DET. JAMES

she continued to sip her drink,   her pen held in the other hand.          the man was coming dangerously close to being left behind in the   peripherals   of her mind.          he existed at the edge of her attention,   speaking   emotionally   and drinking ;     ALCOHOL  ONLY  EVER  MANAGED  TO  CLEAN  THE  WOUNDS,   detective,   it won’t go so far as to   heal   them.          belatedly,   she realized that he had posed a sort of question to her.          without looking up from the notes they had made over a particular image,   ava hummed an agreeable note.          it was low and seemed to stay   stuck   in the middle of her throat,   her lips pressed together until   bloodless   to get the sound out.          “     the details of your story work together to create a sensible picture.     from what you’ve described,   this woman exists outside of our current realm of understanding,   our current acceptance of reality.          doesn’t mean you’re wrong or delusional.     ”

HOW LUCKY ARE YOU ARE TO HAVE SEEN A GLIMPSE OF THE UNKNOWN.          a heart is a small price to pay for it,   she thought.

on her notepad,   she jotted down abbreviations of his thoughts.          this   thing   appeared human,   so it was within reason that it should exhibit some human characteristics.          when it came to studying animal behaviour,   the nature of each of species could usually be boiled down to   one   purpose or drive.          normally,   it was food or sex.          ava suspected that this creature   hungered   for more than just that.          suddenly,   she raised her gaze and stared at calvin ;     a new line of thought cutting her gaze and leaving a new gleam to behold.          it occurred then,   that detective calvin james was alive and well.     (  or,   at the very least,   alive.  )          this creature had left him alive.          “     if you manage to find or take more photographs,   i won’t turn them away,   but they shouldn’t be a priority.     ”          ava took another sip of her drink,   this one quick and meant to loosen her tongue.

the glass hit the table,   out of the way of their work.          she kept her impeccable posture,   but inclined her head until the bones of her neck jutted from beneath her skin.          each vertebrae pressed clearly against her skin and were clarified by the sunset - light that shone on her.          she was writing,   line after line,   onto her notepad ;     most of it was in an unique shorthand only she was fluent in     -     her own assistant only just beginning to study such a complex lingual system.          at the end of it all,   she scratched a   QUESTION  MARK    at the bottom of the page.          then,   she down the rest of her drink,   waving the empty glass at the nearest server,   allowing the crystal to catch the light and split into colours.          a new page was revealed and ava finally sat back in her chair.

“     NOT  WITHOUT  REASON.     i won’t shy away from doing so if i find it necessary,   detective.     ”

a new drink arrived and again,   ava took it right out of the waiter’s hand.          “     but i won’t   kill her,   if that’s what you’re worried about,     ”          she continued.          “     maybe you would like to keep that part of it for yourself.          i’m not keen on ruining the value of a live subject otherwise.     ”          she watched him carefully as she spoke.          the effects of   lost love   showed itself on him like an illness often rendered skin pale,   eyes dead,   lips dry.          admittedly,   he wore the look of a broken heart well ;     however,   such an observation did not matter in the least.          ava tried to see him from the perspective of this woman :     what did she see in him?          a target,   a victim.          a lover,   AN  ADVERSARY?               “     detective…     ”          from the pile of papers and photographs,   ava picked out     -     one of the few photos which had not been covered with their writings.          in this one,   the woman was smiling,   unguarded and close up ;   this one was personal.

she held up the photo for calvin to look straight at,   only her right eye just visible at the edge of the photo.          “     WHY  DO  YOU  THINK  SHE  LEFT  YOU  ALIVE?     ”

empty stomach yearns for some form of  nourishment  to keep him afloat.    alcohol lowering his guarded facade,    although it was a weak one,    and proves his  emotional state  which is actually more than what she’s seen.     a scorned heart ?     crying betrayal like a wolf howls at the moon ?      no.      calvin couldn’t care about the fact her intentions were ill,    but more so that she left.      THEIR FEELINGS WERE REAL        it’d break him to the core to even come close at believing she  lied  about them.     the soft whisper from her lips while they lay in bed   ...     i love you   ...    without request,     without being prompted,     without hearing the words leave his lips first.     he stares at the empty glass.     lips beginning to frown.     lost in memories he forgets to look up and face the reality that she isn’t here.     unable to move on.    cemented to this consciousness of being with her.    a low rumble comes from his belly.     calling for him to order   food,     but as they go on and she  continues  ordering hers   ...    he feels as though they must remain the same   ...    and orders another drink.          “     it’s amazing you know,   [  words begin to slur   ...   the alcohol reaching his speech ] finding someone and thinking the world of them,   only for them to leave without so much as a note  ...     i’ve had the thoughts you know   ...   i’m not  ...   i understand there’s a possibility she didn’t lo-  ...   and they come and they go  ...  but i don’t believe it  ...     ”

