āš“ šššš šš ššššš šššš šššš šš.āĀ / @afixer
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā She Ā tells Ā him Ā of Ā her Ā past, Ā a Ā past Ā that Ā sheās Ā never Ā quite Ā shared. Ā Thereās Ā a Ā plane Ā crash, Ā a Ā little Ā girl, Ā and Ā parents Ā that Ā a Ā little Ā girl Ā will Ā never Ā get Ā back. Ā Itās Ā DIFFICULT Ā no, Ā almost Ā UNBEARABLE Ā to Ā hear. Ā Sheās Ā still Ā nursing Ā wounds, Ā and Ā theyāre Ā still Ā up Ā at Ā PINEYāS Ā CABIN. Ā Jackson Ā allows Ā her Ā voice Ā to Ā carry, Ā and Ā swallow Ā up Ā room. Ā Thereās Ā an Ā edge Ā to Ā her Ā words, Ā a Ā sort Ā of Ā privacy Ā that Ā he Ā WISHES Ā he Ā could Ā protect Ā even Ā more, Ā and Ā he Ā knows Ā that Ā THIS Ā is Ā the Ā personal Ā shit Ā that Ā never Ā leaves Ā the Ā two Ā of Ā them. Ā HE Ā WISHES Ā HE Ā COULD Ā EAT Ā HER Ā CANCER Ā WHEN Ā SHE TURNS Ā BLACK, Ā Ā Ā nirvanaĀ Ā Ā plays Ā in Ā the Ā background, Ā and Ā it Ā still Ā rings Ā true. Ā HEAVINESS Ā settles, Ā and Ā is Ā almost Ā comfortable Ā when Ā it Ā comes Ā to Ā the Ā two Ā of Ā them. Ā What Ā heās Ā doing Ā is Ā changing Ā her Ā bandages, Ā and Ā giving Ā her Ā a Ā lower Ā dose Ā of Ā pain Ā killers. Ā He Ā assumes Ā itās Ā what Ā brings Ā out Ā such Ā words Ā āā Ā OR Ā maybe Ā she Ā finally Ā does Ā trust Ā Jackson. Ā Either Ā way Ā ? Ā Itās Ā a Ā conversation Ā that Ā he Ā can Ā UNDERSTAND. Ā A Ā conversation Ā that Ā begs Ā more, Ā and Ā yet Ā ? Ā BEGS Ā UNDERSTANDING. Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā This Ā is Ā them, Ā two Ā people Ā who Ā can Ā understand Ā loss, Ā and Ā grief Ā on Ā such Ā a Ā broad Ā spectrum. Ā They Ā can Ā understand Ā how Ā theyāve Ā protected Ā themselves, Ā and Ā how Ā the Ā CHOSE Ā to Ā talk Ā about Ā the Ā people Ā theyāve Ā lost. Ā What Ā Mia Ā has Ā given Ā Jackson Ā is Ā a Ā gift, Ā what Ā others Ā may Ā view Ā differently Ā but Ā HE Ā understands. Ā Thereās Ā a Ā cotton Ā wrap Ā thatās Ā being Ā applied Ā to Ā her Ā right Ā side Ā where Ā a Ā bruise Ā grows, Ā and Ā a RIB Ā is Ā cracked. Ā āĀ Ā š¾ššš šššš ššš ššššš š
š ? ššššššš ššš šššš šššš, šššš šššš ššššššš, ššš
ššš
šš ššššššš šššš ššššš ?Ā ā Ā Itās Ā delicately Ā said, Ā āĀ šš¶š¼ šššš š ššš
. . . šš šššš ššššššš ššššš
ššššš
ššš šššš ššššš
ššššĀ ?Ā ā Ā Fingers Ā busy Ā themselves Ā with Ā wrapping Ā gauze Ā around Ā her Ā abdomen, Ā āĀ Tell Ā me, Ā because Ā Iām Ā real Ā curious Ā . . .Ā ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Mia Ā has Ā said Ā the Ā wording Ā of Ā whatĀ Ā EVERYĀ Ā Ā child Ā felt Ā when Ā theyĀ lost Ā a Ā parent. Ā Jackson Ā has Ā wondered Ā tenfold Ā if Ā he Ā couldāve Ā saved Ā his Ā father Ā from Ā a Ā semi Ā that Ā ended Ā up Ā taking Ā his Ā life Ā in Ā the Ā end. Ā Wondered Ā if Ā he Ā couldāve Ā spared Ā those Ā days Ā in Ā the Ā hospital Ā where Ā he Ā saw Ā his Ā father Ā DIE Ā IN Ā PURE Ā AGONY. Ā Itās Ā less Ā than Ā ideal Ā to Ā go Ā before Ā a Ā child Ā yet Ā ? Ā No Ā one Ā can Ā anticipate Ā what Ā they Ā have Ā been Ā through. Ā āĀ š»šššāš
šššš ššš šššš š° š³š¶š½š¬ ššš, ššš šššš ššš ššš šššššššš šššāšš šššš ššššššš . . . š°āš ššššš šš šš šššššš
šššš ššššššš ššš šš šš ššš šš¶š¼, šš šš ššš šš¶š¼ ššš š
ššš
?Ā ā Ā Jackson Ā finishes Ā with Ā gauze Ā as Ā scissors Ā cut Ā medical Ā fabric, Ā āĀ I Ā would Ā have Ā lost Ā my Ā goddamn Ā mind, Ā donāt Ā you Ā dare Ā say Ā that.Ā ā Ā SCISSORS Ā between Ā teeth Ā as Ā he Ā says Ā those Ā last Ā words. Ā
