#adoptionland

ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH QUOTE 10

Wednesday, November 22, 2023

"We don’t have adoption issues, we have an issue with adoption." – Janine Myung-Ja, Adoptionland: From Orphans to Activists

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You "prolifers" need to get to work adopting the kids who are already here! AND/OR donating towards a Foster Love service project or program! Interested in grabbing the book the quote came from? If so, click here! The image was …

Dear Tabitha,

First off, you didn’t silence me.  Spotty internet while traveling has kept me offline.  After my phone app ate my blog post, I wanted to get to a place that I can use my laptop to post something more than a quip. So, it is mostly happenstance that this is a week or so later in the making.  

 Actually, rather than silence me, you have emboldened me to speak out more.  I am so sick of the bullying from Carri’s camp. It emboldens HER to continue to fleece single moms and pensioners.   So I look forward to responding to YOUR online rages.

  You did EXACTLY what I said you would do, hurl personal attacks rather than address the issues I brought up.  Rather than giving an accounting of your financials or directing us to where we can find your public financial disclosures (as generally required by law for nonprofits, especially if they are tax exempt), you went off on a smear attack.  Why would you even do that risking your online reputation and solvency of your organization? Your Facebook page was taken down for your vitriol and misuse of public documents.

So that begs *the* question:

 What are you hiding?

 I am not the only one asking the question.

 When this is been brought up on the Father’s Angels Facebook page or in the Birth Father’s United group, the askers questions were deleted and they were blocked.  So I am left asking here. I know you felt I was being hard on you and unnecessarily critical of your beloved organization, Father’s Angels. However, my original post (Rob, Tab and Taxes) wasn’t really about YOU, it was about Carri Stearns.   I said that very plainly.   It is as though you didn’t read it.

 Nevertheless, I still wasn’t being hard on you at all.  I am not here to “take anyone down”.  Therefore, I am kind of glad that it took the turn that it did.  I hold Non-profit work Child Welfare reform and family preservation very near and dear. I think about the systems and the politics of it a lot.   I have put together charities, including the application for the 501c3 designation. I know how important to be above board, be transparent, and keep good records.  I know how difficult it is to establish legitimacy of a family preservation organization.  It is a drop in the sea of the billions of dollars invested pro adoption and foster care. You are rocking their boats, and they will retaliate.  Lots of foster parents and adoptive parents are public servants and bureaucrats, and it is not below them to use their positions as a reason to audit and harass, and effectively silence.  

 So when an organization comes a long and is being reckless, acting as if they are ill-informed about laws & accounting practices, or appears shady, I think it is important we police ourselves, rather than give the larger adoption/foster care industry a chance to retaliate and make an example.  Your bad reputation tarnishes all of our reputations, and we are playing by the rules.

 I am not going to report you for an audit, but I bet someone else will.  But Kat Flynn outright saying to me that Fathers Angels is a tax-exempt organization, is fraud.  Not clarifying that donations to Father’s Angels are NOT tax deductible, is fraud.   Not filing tax returns on your proceeds is downright stupid.  Yes, you can be nonprofit and not tax-exempt, you need to make that clear to us when you are asking us for money or selling us trinkets.  (Are you charging sales tax on your trinkets?)  I get this is all complicated, not all of us are schooled in it, but it would be prudent for you to connect to someone that is.  The only reason why you wouldn’t at this point is if you are just an internet grifter running a scam.

 Which brings me to my next question:

 Are you really pro Family Preservation?

 Your so called “truth exposed” post didn’t really reveal any new truths.  It was all a regurgitation of what the unethical adoption crowd has dug up on us. It really was lazy.  Your condemnation of the HOV blog then subsequent use of it to smear Heidi was perplexing.  It also bolsters my assertion that Carri was working with the #BringSonyaHome crowd to undermine John McCaul’s social media campaign.  It also makes me wonder if you weren’t helping also.

So now who is siding with who now?

 My case is different than Rob’s yes, but it is alike in that his daughter was placed with Kin.  So yes the circumstances for the placement are different.  I am happy to clarify that.

