#admin kain

The spring air carried a sweet aroma and with the gentle breeze caressing my skin; it felt as if I were in a dream. The warm sun rays danced across my skin through the tree branches and to make it all better he was sitting next to me. Yixing was an upperclassman of mine and just the thought of him would have my cheeks burning a fierce crimson. With every breath he would take it would feel as if he was stealing my own and when I would look into those soft brown eyes my stomach would be battered by a thousand butterflies twisting and twirling around each other.

Yet, Yixing carried a heavy air about him. Even after meeting him once I could pick him out of a crowd, identify him from behind, recognise him at a distance. Yixing’s presence always felt so unnatural but at the same time so alluring. There was something off about Yixing but that something was so unmistakably him and so, in a way, very captivating.

Yixing was impossible to read. His actions never had a clear motive or reason and, for some reason, when he had asked me to meet with him, it felt as if it was something I shouldn’t do. So why did I? A stinging sensation. It’s a question I still don’t know the answer to.

He was an artist and true artists always have such a sensitivity about them, a sensitivity to the world around them, the people, the environment and, maybe that is what made Yixing so different from those around him, he was always so aware and yet lost in his thoughts. Even in that moment. Yixing didn’t look away from whatever project he was working on at the time and even though he wasn’t looking at me, I could swear I felt his eyes burning into me. “You came.” The words were barely audible over the scratching of a pencil against paper. Back then even two simple words would have me melting from the inside out. It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it? But that’s who I was back then.

“Why are you always watching me? Do you like me?” He was so nonchalant and bold at the same time I was completely caught off guard. If someone approached me like he had today I would likely only groan but back then I thought it was so cool and charming and my now burning complexion gave him all the answer he needed. “Let’s date then.” was his only response before he got up and walked away. I, on the other hand, was left swooning like the immature child with I crush I suppose I once was.

During the school hours, Yixing was always too busy to spend time with me. He had more important things to do, like spending time with his friends, instead. He was also a member of the music club and would have to stay late at school. Every week I would be two hours late home just so I could give him his favourite drink and snacks. Our “dates” were always especially thrilling with him working on some project or another and not listening to a word I say but the worst part was that I loved it. Looking back on it now it’s embarrassing how foolish I was but, back then I was so in love and I knew that Yixing was the one.

With just the sight of him, I would feel a tightness in my chest and lungs would ache from trying so desperately to grasp at some oxygen. My heart felt as if it was constantly swelling with emotion and could burst at any second. I was so pure and in love and he never noticed, he never cared to. I don’t know why Yixing had asked me to date him or why he kept me around but what I did know is that with every ignored “I love you,” every rejected kiss and, every time he raised my hopes to the heavens just to send them plummeting back down it felt like thousands of shards of glass cutting into my heart one by one.

Technically I don’t think me and Yixing ever broke up. I stopped texting and calling, it’s not like I ever got a response anyway, I stopped waiting for him after school and stopped arranging dates and, he never said anything. He never said hello to me, never checked if we were okay, if I was okay. For all that sensitivity and observance he never really noticed me. Yixing isn’t a bad guy by any means he was just “distracted” and that’s okay.

For all that happened, I don’t think dating Yixing was a waste of my time. He never gave me any tangible gifts but he helped me to discover one of the greatest things I carry with me to this day and that’s my maturity. I learnt to be realistic, that those fairytales don’t really exist and things aren’t just happily ever after. I learnt that even if I get the guy, he might not be the guy for me and that I have to work for my happiness.

Because of my newly found maturity, I was able to stop myself ever falling for another Yixing again and when the next ex came along I was able to look after myself. Because of that maturity that I’ve carried with me all these years, and now I’m at Yixing’s wedding. Not angry, not heartbroken but genuinely happy as I watch my first love marry his true love. “So that’s the rundown on Yixing, my first boyfriend.” My hands were linked with that of my true love’s and we both laughed in unison.

You felt Kai tug on your hand as walked, turning to face him he was looking down at you with a warm smile on his lips. “Mmm...what are you smiling to yourself about?”

“Nothing,” truthfully, you hadn’t even realised you were but with the comfort you felt being lost in your thoughts and distracted from the world around you, it’s hardly surprising.

“It didn’t seem like nothing,” Kai had that signature shit-eating grin, that was clearly an effect of spending too much time with Sehun on but when he did it you couldn’t help but find it unbelievably handsome.

