#adreniline

I attended my first Sea Shepherd meeting last week.

Given my whale obsession, I’ve been a fan of this organisation for years but it has taken me until this point in my life to be ready to dedicate my time and energy to this cause. 

Its been a long, hard road to get to this place and now that I am here, I am thrilled to get involved and stand up for my ethical beliefs, moving into the leadership role I was destined to fulfill.

Needless to say, you can imagine my excitement  I’m an enthusiastic and encourage-able person so in the days and weeks leading up to the meeting, I was super excited.

Color me surprised to find on the day of, I was nervous as hell. Nauseous, trembling hands, racing heart, wide eyes. This is a pretty rare occurrence for me so I was taken aback by the severity of these symptoms.

Courage and determination pushed me on and I still attended the meeting. On the journey home I realized that I had chosen to be anxious. The energy and adrenalin of excitement feels so similar to the energy and adrenalin of anxiety that I had simply chosen to perceive it as fear.

Why I did this is irrelevant. What I must remember and learn from is that I simply chose that interpretation. I am in control of my vista. 

The feelings I had were intense. I’m embarking on a course I know is the result of a pivotal and profound shift in self. This path will change much of my world and I know this deep in my heart and soul. It is understandable then, that my sub-conscious mind would create such strong physical symptoms as a manifestation of this change. Most women have physical symptoms as an expression of their emotions.

What I will take from this experience is that every response and reaction has resulted from a choice point. It wasn’t a big deal for me to be anxious for an hour or so. It didn’t snowball into a doubting of self worth or a worrying about future feelings of nervousness. I know I simply picked the anxious road over the excitement road. Next time, I will pay more attention to my feelings and choose to channel excess energy into action. Accepting the complete control I have over my own feelings and perception.