You make a lot of supposition about me and my situation without coming to me, or doing any actual research into my story (I have blogged about it).   I suppose I can ask what’s wrong with these dads that these women would rather go through the pain of relinquishment than co-parent, but I don’t (there are at least two very popular cases where we have found out later the woman relinquished because the man was abusive and mental).

My case is my case.  I have no problem saying that.  However, it does show that I not only come to child welfare from an academic experience, but from personal experience.  I understand and have experienced the politics, injustice and the corruption. As far as choosing my son’s abuser, my then 12 year old “stepson”, I can own that.  I own it, even though WA State’s child welfare system doesn’t own the fact that they didn’t provide my son with the help he needed either. They provided him with a shady adoption and a $50k to the woman that adopted him.

 Slam Miki because some of the #BringSonyaHome people came to her side when the even the Bitter Birth Mother Battalion came attacking her.  I mean come on the Birthmothers were more vile in their attack of an adoptee than even unethical adopters could stomach.  Yes, Miki’s kids were contacted and harassed.  That’s how bad it got.

 As far as the Restraining Orders go? Those were obtained by default and not by merit. That’s just some lazy research there.   Miki couldn’t be bothered to show up for that, and Restraining Orders work both ways, so what’s the big deal.  If there was a downside to those being in place, she would have fought them and won.

 By the way, Miki didn’t work for Troy Dunn directly, she worked for Susan Freil Williams. She is extremely grateful that her employment with Susan ended.  Though to date the relationship lives on as an evil apparition that continues to haunt her.  It is where the digs at Miki’s widowhood started.  Seriously, Susan has a bigger hard on for Miki than you have for Heidi. Now, especially since the Carri Stearns blow up, I believe Susan is now working with Claudia D’Arcy on some stuff. Claudia blogged about it.  Troy was only branding of the operation, I guess she is using Claudia for legitimacy now.  Anyways, that point deserves its own blog entry, and I will eventually get to it.

 Now, onto especially why I call into question your credibility as family preservation proponent/advocate.  You NAME Heidi’s older daughter.  You exploit this kid to take a dig at Heidi, Why?  Moreover, what business is it of yours where the girl lives? Heidi isn’t out begging for tens of thousands of dollars to fight a stable kinship placement like Rob is doing.  Bringing her name into it does nothing to lend to your credibility that you care anything about children, but more your own damn ego.

Even if I were to extrapolate from the info you and the #BringSonyaHome camp put together and put on their smear blog, Heidi may have had some problems. BFD! She doesn’t have those problems now! You don’t need to NAME the child, she isn’t part of your problem and doesn’t have anything to do with this, or adoption even.

 You should be ashamed yourself for pulling our kids into your tirade, but I know you aren’t. Pulling them into this didn’t prove what I am saying is wrong.  Heck, it does more to lend to our credibility as advocates.  At least in my case, I’ve been there, I know what it is like.

Okay, yeah you are only half right about who I am… I am not Char Aggie. She was also one of my friends that Rob unfriended and booted out of BFU without getting to the truth. (Again, what a douche).

NO Fathers Angels is not a 501c3, the Facebook post on Fathers Angels even says you are not a 501c3. Representing yourself as tax exempt, when you are not, is fraud, and you could face a lot of penalties.

FA has never publicly disclosed their recipients and expenses, that I have seen. Maybe I haven’t looked hard enough. Please direct me to where I can find that info, and I will make the clarification here

Well several people know that it was Tab that reached out to Heidi. Not, to disparage Heidi, but she didn’t know enough about non-profit, and fundraising to dream up a plan like that. Tab called her at work, with someone else on conference call. The story checks out.

Kat, you are painfully in over your head with this charity stuff. The people you work with are lying to you and withholding information. I understand you really want to help families stay together. I suggest you get out now and contact an attny.

I wish Tab and her lady parts well.