“It’s just that on Tuesdays the canteen sells curly fries, the best kind of fries” you muttered out with a sigh and a teasing tone. You had caved in and began dating Kai but you were by no means in love yet and you wanted to keep whatever distance you still could until things were settled.

Kai looked somewhat disappointed by your answer but just as quickly appeared to perk up once again. “Hm, I think so too.” He said in a somewhat husky, sultry tone leaning closer.

“Yikes. Just looking at you two makes me want to be sick.” At the sound of the indifferent, monotone voice Kai jumped backwards, thank God, allowing you to step back and create some distance and room to breathe. The voice came from a very unimpressed looking Kyungsoo who couldn’t remove his books from his locker fast enough.

“Speaking of sick, I heard about your boyfriend, all over the bus, gross.” Kyungsoo audibly sighed at Kai’s comment. It appears Kyungsoo has a full day planned of nursing his over-emotional and notoriously clingy boyfriend back to health. His face looked pain stricken as if imagining the crying and pleas for cuddles as we spoke.

After taking a deep breath Kyungsoo seemed back to his usual self seemingly more interested in looking after his boyfriend than feeling sorry for himself and returned to packing his things. “Yeah I know, and the woman sat in front, real charmer I have there. I’m going to leave in a bit to look after him but he wanted me to stay and get the goss on the new girl first.” Kyungsoo laughed out, you could hear his fondness for his boyfriend in the way he spoke. Nothing he said was unexpected, well nothing unexpected except the mention of a new girl, it was the first you had heard of a new student arriving...

“...New girl?” You thought out loud.

It was Kai who responded now. “I’m surprised Bora didn’t tell you? She’s on her athletic team, they’re both runners. Apparently, she’s a real goddess.” Something about Kai’s words gave you a sick taste in the back of your throat and a premature dislike for the girl whose name you didn’t even know yet.

“Cute.” You said as bitterly as possible, Kai seemed to pick up on this giving you a lopsided grin and pulling your sulking self towards his chest.

Judging by the gaze you got from Kyungsoo he seemed to pick up on it also except his eyes were laced with something different, however, was it confusion? Disapproval? You couldn’t quite place your finger on it, maybe you were just imaging the sinister undertones. “So I hear. Well...anyway, I’m gonna go, talk to you later.”

You couldn’t get out of the now awkward encounter sooner and you quickly waved Kyungsoo off “Yeah it’s about time I got to class, sent your boyfriend my best wishes!” With that, you turned on your heels and went off towards the classroom with a list of questions for Bora about this “goddess” friend of hers.

“Wait!” You couldn’t have even taken three steps before Kai was running after you. “Let me walk you,” Kai laced his fingers with yours and he lead you off towards your class.

Your mood swings when it came to Kai were giving you whiplash, thankfully he seemed to be completely oblivious. It was strange though you felt somewhat smothered but his omnipresent nature, and it was only 9 am you still had half an hour until the school day actually began, but at the same time the idea of his attention being drawn anywhere else, such as this new girl, make you want to punch glass. “You really don’t have to, you’re supposed to be in the other building.”

“I want to,” Kai answered hastily with a smile as big as the pacific ocean and somehow you found yourself unable to say no

“Clingy little shit.” You muttered under your breath and he lead you off towards class. Kai insisted on kissing you goodbye at the door, for your entire class to see but there was something sweet in his annoying personality, maybe this is why Kyungsoo likes how his boyfriend is literally glued to him so much? You turned to find five pairs of eyes watching you intently, without a word Soyou pointed to your seat.

As Kai walked through the courtyard on the way to his building he took a moment to really let everything sink in. The soft rays of light warming his bronze skin, the subtle tingling on his lips remembering the light kiss from just moments ago and the bliss he felt so intensely right now. It felt as if he was dreaming, the one person who had occupied his mind for so long was finally his, he finally felt that despite the struggles he had faced things were on the up and even though he knew it was unwise to put all his eggs in one basket he didn’t want to rain on his own parade quite yet.

It seemed however that he wouldn’t be the one souring his mood at all when his eyes locked with Kyungsoo’s icy glare. “I knew you were romantic but I didn’t realise you were also a fucking idiot,” his tone was harsh and unwavering, Kai was unsure whether Kyungsoo was about to scold him or slap him. “It’s not love, not yet. If this true love like you seem to have deluded yourself into thinking it is Sehun wouldn’t have ever been a threat to that so for you to go falling head over heels with little more than a glance in your direction is nothing short of pathetic.”

