Sing a song of hope.

I've missed you every minute of everyday.

I miss you in the most painful and confusing ways.

Have you ever missed someone you have never met?

Have yave you ever ached so badly to hold someone you have never met?

Have you ever dreamed about the face, and the voice and the love of someone you have never met?

For nearly 6 years I have missed you, every minute, of everyday.

2/24/2017.

I show you who I want you to see,

who I think you want me to be.

My very existence depends on your acceptance

I fear the death that is, rejection.

My life, is not my own.

I serve others, for love.

Myself, I disown.

My insides are boiling, trying to escape

I pace back and forth, I rock and shake.

Get me out of myself

Again, I flee.

Self destruction consuming me.

Letting it all go,

An illusion of freedom.

A slave to my emotions and inner demons.

Ill sabotage the good, and push you away

Ill test the limits and hope you’ll stay.

I cut myself, to interpret the pain.

Your understanding I’ll never gain.

Lock me up,

Make my decisions.

I can’t be trusted, with the life I am living.

I envy others.

I imitate.

I wear a smile, but all is fake.

The lost little girl.

Trying to find her way home.

Terrified to be alone.

My identity, I hope to find in you

I wait to be rescued, from my shame and depression

These things I’ll never tell you,

I miss having a person who gets me.

Or at least could pretend to long enough to bring me back from my dark place.

I know I'm crazy.

I used to have a safe place maybe two if I was lucky for little spurts of the crazy to come out and be okay.

Now it's all kept deep down with the lid twisted on tight and just spews out randomly at anyone and noone.

It's not safe .

I'm not safe.