Kat’s message below:

What’s not true? I said nothing pejorative about FA. I only reiterated what they posted about not being tax exempt. If you’d like I can work up a blog about the difference between a tax exempt corporation and one like FA? I will start with transparency and the need for public disclosure of financials to maintain tax exempt status, and how some charities forego the 501c3 status in order to avoid public scrutiny. So, if I have said something untrue, then lets have it. I bet I know your next move, figure out who I am, and dig dirt & embarrass me with it... From kat19852013:

So I’ve been quiet, kept my head down, worked behind the scenes on some stuff, and mostly adjusting to our big move to Mexico.   Life has been good for the most part. So the past couple weeks pretty much ends that. Keeping quiet has allowed too many people to be taken advantage of.  I thought most of the stink had blown off, but someone decided to till the manure pile… and it wasn’t us!

 It started with this post on Fathers’ Angels Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1022043177860226&id=677166982347849

 Then I was pulled into a chat with this guy, Rob Manzaneres: https://www.facebook.com/helpRobManzanares?fref=ts

 And then there was another post in Birth Fathers United (https://www.facebook.com/groups/197329630311585/ ) that has since been deleted (thankfully) that railed against my friends Heidi and Michelle, and a secret Facebook group I belong to that discusses various child welfare cases.

But let’s be clear here, this post really isn’t about Rob or Tabitha of Father’s angles.  It is really about Carri Stearns.  Rob is a guy with a landmark thwarted father adoption case and Tabitha does fundraising for thwarted dads (and her lady parts).  Carri Stearns is a dad thwarter extraordinaire. Seriously, the woman has some mad baby daddy making and child support collecting skilz. So we’re all baffled that she’s even allowed to play on their team. Yeah Carri has an adoption case, where she took the birthmother money and tried to rescind her relinquishment too late.  I think that maybe the window to rescind shortened since the last time I am told she did this, but I haven’t had the time to research it (Anyone know when OH law changed to 72 hours?)  If anyone speaks out or questions Carri, you basically risk your professional life, your family life and any portion of your life you hold dear because she will come at you, and so will the gullible rubes that believe her crap or ardent anti adoption people. It seems like it is Heidi and Michelle that get the brunt of it.  They even get attacked for things that I have said, both privately and publically. Heidi USED to run social media campaigns and fundraisers for parents trying to get their kids back from an adoption situation. She even ran a very successful Go Fund Me campaign for Carri.  I stress USED TO, because between the #BringSonyaHome and #BringCamdenHome campaigns attacking her and her personal life and family, and Carri out right using her and backstabbing her, she is DONE!  Michelle is an adoptee that’s been touched by foster care growing up.  She at one time befriended Carri, but she kept catching Carri in lies, and investigated further.  Me, I am a former foster kid, once teenage mom, and a POS Birthmother that lost her child to the foster care system about a decade ago.  I have done advocacy and lobby work for foster care.

So, onto the manure pile.

 As I said, Heidi was running a very successful go fund me. She also had a few others for dads. When she does fundraisers, she NEVER gives money to the parents.  If it is for legal fees, she sends the money onto their attorney. I got concerned.  Here she is taking in all this money, she is a single mom, and she was going to owe taxes for all this money people are giving her for OTHER people.  And I a pestered her and pestered her about it.  Finally, after showing her enough quotes from the IRS she acted, she told Carri and the dads sorry, and she took down the fundraisers.  Carri harassed her to have control of the social media campaigns Heidi was running, Heidi relented and ultimately was happy to wash her hands of the whole thing (or so she thought).

 Around the same time, Carri and Michelle had a falling out.  Michelle asked if one of her children was born while she was in prison. Her prison sentence and the birthday for one of her kids appears to align.    Michelle was also being contacted left and right by people that had been scammed by her and people that she knows in her offline community.   It was apparent that very little in Claudia D’Arcy’s blog about her situation was actually true.  Michelle shared documents privately and only explained the contents within our secret group.  These documents contained accusations of abuse made to the police a couple of Carri’s children.  We find out that one of those children hasn’t lived with Carri for a long time.

 Okay, I deal with foster care parents all the time.   You were accused of abuse, okay… if it happened why, how and most of all what are you doing to keep this from happening again?  That’s not what happened here.  Her millionaire dad was still alive, so she lawyered up and was able to hang onto most of her kids.  