CALVIN ?  YEAH?   ARE YOU SURE YOU LOVE ME?    I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE OF SOMETHING.

they continue playing in his mind like a movie.   a marathon of good  ...   so he can’t experience the bad.    is this what it is to go through an abusive relationship?    to know something isn’t good but hold on for hope?    only remember the good ?

he watches her write.    her hand quite  aggressively  writing down each detail she believed to be important  ...   shortening the words and making it understandable to her.     a puzzle she was  determined  to get the end result of.    the waiter comes again,   annoyed with his drink before telling them both they’re cut off.      guess the drunken night comes to a halt   ...    but with this last drink calvin decides to savour it.    allow it to effect his vision and blur the edges a bit.    funny how the substance could bring forth emotions you wanted to burry.    thoughts at the back of your mind  you refuse to let slip.

“    you said it’s hard going through life without  having been played a fool  at least once   ...      this is my first.      maybe that’s why i appear broken.   unwilling to heal properly.     sure i’ve dated before her,    but when you’re in love you know it.   feels different.   with this knowledge i understand i was never in love before her.    maybe that’s why i’m stuck.   if you know of another way to move on from such an experience,   please do tell   ...    cause lord knows i’ve done my fair share of drinking.    ”     calvin sighs,   lifting his glass to take a sip of his drink,     then places it carefully down.

by this time he finally gives in,    waving down the waiter and ordering from the menu a simple appetizer.     he asks for some toast for the doctor,    not wanting her to leave this meeting hammered.     carbs were good for that.    one by one each knuckle recites the hymn of a broken heart.     crackcrackcrackcrack   fingers stretch and curl feeling refreshed.     hearing that his beloved wouldn’t be harmed eased his trust in this woman.    maybe it was the alcohol.   they’d been drinking for over an hour.    an empty stomach on calvins part has the view now veiled with a glow.    even the doctor is looking good.    and then came her next statement  ...      “  i couldn’t kill her if i tried.   i’d have to be  ...  destroyed beyond repair ...   angry with a rage that’d allow me to see past what i feel now.   ”       lips are pressed into a fine line as he  ponders  why it might be he still sits across from the doctor.    alive.

“     I COULDN’T GIVE YOU A REAL REASON.       she loved chaos   ...   maybe to  torture me  ...     ”

one  ...   two  ...   three  ...    and still no answers popping up.          “     i can’t really understand it either  ...   i think  ..-     ”          i think she killed people  ...   and i’m sad to say it doesn’t phase me.          “     i think she killed people  while we were together  ...     i can’t tell if it’s a  distorted  memory or a dream  ...   she was washing blood off her hands in the kitchen..     ”          mind is a mess the way everything was  a possibility.   how could he be sure charlotte hadn’t distorted every part she stayed in the banks of his memory.   he looks at the photo she holds in front of her face,    and remembers  the day it was taken.    the smiles and laughter from that day.      HE WISHES HE COULD GO BACK TO IT.       “     if she had the urge to kill  ...   she didn’t take it out on me,     ”          calvin downs the rest of his drink,   then smiles at the doctor.

these were the optimal hours.   trudging through the grit   &   grim streets aligned by the bent necks of towering streetlamps lighting fractured asphalt were the monsters unsheathing their grotesque beings from beneath the illustrious façade of something human   &   left to run free.   to those being’s,   those bestial pretenders,   freedom is a concept fashioned from the idea that the limitations faced against reality applied to them under the watchful gaze of the sun   &   the heavy hand of societal norms.   nox was no longer among those,   a fluid existence shaped through nothing but their own grotesque nature beneath a mask they’ve come to adopt as their own.

the night is a confidant,   a trusted ally akin to the cloth in which their nature was birthed from that cloaks the lone shadow as they persist against the chilled current sweeping through the streets.   the night is the only one that knows the shadow hasn’t been back to their apartment for two nights now,   it’s the only one that knows the plight of sleeplessness they have been under isn’t out of the habitual stubbornness but out of the uncertainty   &   confusion gripping a hold of blackened nerves.   that is,   until nox called calvin.   who else would they want to share the burden of their unreality   &   everything that comes with it than him?   night is only good for shouting the secrets rotting away organs into,   breathing life into things better left unsaid;   a silent witness void of judgement   &   response,   always there but seldom acknowledge.   