Kai was taken aback by Kyungsoo’s cruel demeanour. His friend had always favoured the tough love approach and was very no-nonsense but in this current moment, he just seemed mean. “Kyungsoo what? Why are you being like this...”

“People say some crap about kindness and weakness but you’re just naive Kai. What kind of a fool expects happily ever after, after one day.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“I’m saying this because I don’t want to see you get hurt more than you already have been but honestly this all makes no fucking sense, one minute you and Sehun hate each other and he’s plotting to steal your true love next you’re back to being the most homoerotic pair of ‘friends’ I think anyone has ever seen and now you’re walking on fucking clouds probably planning a wedding to someone who was like ‘yeah... I’ll give it a shot, I could do worse.’ and all this only happened yesterday! Am I the only one who thinks this makes no sense whatsoever?” With each word uttered Kyungsoo’s anger rose to the point that it was visible with each contraction of his facial muscles. Before Kai could even mutter a word in response Kyungsoo was storming off towards the front gate.

“DATE ME!” Heechul broke the silence with a whispered shout mere inches away from your face, there was still some time before your tutor showed up and the day began and apparently your friends intended to take full opportunity of that, causing everyone in the room to observe as discretely as possible to attempt to eavesdrop on the conversation at hand. “I AM ILL FOR ONE FUCKING DAY AND YOU’RE MAKING TWO HOT AS HELL BOYS FIGHT OVER YOU IN THE CANTEEN AND THEN MAKING BLOODY LOVE CONFESSIONS IN THE RAIN LIKE YOU’RE THE LEAD OF A DAMNED DRAMA!”

“Not to mention the fact I had softball practice” Hani muttered under her breath.

“It wasn’t intentional it all just kinda...happened,” You felt like you were in an interrogation with their eyes fixed firmly on you and Heechul’s warm breath hitting your skin and he whispered venomously in your direction.

“Ordering in when you’re on a diet just kinda happens, a drunken orgy just kinda happens, this is not something that just. kinda. Happens!” Heechul was almost whining as he spoke and with each word his tone became slightly louder and more eyes seemed to be plastered on you. You could almost feel each set as they assessed the situation and tried to find some way into hearing more of the conversation and understanding the hot issue that this situation happened to be to your peers.

“We are all as confused as you are.” An exasperated Hyorin said slumping back into her seat.

Soyou wrapped her arms around Hyorin’s shoulders “I honestly have no words.”

It seemed as if your friends disapproved of your actions and you couldn’t help but feel almost ashamed. Should you have spoken to them before you acted? Should you have waited longer before doing something? “I’m sorry I didn’t mean for any of this to happen I just got so caught up in everything I guess.”

“Oh no, don’t apologise. Kai is one of the better options, I tried to get him into bed more than once but he’s never bitten, much to my displeasure. Now that you are together...I get to know first-hand everything I could ever want and if the need arises and you want some advice or tips I will be more than happy to lend a hand, quite literally if possible.” Heechul spoke with a wide grin and teasing tone and it was in that moment you realised that they had been stringing you along.

You couldn’t help but laugh at your own gullibleness and Heechul in general. “Oh my god you’re actually the most perverted person I know.”

“Takes one to know one, it’s why you love me so much,” Heechul said with a wink.

All six of you settled into your seats then waiting for the teacher to arrive and the school day to begin. Bora was noticeably absent, apparently, she was with the new girl helping her find her way around and gather her timetable. You couldn’t help but to let your mind run wild with thoughts of this new girl, she was a runner like Bora so she was probably in great shape, as well as that she was described as a “goddess” does this mean she has a great personality or is she stunning or even both? With the excitement drummed up around her already, you couldn’t help but feel almost threatened by her arrival.

It appeared that today fate had a sense of humour as you weren’t left to ponder long. The door swung open and accompanying the teacher was Bora and besides her was a girl with cascading ebony hair, large doll-like eyes and figure to die for. It was impossible to decide on one area to focus on since everything about her was seemingly perfect, Her cat-like face shape, her pillowy, pink-stained bow lips even the atmosphere she created was so enticing and she had an undeniable charm about her without her even having to do a thing. “Class as you know we have a new student joining us today this is Goo Hara.”