#actuallyamber

I've missed you every minute of everyday.

I miss you in the most painful and confusing ways.

Have you ever missed someone you have never met?

Have yave you ever ached so badly to hold someone you have never met?

Have you ever dreamed about the face, and the voice and the love of someone you have never met?

For nearly 6 years I have missed you, every minute, of everyday.

I miss having a person who gets me.

Or at least could pretend to long enough to bring me back from my dark place.

I know I'm crazy.

I used to have a safe place maybe two if I was lucky for little spurts of the crazy to come out and be okay.

Now it's all kept deep down with the lid twisted on tight and just spews out randomly at anyone and noone.

It's not safe .

I'm not safe.

I deserve to be ignored, and shut out.

I deserve to be hated unless you need to feel loved.

And I deserve to have to bite my tongue.

I deserve to have no voice.