            WHAT  A  PERFECT  SETTING  FOR  THIS  MEETING.

the shadow’s presence is that of a broken shutter,   the darkness taking shape of something vaguely human only to disappear under the flickering light.   now you see them,   now you don’t.   closer   &  closer nox approaches,   the ground beneath them softly groaning with each step.   it’s only at calvin’s swift motion cutting through the air with the sharp blade of tension do the five senses finally complete their presence before him.   ❝     well,   someone’s a bit jumpy.    [     unflinching,   they remain entirely unperturbed at the brandished weapon.   this was what is considered the norm in their relationship,   whatever that may be defined as.   regardless,   in an effort to offer ease to the other,   exposed palms are raised in an act of innocence as hollowed socket stare down the darkened barrel of calvin’s gun.     ]     ❞   there was much more dwelling beneath the skin,   something else haunting the detective that was beyond the shadow’s own morbid presence.   they were sure calvin had grown used to them by now.   raven crown tilts,   hands falling back to their sides as they carefully watch the other in a moment of consideration as he speaks again.   he may acknowledge what unites them at odd hours,   but the shadow won’t forget to pry later.   for now,   nox shifts focus   :   ❝     calvin,   i don’t scare those who i like.   i mildly torment,   but not scare.   there’s no fun in that.   now,   if i actually wanted to scare you,   it’d be much,  much more personal   than something as simple as sneaking up on you in the middle of the night.   [     &   they won’t say anything more on that.   ahem.     ]   where was i?   oh !   right   —   what would you say if i told you i thought i saw a ghost last night?     ❞

         THE NIGHT IS DARK,    AND AN ENEMY TO OUR DEAR CALVIN.

it deprives him of the light needed to see with clear eyes .    obscuring his vision .    allowing the  paranoia  to swallow him whole and spit out   a child scared of the dark .     hand shakes ,    legs stiff ,   breath quick .    frozen with fear .   even in knowing it’s only nox that joins him on the empty street ,     there in his mind  still lingers  that scared boy .     still believing  they aren’t alone .   his head continues to turn left and right every so often as nox speaks ,    awaiting for this entity to appear or  make themselves known .    he offers a false smile ,     attempting to conceal true feelings of  uneasiness .     then again ,    he had an  unexplainable trust  for the man  ...   so the smile drops from his face .   not wanting to be  dishonest .  however to try forming words to explain this fear  ...   this  paranoia   ...   well it was too hard to explain ,    then again he wouldn’t speak on it.

   “     I - I JUST WASN’T EX - EXPECTING YOU TO COME FROM BEHIND  ...   PLEASE D - DON’T MAKE A JOKE ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID.   ”

a genuine smile   appears after understanding how his words could be  misinterpreted ,    hence the request quickly followed .   not  conscious  of the action ,    calvin takes a few steps closer to nox .   wanting to be  safe in numbers .    hand remains on his now holstered gun .    index finger tapping the weapon  ...   ready to use again .   drowning in the black surrounding them .   other hand wants dearly to grab nox’s arm    ...    mind  reverting  back in time  ...    a child is in place of the sound mind detective he knew.

WHAT IF   THEY’RE   FOLLOWING US ?     WILL  I  DIE ?     DOES NOX  FEEL THIS  UNEASINESS ?    OR IS  HE MORE  COMFORTABLE IN  THE DARK ?     HOW DOES  HE DO  IT  ...  ?

“  i - interesting,   you like me?   comforting to know.      the feelings mutual  just so you know  ...    couldn’t exactly tell considering you mainly call me  around this hour .   could be confused for  another type of call  but knowing you it tends to deal with   UNNATURAL CIRCUMSTANCES .   ”

 funny how something as simple as light can unwind a person .       sounds of branches cracked beneath the feet of the unknown  echoed  in calvins ears .    he decides to place his hands in his pockets to prevent any further  fidgeting .     i’ve gotta ask for earlier meet up times .      now ,    underneath the flickering street light ,    his mind continues to jump from  idea to idea .    

mild torment ?       what a guy .     middle of the night and he wants to act as if it’s  a normal thing  that just happens to everyday people .     meeting at a random street ,    under a street light  ...    dressed in a suit like he has a meeting to go to afterwards .      for fucks sakes  ...   what’s with this guy .    they stand nearly at the same height ,   and yet calvin continues to look around .    somehow eye contact is  unsettling for him .    guess who’s fault ?     she a pretty little number with empty eyes .    but ,    anyways  he tries every so often to look forward at nox .   funny how he somewhat missed these interactions.     he wonders if they get them  ...   the nightmares .

DOES NOX GO THROUGH FEAR ?     HAS HE EXPERIENCE IT ?     FELT THE COLD SWEATS WAKING UP FROM A NIGHTMARE ?    IS HE HAUNTED ?    HAUNTED BY THE PAST  ...   OR THE PRESENT ?

              “    WHY IS IT WE CAN’T MEET DURING THE DAY ?   ”

head tilts and eyes meet theirs while asking .    vaild question isn’t it ?     meeting so often in the dark ,    calvin jokes in his head he might  forget  what nox looks like and replace it with  a simple outline of a body .    he sighs .   a nice meeting at some cafe with plenty of  light  bleeding in from the windows .   sunlight creating a warm tint to the room .   calvin could feel calm .    SAFE .    he could see nox properly    a dream yet to happen.     as soon as he finally lets out the reason they’re there  ...    his lips part and mouth is left agape .     a ghost ?

