow been dropped into a nightmare.  What the fuck was happening?  

“Y’ were flirting.

Ah, Percival.  She rolled her eyes, "How? How was I flirting? I was trying to make a good impression!”  

The hand around her arm tightens, nails now cutting into the skin.  Hamish would wake up tomorrow with dried blood under his nail and have no memory of where it came from.  He pulled her closer to him and fixed his gaze on her, eyes heavy and dark with rage.  Fear now joined the growing shame as she looked up at him suddenly painfully aware of how small she was despite the heels that nearly put them on fair ground, but anger was also making its way into her system.

"Why are you acting like this?!"  

"ME? You're the one soliciting with everyone else here!"  

"Soliciting?! Hamish, you told me to socialize! What's wrong? Did you not know I was fucking smart? Did you not think I'd be able to talk to people here? I'm trying to look like someone who belongs here with you and not-" she huff and look down embarrassed, Charlie’s words still echoing in her head.

"Like what? Oh like a paid date?  A whore?"  

"... ya.”  

He tosses her arm down and seethes, "Well that's all you are. I paid for everything on ye and I paid for you.  That makes you mine so, fuckin’ act like it.  Keep your mouth shut, stop flirtin’, and for fuck sake keep your hands to yourself.”

Elise turned her head away and blinked, fuck don’t cry don’t cry it’ll make the scene worse.   Bile was at the back of her throat, chest suddenly so tight she felt like she couldn’t fucking breathe.  Even though no one was watching them, Elise had never felt more humiliated in her life.  No one made her feel more humiliated than Merlin had just now, the whole relationship of trust and intimacy now broken down into labels.  The power dynamic more clear now than ever.

“I need a fuckin’ drink.  When I get back, ye better have lost that attitude.”  Another scotch was definitely not what he needed, but at this rate nothing mattered.

“You’re not who I thought you were.”  Her voice was small and strained from trying not to cry.

Hamish didn’t respond and instead stormed off leaving Elise on her own again.  She couldn’t stay here, not after that- he made it perfectly clear what he thought about their arrangement.  Made it clear that there was not a mutual respect, she was just some young piece of ass he could pay to carry around on his arm when it was convenient.  A panic attack was blooming in her throat, mascara already starting to run and blur her vision.  Elise was able to slip out the patio door before any of her sobs became vocal, how could she have been so fucking stupid?

“Somethin’s wrong.”  Eggsy had seen some of the exchange, saw Elise slip out.  His stomach was in knots.

“Darling, I’m sure everything is fine-“

“No, it ain’t.  Go stall Merlin, I need to make sure that El’s ok.”  

He handed Harry his martini and made for the door leaving the accountant looking a little bewildered.  It was easy enough to find her.  Elise was sitting on the steps leading to the gardens, it was a chilly night and most of the drunk crowd was happy to stay inside where it was warm.  To try and quell her sobs Elise was biting her fist, anything to keep the pathetic sounds from coming up.

“Elise?”  Eggsy knelt beside her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she instantly leaned into him and he held her, “What ‘appened?  Is this about what Charlie said- don’t listen to him!  He’s just a posh snob, don’t know what he’s talkin’ about.”

All of his words of comfort fell short as soon as she spoke, “Hamish called me paid for.  Basically said I was just his whore.  Eggsy, I-“

More sobs came up from her lips, but Eggsy already had his phone out to grab her an Uber, one arm still protectively around her shoulders.  

“Shhh, I’ve got ya a ride, they’ll take ya back to Merlin’s so you can get your car.  Go home, take a shower, don’t think about him, love.”

“If I leave-”  Panic showed plainly on her face.  Panic and fear.

“Hey, ‘arry and I will handle him.  He’s gonna have a lot to answer for tomorrow, what he did was fucked and ya don’t deserve to be treated like that.  Now come on, they should be pullin’ up front soon.”

The poor Uber tried talking to her but eventually just handed her a box of tissues and turned up the music, it was a merciful gesture and she made sure to tip them well.  Once inside Elise could feel the exhaustion and shame seep into her, filling every fiber like she had been infected by something.  After the dress, jewelry, shoes, and lingerie lay neatly folded on a chair in his bedroom she pulled on some spare clothes she kept at the house and left, wanting nothing more than to curl up in the shower at home and finish crying.

