#advice.

I know systems find it hard to have communication with uncontacted or newly revealed alters, so here are some ways to find out about them

(this also helps to tell if an alter is real or if your brain is just playing around)

01﹒don't force an identity on them.

some alters might find it harder to express themselves if other alters fill out their personal information for them, they may prefer to do it themselves

(ex. don't write or say their full name - just use a letter, don't write their pronouns, don't note down their orientation or gender)

02﹒don't neglect their emotions.

focus on what makes them an individual or what they're comfortable with rather than thier identity

(ex. noting their likes and dislikes)

03﹒give them templates or examples.

they may want to communicate with others but may be confused, not know where to start, or are too anxious to do it without any help

basic things such as introduction templates or giving them a place to write down their thoughts can help them learn who they are and how they fit into the system

04﹒keep them seperated if needed.

alters may blend together when fronting so barring suspected new alters from fronting with old ones can help distinguish them

There's no shame in being exclusively a sub or exclusively a dom. It's also not "boring". Your preferences matter, they're very valid, and no one's worth ignoring your own comfort for.

Also, if you do enjoy domming or subbing and still prefer to call yourself only a sub or only a dom, that's very valid too. Labels should make you comfortable and not make you feel like you've stuffed yourself into a too tight box.

every reply to a thread should have something in it for your partner to respond to. not necessarily a question (although questions are super helpful!) but a general thing for someone to react to. it doesn't even need to be a spoken thing! maybe your character is washing dishes or painting something or watching tv, but it needs to be something that your partner can answer. EXAMPLE: "what are you watching?" "this cooking programme, it's pretty good actually, you wanna watch?" "sure! i'm not a good cook, i could learn a few things. what are they making?" "lasagna, but i'm waiting for them to make the carrot cake later, i have a sweet tooth."

if things need to change, let them change. if you're responding to a thread and thinking "they've been in the kitchen for the last twenty replies and idk what else to do" move the thread to another room! maybe your muse needs to buy groceries! maybe they wanna finish a project! just because a thread starts in a kitchen doesn't mean it has to stay in a kitchen. or even smth like "wanna go see a movie tomorrow?" "sure! i'll text you." and then a time skip!

this is a great question, thank you for asking! it can be really difficult to navigate this space for a D type. there is a lot of guilt, shame, and fear around fulfilling the Dominant's role in kinks like cnc and sadism, because without trust and consent and communication, it would be assault. these concerns can be compounded further if the D type has a identity that's often villainized, made out to be aggressive/ perverted. my partner, for example, is a person of color and has expressed that they would not have brought cnc up on their own because of racial stereotypes

this is why i encourage s types to bring up their kinks (especially hard kinks) first when they can. you can assuage a lot of your partner's concerns this way <3

with all that being said, here are some ideas for how to start that series of conversations (from a blank slate):

step one is that you need to be able to talk freely and openly about sex. that doesn't mean you can't be embarrassed or shy-- it does mean that you need to be able to communicate your interests and limits to your partner, talk about your sexual experiences and what you enjoyed, and most importantly, be able to communicate your boundaries. if you don't have boundaries, you're not ready for kink.

step two, you should start discussing kinks with your partner. no matter if you are an D type, an s type, a switch, top, bottom, or vers, you should start talking about your interests and then boundaries again, this time around specific kinks. this is where the terms hard and soft limits come in handy. sometimes there are things you know are a No without needing to think much about it. those are hard limits. soft limits may be something you're not so interested in, but you would explore. your limits may change! but it's a great way to start

step 3, try making a list of kinks you want to try as an activity with your partner. this is what me and orion did. we made three columns with yes kinks, soft nos, and hard nos. you can go about it how you like. we sat together while making them but kept it mostly to ourselves, then shared them at the end. i recommend this because you'll get a better impression of your own interests and limits this way. especially if you are a people pleaser and tend to sway to other people's ideas. then swap or read through them together. this activity can be an exciting thing to do together, but it also takes a lot of trust to reveal some of our desires (especially if it's taboo or maybe we still feel guilt or shame about it)

step 4, explore that space together, especially if cnc isn't explicitly on their list. that's not the end of the story, right? maybe they don't know about it as a kink, maybe they know it and are interested, but were unsure if you felt the same. (maybe you also didn't put it on your list, worried about what they would say). see if there are any common threads to consensual non-consent scenarios, such as rough sex, the idea of hate sex, different roleplay scenarios, bondage, gags, wrestling. really any activity where you modify or take away a person's ability to say no or fight back. it may come up naturally, it may come up in porn or fanfiction or movie conveniently. you could even purposefully introduce movies or tv shows with those elements and maybe flirt with your partner in a "oh that would be kind of hot" way and see how they respond

step 5, ask them gently but directly. if you're concerned that using words like consensual non-consent or r*pe play etc would make your partner uncomfortable, introduce it differently. as an s type for example, you could ask them: "how would you feel about doing this scenario as we planned, but i pretend i don't want you to?" or maybe as a D type, "do you like it when i'm forceful with you?" "how would you feel about being chased" "how do you feel about trying like a hostage or kidnapping roleplay?"

For example: If you need to sit down regularly, maybe you should look into office jobs.

I personally have noise sensitivity, so I went into the field of construction because hearing protection is normalized and occasionally required.

Now fucking obviously you might not like all the jobs where the accommodations you need are built in, and you may end up loving a job in which none of your accommodations are built in, but figuring out what accommodations you need and then what jobs have them built in is gonna be a helpful starting place.

The second most helpful piece of advice I can give you is to describe symptoms and not disorders when explaining/requesting accommodation.

“I’m autistic.” can mean anything from “I need things explained as simply as possible.” to “I need sensory-related breaks.” and it is unhelpful at best to receive the wrong accommodations.

i say this sm but change the background colour of the doc u work in.

trust me on this. court footage as background noise. it’s mostly boring so u will tune out the words

use this generator if ur in a slump

literlly nobody is stopping u from using vague words like “thing”, “object”,  “person”. my brain gets tired when i over-describe