#addictio

Our eBook Friday pick is Stuff I've Been Feeling Lately by Alicia Cook: http://qnslib.org/lqBP30bcHfF

This unique collection of lyrical poems, arranged like tracks on a 90's mix tape, deal with the reality, and personal experience of addiction.

July 18th 2020

            Sympathy Vs Empathy

            I did a program about this a few weeks ago and it really stuck around in my brain and even had a few debates with other people, I want to talk about it and give my best view on it.

            “Sympathy Drives Disconnection” a quote from Brene Brown on a video that was presented in the program about this topic. I had to…

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Six and a half months ago I decided I didn’t want to letalcohol rule my life.  I didn’t want to waste the money, lie to my children, miss work, hurt my spouse or friends or continue to make myself physically ill.  The decision itself was easy I had made it so many times before that I wouldn’t have another drink.  I would tell myself I am not doing it anymore.  Other stories I told myself were :

If I ate before I drink I will be fine. (Nope just more to puke up)

I just can’t drink rum, vodka, whiskey etc it messes with my blood sugar. (Pass me a jello shot)

I earned this because my boss, ex, friend, co workers, employees, children were horrible to me today.

I’ll only have beer this time. (o.O is that cinnamon whiskey?!)

I’ll only have one drink then go home. (Isn’t that so and so now I have to stay!)

If I start being rude they will tell me to stop. (Just like they will quit serving you)

It’s so and so’s fault for buying the beer or shots. (NVM you talked them into it)

It was just that last drink that made me act that way. (Because less drunk is better?)

This drink will help me relax, feel better, let go, deal with it, forget about it, help with it.

I’ll just pay this or that bill out of the next check. (As my credit score crys)

I’ll just tell them my child is sick, its my fmla condition and stay home. (Will still complain about others doing it)

I must be fighting off a bug this morning. (Brown Bottle Flu)

I’ll tell them I had to work late or he had to work late. (They don’t hang out here oh shit is that their car?!)

I am just a clumsy person (my favorite).

I was drunk I didn’t mean it. (Funny thing it still hurts them)

I’m okay to drive (seriously anyone says that take their keys)

Taco Bell sounds awesome! (I still tell myself that one still pay for it later)

In truth acting on the decision was one of the hardest things I did in my life.  Calling my father a vetern of AA and asking for help hurt in a way I didn’t know I could hurt.  However the relief of walking into the room at my first AA meeting and saying out loud what I had been saying in my head was unmeasurable.  I truly believe that day saved my life so I will keep saying it.