~

Hamish awoke with the faint taste of vomit in his mouth and more churning in his stomach that drove him to the bathroom, a headache soon following.  It was the smell of coffee that finally gave him the strength to get downstairs, expecting to see Elise standing in the kitchen in one of his t-shirts, only to find Harry there instead looking just as hungover and feeding the dogs bacon.  Eggsy was hunched over the table with his phone in his hand looking uncharacteristically sullen.

“God, I feel like shit.  Where’s Elise?”  Hamish blindly took the cup Harry offered him and searched his pockets for his phone.

“How about you drink your coffee and sit down.”  

“Somethin’ wrong?”

“No, no just sit down please.”  Harry’s reply was brisk and he gave a worried glance to Eggsy who looked ready to explode.

After a few minutes of muteness with only the sound of Eggsy’s rapid texting and Harry cooking, Merlin took the bait, “Ye alright, Eggsy?  Ye seem more quiet than normal.”

He didn’t look up from the phone and shrugged, “oh m’fine.  Why would I talk though when Harry just pays me to be here and fuck him?”

“What?  What are ye-“ Hamish started, but then the previous night came hurdling back to him and he realized why Eggsy was being such a brat, “oh, fuck.”

“Oh fuck is right.”

He began scrambling for his phone, panic of the stupid shit he said adding to the knots in his stomach.  Whore he had called her a whore, a paid date, the blood under his nails was hers he-

“I have ta call her, what the fuck have I done?  We need to go to her house now, Harry ye have to help me please, please I fuckin’ love her I don’t know what I’ll do-”

Harry slammed the wooden spoon he was using down and leaned against the counter to gather his rage before looking at Hamish, the look in his eyes not as intense as Eggsy’s but enough to get the Scot’s attention and shut him up.

“No.  If you want to make up with Elise so she doesn’t leave you, which she has every right to after the absolutely barbaric way you acted towards her last night, then you are going to listen to every word I say.  First, you are not going to blow up her phone like a fucking psychopath as I know you have been doing.  Second, if she wants to see you it will be on her terms, and for God sake Merlin do not tell her you love her.”

“Ok, ok.”  He accepted the terms without argument and looked again to Eggsy, “lad I am so sorry-”

An apology was the last straw.

“Do you have any idea what you did?  She was bein’ harassed by Hesketh after you just left her at the bar and then you go and get all fuckin’ pissy because she was talkin’ to some other bloke about company statistics.  I found her cryin’ on the steps outside and when I told her to leave she freaked out like ya were gonna find out and hurt her.  She was terrified, Merlin.  Save your fuckin’ apologies for her.”

Meanwhile Elise was still curled up in bed with swollen eyes and her phone pressed to her chest waiting for Eggsy to text back.

Egg:  U ok babe?

E:  No.  I feel like I’m fucking dying if that’s not too dramatic

Egg:  I know its hard harry and I had a few falling out moments too.... he never called me a whore tho so hamish has a lot more to answer too hes up now by the way and really fuckin hungover lmao  

E:  lmao good.  Has he said anything?

Eggsy looked up from the phone for a moment as Harry sat down their plates to see Hamish blatantly staring at him because he just knew who the boy was textinig and it made his thumbs itch.

Egg:  Honestly?  he cried and said how stupid he was and tha harry and i HAVE to help him because he loves you

She rolled her eyes.  Of course he would wait until he fucked up bad enough to pull that card.  It did bring on a fresh batch of tears because god she wanted him to be telling the truth.

E:  Pft.  Ofc he waits till now to say it.

Egg:  Do you want to try to work this out with him babe?  cause I wont try to make you and I can tell him right now to piss off

Elise sniffed and wiped her eyes trying to steady her breathing before she replied:  I want to try and work it out, but I need a few days.  Can you be there when we meet?

