One of the places I was desperate to go back to was Queenstown, I had spent only a few days there on my trip previously but I just remember it being hugely fun. So Harry and I flew down at the beginning of September so as to catch a bit on the ski season but also hopefully starting to warm up a bit. The first thing I remember about the journey is drag queens on a plane, no this isn’t some new Sam Jackson movie, that weekend was also Queenstown pride where you can go down for some winter fun including skiing in drag. The two lads we met on the plane decided to travel in their outfits, now I’m no expert in drag but it can’t have been particularly comfortable with wigs, make up, tight outfits and high-heeled boots, it’s not how I would like to travel on a plane. But such is their commitment to the art that as they didn’t have time to do it properly there before going out for the evening, so they travelled from Auckland in full drag and looked fucking fierce. It is another indication of what the domestic travel in New Zealand is like however that they didn’t have to look like their ID (not that they ever checked my ID) but they could go in wigs and full on makeup and it didn’t matter.

We had done some research on the best things to do in Queenstown using some sites which offer discounts if you booked in advance, so we had set up that evening’s entertainment already. Our plan was a visit to an ice bar (one of two in Queenstown) and then a pub crawl later that evening which would take us to 4 or five bars over a four hour period with the promise of shots at each stop and pizza some point in the middle. We had no idea whether it would be good but it’s a way to see some of the bars to go to and if it’s really shit you can always just leave the group. First we checked into our hostel, which was right in the centre of town and although booked as a four bed dorm, we were the only two in there. It was such a good hostel that I ended up going back there on my later trip with my friends as although really Central was super cheap and friendly.

The ice bar was interesting, we booked it for after dinner and this meant turning up before your time so you could be kitted up with big winter coats, gloves and scarves, and then the rules explained. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a bar with rules, but given this was below freezing it made sense that they had to have some guidelines. We were given one drink with the price of our entrance and even the glasses were made of ice, they said to always pick it up with two hands as obviously ice is very slippery, I forgot about this and proceeded to throw about half of my drink across the floor of the bar 10 minutes later. Undeterred I ordered another drink and I think we had some shots in our 30 minute time frame that we were allowed in, you had to leave after that as it wasn’t safe to stay in the bar any longer, alcohol plus hypothermia is apparently not a good mix. We then headed to the bar to start the pub crawl; I think it only cost like $10 and was a fun way to meet some other people (including a group who worked in Oamaru where I was heading with friends later in the month) and not just go out drinking the 2 of us. We went to a mix of bars, some better than others and they chose to give the pizza in the smallest, hottest, crowded basement bar… so that was good. We finished up at a dancey bar, where they left us to our own devices and having had a very enjoyable time, we called it a night. Sadly on returning to the room, we discovered that a few more people had checked in, so it wasn’t just me a Harry anymore; probably more sadly for them as we stumbled in at 3am quite drunk.

The next few days were adventure days, I can’t remember exactly in what order we did them but I think we went for an AJ Hackett style hangover cure. AJ Hackett basically invented commercial bungee jumps and there are plenty around Queenstown including the 3rd highest in the world (Nevis) which I had done previously and the first commercial jump off a bridge (Kawarau) into the water if desired. I was happy to do bungees, but it wasn’t Harry’s cup o’ tea so we compromised by flinging ourselves off a cliff on a swing instead. Out at the Nevis Highwire site, they have now built a sling shot and a swing, the second of which you can do tandem, so we suited up, got someone to record us and got ready to swing. When released, you start by falling straight down before you catch the arc and then swing right across the other side of the canyon, it was so much fun and the pictures we bought, on top of the price of the swing (that’s how they get ya!) are great. Even though the swing only lasts a few minutes, the whole process of being taken out of town by bus, watching others take part, getting your photos and waiting for a bus back makes it a half day experience which took us up to dinner time.

