#affection issues

(This may just be me who is like this, but I don't think so. If you also know someone is is bad at showing affection verbally you might find this helpful or reassuring. It's hard for us to explain so I'm going to try my best) Okay, so I suck at verbally showing affection. Both to friends and partners. When I do manage to, I feel stupid and smushy most of the time and I get really really awkward starting conversations, especially if they involve my affection being known. It is most definitely not a case of us not wanting you to know we care, its just a case that its very very hard for us to do so sometimes.  So If I suck at actually voicing my affection towards you, it doesn't mean I don't care about you as a friend or more. It's just me, but I try my best to show affection in other ways.  If I bake for you consider yourself adored, material things often help me display stuff as well, so if I buy you a little chocolate egg or a tiny trinket that I thought you'd like while I'm out, that is me trying my best to hand you a representation of my care for you in a physical format. This is especially represented in if I know someones had a hard day I'll try and bring them a little treat. This material aspect can also be shown in other ways, for example trusting you to look after a possession of mine or having a mug kept at my place that is yours, keeping a food you like (that I dont like, eg jam) at mine because I know you like it.  I'll also try and remember things you've said about your passions and hobbies because it is important to you.  I may also call you out if you're being an asshole. because I care a lot about you and I don't want you to unknowingly be an asshole,or others opinions of you be tainted, but I'll try my best to do it in the calmest most explanatory way I can and talk it through with you and to try and understand.  Same goes for if I worry about you, its by far one of the weirder ways we are known to show affection but we do it.  Just there are a lot more ways than verbal or physical touch that we use to show affection because it might take us a very very long time to become comfortable with those methods of communicating our feelings. Please dont think we dont care for you because we cannot express it in some formats. 

Honestly I don't think I miss any guy that was in my life that I was crushing on or that liked me.  I think I miss the feeling of being wanted and the feeling of being attached to said person. That's a problem because a part of me wants to believe I miss them because what we had was great then the other half is like you're lying to yourself to make it seem okay that you enjoyed the attention they gave you and now you miss it and not them.

Am I weird?