Egg:  ya ya of course

~

Elise had agreed to meet in three days on her terms and turf.  She figured that would be long enough for him to calm down and realize that he could get a better piece of ass and that he didn’t really love her.  She expected, even hoped that on the day they were supposed to come to her home he would cancel.  It made her heart ache, but her mother had not raised a woman easily crushed so she wiped away her tears and began to pick up the pieces of her life and look for a second job again.

Hamish was doing very poorly to say the least.  And it showed in everything he did, even coworkers asking him what was wrong.  After his hang over faded the memories came back of what he had said and done, how angry he felt over something so stupid.  He couldn’t think of enough words to describe how sorry he was, how would he ever be able to reconcile it?  How could she ever look at him the same after he broke all of that trust they developed?

“Are you ready?”  Harry asked as he killed the engine.

Hamish nodded, remembering the first time he came here to pick her up, he realized he’d never actually been inside and it made him feel more like an ass.  It would just be them in the house, her roommates gone for the day as promised and Elise was not as nervous as she thought she would be, after all she wasn’t the one that had to apologize.  Never the less when Eggsy knocked she still took a few moments to compose herself before answering.

“Hello, love.”  Eggsy’s smiling face was the first one she saw and thank goodness for that because it staved the tears for a little longer.  

Eggsy sat with Elise on an old leather love seat while Harry and Hamish were across the small living room on a futon.  It was silent and awkward as everyone waited for Hamish to begin, to apologize.

“I-” he tried starting, but looked down at his hands in sadness and frustration.

“Why don’t we go make some tea.  Elise you don’t mind do you?  Come on Eggsy, let’s leave them be.”

Eggsy looked ready to rebuff but Elise put a hand on his shoulder and smiled, “go.  I’ll be fine.”

When they were out of sight she refocused her attention on him with a scowl trying to hide her quivering lip and to her surprise he made eye contact with her.  His eyes were more red rimmed than normal, bags under them to suggest he hadn’t slept, even suggested that he’d been crying.  Which made Elise feel nauseous, there was something about the thought and sound of a grown man sobbing that activated her fight or flight instinct.  

“I know nothin’ I say can change the way I treated ye that night, but if I could take it back I would and I dinnae mean any of it I was drunk- which is a piss poor excuse I know, but I was and as many times as we’ve gotten drunk together ye know M’not a mean drunk, I jus...I felt angry about my own insecurites and I never never should have spoken to ye like tha’.”  His voiced cracked on the last word and he paused, trying not to start looking like an absolute mess this soon.

“You called me a whore if you don’t remember, said that you bought everything I was in and that you practically owned me.  No one has ever made me feel more humiliated and ashamed than you did.”

“I know, but ye were talkin’ ta Percival.”

“Oh no, no no no you are not turning this around and trying to justify what you said-”

“I’m not tryin’ to if ye would let me finish-”

Elise suddenly shot up off the love seat, “No!  You let ME finish!”

Hamish sat back against the futon looking genuinely frightened.  She laughed sarcastically and lifted her arms to let them drop back down at her side in a sign of exasperation.

“Are you actually going to sit there and try to act like I brought that upon myself?  That what I did constituted you digging your nails into my arm and shaking me so hard I bled?  All you have ever seen me as is a young piece of ass to fuck around with, a piece of property like another fucking piece of your company that you can do whatever you want to.”

“Elise, that is not true.  I’ve always seen ye as an equal, as a person, I am sorry.  I- I love you, I do more than I have ever loved anythin’, and if I could just prove it to you, please.”

“You don’t even know what I’m studying in school do you?  Or what I like to do?  Or what I’m scared of, who my family is, you don’t know anything about me personally because all we talk about when I’m with you is you.”  Her face started to break but she stood firm, “I liked you so much that I wanted to make sure I made a great first impression to the people you work with so you would take me out more, I learned as much about the company as I could so that if anyone asked me anything I’d know what to say.”

It had worked too now that he thought about it.  Percival and Lance were raving about her at the board meeting and suggested they follow her ideas- start getting tech into more schools, fund scholarships, get stock awareness up.  

“Did you not know I was fucking smart?  Did you think I wouldnt be able to talk to people here?”  