 Most of all, we deserved to know the truth before we committed our hard earned money and our names and our time and our energy to her cause.  People left her cause, with reason.  I wasn’t all that attached to the case, but I still saw the error.  So the people that were running her secret pages and her online petition pulled out, and those were taken down. AFTER Heidi had already given up control over them. Heidi is then accused of dismantling the social media and quitting the fundraising over the abuse allegations.  Heidi had already washed her hands of all that.  Then it is all over the Twitter-verse that she was skimming the fundraisers.  Which while, Go Fund Me takes a big chunk, Heidi sent every dime to the attorney on record and has receipts to show for it.

 Then Heidi gets a phone call from Tabitha at Father’s Angels.  Tabitha offers to send Carri a 1099 for the $12k or so that Heidi raised.  For Heidi this would have been great, she could have gotten out from underneath paying the taxes, and the contributions would have been re-characterized as tax exempt and tax deductible (or so we thought).   She was going to discuss it with the other Father’s Angels board members and get back to her.  

 A few days later, Tabitha unfriends Heidi and quits taking calls. There are tweets issued saying Heidi is trying to commit tax fraud.  They are going report her to the IRS.

 So essentially, Heidi raised money for Carri and then threatened to call the IRS if she did not claim the money on her personal tax return.  It turned out okay for Heidi, but she did have to pay a CPA this year to do her taxes.  Normally, being that she is a single working mother, tax preparation would be free. While it didn’t cost her with taxes, she did incur the CPA fees and likely reduced her tax return.

Now Carri and Tabitha are now inseparable in the online Adoptionland.  If I were to speculate, it is because Carri comes from an affluent background.  Up until her father died, she never really wanted for anything.  When he passed, most of his entire estate went to his widow, Carri’s step mother.   Even if she doesn’t have access to her dad’s coffers, she still has access to that society and that avenue of fundraising.

 So this makes the post from Father’s Angles about their charity status very curious.  None of us had realized that they weren’t a 501c3 tax exempt organization.  They have to pay taxes on their proceeds.   Which also means if you have given to them in the past, you can’t deduct it on your taxes if you itemize.  Most of the people making donations aren’t in the position to itemize anyways.  

Then there is Rob.  I have called him a douche, he has called himself an ass hole over this, but hasn’t given us the satisfaction of even acknowledging the validity of our grievances with Carri.  Really my problem with him has nothing to do with his adoption case, and more to do with his way he treats us.  

 I actually gave a little bit to his legal fund.  I felt bad for him and could relate because his daughter was being forced into a kinship situation.  While it isn’t letter of the law type stuff, I know from experience, it is harder to unravel an adoption plan if the child is placed with a relative.

The beef with Rob happened when he unexpectedly unfriended Heidi and a handful of friends, and booted them out of the Birth Father’s United group.  We find out that Carri has been telling him that we are working actively to take down her case and threatening her children.  Which couldn’t be more untrue. We gossip about her, yes we do.  But we do it privately. Really, she doesn’t have a case, and has done more to damage her own reputation and chances of rescinding her relinquishment herself (with help of her blogger friends).

 He did that without even getting their side of the story.  For that he is a douche.

 Heidi for the most part wants to move on, she tries not to talk about Carri, and she never goes out of her way to say anything.  She just doesn’t have time for this nonsense.  She has tried to wash her hands of this on numerous occasions.  

 Michelle, she has been more open about Carri on twitter.  It is mostly slut shaming and push back on what they are saying about her.   She wants people to get to the truth.  Adoptionland is divided because of Carri, she lost near and dear friends over this. This was her community before this.  She was hurt when Carri’s supporters came after her publically.  They contacted her kids, and made fun of the death of her husband, even accusing her of killing him. The Birth Mothers took their frustration with Adoption out on an adoptee.  An adoptee and former foster child, just like “Camden”.    

 Me, I’ve sat as quiet as I can. Mostly discussing this in private forums.  However the Carri detractors staying silent has allowed her to take advantage and damage too many people.  So No MORE! I guess I will have to look forward to posting their retaliation for this blog.