There are plenty of places to eat in Queenstown, but one of the most famous places is Fergburger which is called the best burger in New Zealand. Now I’ve had a few meals there and I can say that it’s definitely up there with the best burgers, but the bakery next door is also pretty special; the pies and coffee is beaut. Top tip – ring your burger order in and then walk round 20 minutes later, helps you skip the long (like seriously long) queue; hangover + hard day on the swing meant these burgers were really well received.

On the Monday, Harry had booked some snowboarding lessons, while I slept in and a little later in the day, caught the bus up The Remarkables to have a totally GNAR day and carve up some fresh pow-pow, and by that I mean drink some mulled wine in front of a fire. The views on the way up were pretty breath taking and the turns in the road scary, but the bus is really an adapted lorry so it can take on most terrains and I knew I was in safe hands; I stayed for a few hours and then came back down into town. I had wicked memories of going up there previously for a night ski, but I don’t remember what the slopes actually looked like, I felt like they had been moved around but I don’t know; do ski resorts move slopes around? I remembered the lift up the beginners slope though, the one I fell off a few times sideways and couldn’t get up from, the one a very helpful kiwi ski instructor stood nearby and offered a ‘y’alright?’ the one that made me give up on skiing and go drinking instead; and I’ve stuck to this ever since. It wasn’t really his fault, skiing sucks.

Tuesday was a sunny day, so we made the most of it by going for a hike, I had looked up good walks in the area and Queenstown hill was pretty central and had good views from the top. I also looked at the Ben Lomond track which can include the skyline gondola part way and then a good 6-8 hours hike up and back, but we left a bit late in the day for a full days hike and I remembered that Harry and I are super unfit so we stuck to Queenstown hill. The initial part winds through some of the residential roads before taking a sharp incline into the woods (this part nearly killed us so I was glad we didn’t try a 6 hour hike.) Most of the way up is woodland, with a few clearings every so often to get a view across to the other hills behind the gondola, and the edge of the lake down towards Glenorchy, the sun was shining and it felt good to be out in the open air. There was also a little patch with a load of ‘fairy stacks’ that was cute but a little weird, obviously started by one person and then everyone followed suit; some even had doors in tree stumps. We made it to the top to amazing views across the lake and mountains beyond and a metal sculpture marking the top; then down the other side back into town. The other activity top of my list from experience was the Luge, this was up the skyline gondola (cable car), which provided more amazing views in a different angle – across town and over towards the Remarkables. Then ignoring the views, you stick on a helmet and jump in a little go kart type thing and fling yourself down narrow roads on top of the mountain. So Much Fun. The kart is controlled with a steering handle you pull off the ground and gently edge towards yourself to brake, throwing it forward stops you dead as I found out a few times. I think we bought 5 goes down and I’m pretty sure I won most of them; I have photos somewhere to prove it.

Our final day, we only had a few hours in the morning between check out and our flight back, so we did a boat tour around Lake Wakatipu. The one that filled the time was called the ‘millionaires tour’ and basically saw us float up the Frankton arm of the lake to where the houses are owned by long time QT residents but if sold would be worth millions, they’ve also built some fancy hotels around there too, nice area and lovely views, but far enough out of town to be annoying; I’ll take my cheap and cheerful central hostel thanks.

This was the day I was most nervous for on the entire trip! When I said I wanted to do a flying fox, I didn’t mean one with a free fall, but that’s what we ended up booking. Nervous was an understatement, I was terrified!

This flying fox is the only one in the entire world with a free fall/drop. Ten metre drop, with five metres of that being a free fall, all over a canyon 182 metres below.

It…

me n my friend went on a big swing

me n my friend couldn’t hold our screams in

I wore some swag glasses, she was stabbed up the arse a bit

After our lovely and relaxed week in Melbourne, we said goodbye to Australia and flew over to its neighbour, New Zealand. Helping us to explore the north and south islands were the Kiwi Experience. We’d board a big, green bus nearly every day, drive through scenic landscapes, with regular stops in interesting places, until we reach the town where we’re staying. Everyone would get off the…