He felt sick when he realized she was right and then he watched her start to cry, he’d never seen her genuinely cry before and it was too much.  His instinct to protect her overruled his shame and he got up, walking to her slowly with his hands outstretched to cradle her face which she recoiled from.  

“No, please don’t cry, dove.  Ok, it’s true I don’ know what yer studying or what ye like outside of taste.” he finally managed to get his hands around her cheeks and jaw gently and continued- voice thick with tears, “but I want so badly ta learn.  I don’ want to continue this as we have either.  I want ye with me as an equal, as a partner in a relationship.”

“It would make me look s-s-so pathetic to crawl back to you after that.  I’ve seen too many women in my family go back to shitty men over and over and over and I can’t repeat that cycle.”  Elise was sobbing now, but holding his wrists and pressing her face into his hands.

“No, no, no.  You could never be pathetic, ok?  I am crawlin back to you and I know jus’ an apology will not make up for it, but I want to start over at the beginnin’ as I should have done in the first place.”

Hamish leaned down to be at eye level with her, he needed her to see how he felt.  The pain and shame reflecting in her eyes only made him more desperate to make her feel better.

“Elise Crofter, I have loved you since we got dinner at tha’ little pizza place down town when ye smiled and thanked the waitress and ye still had chocolate on yer neck and caramel on yer nose.”  He laughed through the tears and to his relief she did too before crying harder.

“D-D-don't make me laught, that’s not fair.”

“I felt somethin’ sittin’ there bullshitting with you that I had never felt anywhere else with anyone. Comfortable, no doubts about what I was doin’ or needed ta do.  I felt like everythin’ I had ever done in my life had been right because at that moment it led to me sitting there with you.”

He took a chance and pressed his forehead to hers, noses rubbing together despite the tears and snot, “and I pray that maybe ye feel the same and if not I understand and I understand if ye don’ want ta see me again, but I hope that you’ll give me a chance, let me prove it to you.”

Elise wiggled her face out of his grasp and fell into him, face pressed so hard into his chest her nose hurt.  Hands making fists in his shirt like a child would who was begging for comfort and he gave it to her.

“I love ye so much and I’m so sorry.  I’ll do whatever I can ta make up for the way I treated ye.  Therapy or I can give ye space or leave ye the hell alone, whatever ye need.”

“Just hold me, ok?  Just hold me.”

He squeezed harder and kissed the top of her head, sighing into her hair with relief.  This was only the beginning to a long road of regaining trust and establishing a relationship other than a sugar one, Elise knew that and so did he, but there was something so sweet about laying everything bare and getting to see one another at their most vulnerable.  Small sniffles from the doorway finally pulled them out of their little world as they turned to see Eggsy crying with Harry trying to make it look like he hadn’t been.

“We wasn’t snooping or anything but fuck that was so fucking sweet I couldn’t help it.”

Harry smiled and put on his best daddy voice, “Well, thanks to you two he’s going to be like this all day, how do you plan on helping me fix it?”

“How about dinner?”  Hamish offered letting Elise go to soothe Eggsy.

“Ah, yes show up at a nice restaurant with two crying young adults we’ll look like kidnappers.  Wonderful.”

The mood lightened and soon Elise found herself again riding shot gun with Hamish’s hand laced in hers. His thumb rubbing shyly against her wrist and the sun streaming through window thick and bright as honey.  

but every time you hurt me, the less that i cry

don't let it in with with no intention to keep it

nothing is wrong / nothing can ever go wrong

open up your eyelids, let your demons run

i wish somebody would have told me that / some day, these will be the good old days

why did love put a knife in my heart?

people talking without speaking / people hearing without listening

god’s gonna trouble the water

i've been hoping / someone will love you, let me go

it don't matter anywhere i lay / all my tears be washed away

stranger things did happen here

a strange hunger haunted me; the looming shadows danced

and i know she'll be the death of me, at least we'll both be numb

there’s always someone being slaughtered by a bigger stack of splinters somewhere

don't care what you say to me, i'mma bite your feelings out

your hand in mine forever / beside the slow black river