    ❝     …    IT’S  JUST  MIKE ,        ❞       spoken   as   though   the   jest   bounds   over   the   boy’s   head.        silence   punctuates   not   only   punctuates   the   last   utterance,        but   heightens   the   clumsiness   of   the   conversation.         throned   before   his   precious   board   game,        die   polished   and   prepped,        michael   sits   patiently.        boy - knight   endures   another   attempt   at   flimsy   humor   before   he   strikes   up   the   core   conversation   to   be   had:         ❝      -    DO   YOU   SERIOUSLY   NOT   KNOW   ANYTHING  ABOUT   DND   AT   ALL   ?         ❞  

is this really that serious ?     calvin hadn’t heard of the game  before  meeting  the boys of hawkins .     a move and suddenly new phrases and things are thrown in every which direction .   sending him into a world of confusion .   dnd ?     why was it called that ?    he  coudn’t  figure out what the letter should stand for   ...     dine and dash ?  he sits across from mike and looks down the board game .       what could those three little letters stand for.      “   do i look like i’d know a lot about DND ?   i skate around and just play at the arcade every now and then   ...   never even HEARD of DND  ...    is this like monopoly ?  ”

❛  you’re holdin’ out on me.  ❜   he states firmly and, frankly, a little peeved. blanc had this nasty habit of expecting people to tell him the truth when he absolutely refused to pay them the same respects.  ❛  that cannot be the most interesting case you ever had. there’s gotta be somethin' better. somethin’ more interesting! where’s the intrigue? the layers? the necessity for gettin’ those little grey cells hard at work? no, your war story is no good, my friend. ya gotta give me one that is acceptable.   ❜  

@sleuthsts·  )   LIKED. 

an interesting case?      only one truly stands out to him ,   and only because he’s had to  write it down  details to  remember .    scribbling away the dog  gnawing  at his mind attempting to erase   her .      a woman cold enough to have flowers and earth die  with each step  she took on an open field .    the stories that haunted him were that of his dear  charlotte .    these follow him at all ends of the world ,     and would continue to do so as long as he lived   ...    as long as they were separated .   calvin knew it was a story that was hard to believe ,    hard to remember ,    hard to fathom .

                      “     HOW ABOUT A STORY ABOUT LOVE ?   ”

‘     ain’t nothing in my favor.     ’     kat knew better than to trust an officer.     𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚓𝚊𝚠 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍,     tension rising her shoulders as she tried to map a way out of this that wouldn’t land her in a ten grand retainer with her lawyer.    fuck,     there wasn’t a way out of this without a lawyer.     the brunette tapped her nail against the table as the record surpassed the real deal.     in and out of jail cells     –     he was right.     it was in and out always.     she made enough money to throw around for a lawyer,     so she was lucky to never appear in a court room even for the battery charge that tried gluing to her side.     officer pipfuck probably would try to use the charge against her.     repeated offender,    𝙮𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙖 𝙮𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙖.

there was one charge that stuck:     𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣.     it killed her every time to watch a few hundred dollar bundle go into evidence.      ah,     but no jail time.     just probation.     probation she could do,     especially now that she was clocking in her third year of sobriety.     her gaze flickered towards him as she watched him move.     why was he talking to her like they were friends,     like he could help?     it was friendly,     but had a touch of arrogance.     ‘     i’m not incriminating myself anymore by talkin’,     so we can talk about the weather,     but you can shove it if you think we’re talkin’ about what happened.     i don’t know if i can really believe you hate that robocop.      i want a phone call and i want my lawyer.     𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗.     good guy,     wicked rep.     ’

trust was always a problem.     a police station was  the holy grail of uncertainty .   lost among the grey walls ,   the  unfortunate prisoners  await trial .     some cuffed and ready to be booked away    ...    away to be confined to another building .   women weeping for  forgiveness .    men yelling with  rage .    all noises to be heard outside their interrogation room .   wailing of the fallen .   souls in need of saving.   calvin sighs as a hand runs over his face .   tired ,   hungry ,   alone .   he awaits her response only to be given what he expected.    doubt .     “   how about trading info ?    his name is chris jameson .   a record of assaulting civilians and using excessive force .   make sure to tell your lawyer and if anything you might be able to sue the precinct .  ”      a pause .    the video camera wasn’t even on .    this was simply  baiting  to other officers .   usually they’d be placed in a room like theirs ,     and  baited  into telling them what they wanted to hear with the cameras off    ...   so they could do as pleased .    for calvin ?     it meant giving someone what they need ,    and helping .     “   technically i don’t work here .    not as an officer ,    more like help and  a confidant .   ”