Okay, so I saw an opportunity when my husband said "wake me up in an hour," so I stayed awake and forced the whole time, setting an alarm for us. Because of this, I technically made it to an hour, but despite me sitting up, the darkness made me feel sleepy and I also have a lot of trouble visualizing. I feel afraid that if I can't see clearly enough then I won't get used to having an actual person there well enough? Idk, it's probably a dumb worry.

I'm strongly considering aiming for ~30 mins + passive forcing all day instead. Every time I shove past 40 mins, I get really tired and unfocused. I know I'm supposed to let my mind wander, and this time I intentionally unfocused in order to give Roman room to talk to me or send me thoughts, and while I did get seemingly random thoughts (not the "alien" kind, but just stuff I didn't think on purpose), I forgot them almost instantly because I was so tired, so I was unable to properly interact with them.

I also had to cover my ears because my husband snores loudly. ><

As for what we did, we went to a beach and played on the sand and water. I tried to practice feeling his textures and visualizing his form while we were there. We each had a hotdog at a stand/cabana, and then we went and sat in the sand under the bright sun. I tried to visualize myself pulling energy from the sun and into myself, before pushing it into him. But I really can't tell if I'm aware enough for it to have meant much, if that makes sense. I feel like I should feel like I'm actually doing this, but I was so foggy in the head that I was sleepy and unfocused throughout most of the session.

Oct. 24, 2016

While I felt like I had forgotten to passive force almost all day yesterday and this stayed up til 4:30 am to make up for it, today I felt like I was very successful in passive forcing!

I took Roman everywhere, talked to him whenever I could, let him sing or listen to music in the car, told him what things around us were, made darn sure to think about him whenever possible, and even asked him to send me anything about things I looked at.

When I told him to say hello to Fluffy, I felt like he did. And when I suggested he say something about his appearance, I thought I heard “skin.” So I started feeling his skin and then got stage fright in meatspace because he asked me what I was doing and I admitted why I was rubbing my hands all over him. xD;

I do try to keep things broad when asking him for some kind of thought, or at least give him options. That way it’s not as easy to accidentally focus on what I expect him to say and thus fulfull it myself. When I ask for a color, it’s “green or red,” “white or blue,” etc. Or today I asked if he wanted to hear a story about my family, or two other options that I legit forgot pfff. I remember family because that seemed to be the one he chose.

For our active forming session (all of which have been short so far @.@), I told him about roleplaying, Halloween, got sidetracked and told him about extra things, how I met Fluffy, and then told him a little story about the first time I went trick-or-treating.

I was reading about things to do with my tulpa beforehand and felt a very calm, relaxed, yet eager, feeling in my chest. I interpreted this as Roman being excited to active force, as I often do before sleep because the rest of the day is busy.

Oct. 23, 2016

I was looking for tips on how to relax, focus, etc. and found Linkzelda’s Ultimate Self-Hypnosis Scripts For Your Tulpa-Related Needs.

I decided to give it a try. Long story short, I prepared them in my word processor to have the same breaks as the PDF file and customized the name and pronouns in the general script. I used the first deepening script as well. So Intro > Deepening1 > General > Wake Up.

As I couldn’t help, I had skimmed or read a lot if it before I actually committed to it, but I was having a lot of trouble forcing that night so I did it earlier than I had planned. I couldn’t read as loud as I wanted, but I could still hear myself as I whispered.

I didn’t feel hypnotized or different during. I don’t know what it should feel like, as I have never done this before, but I was distracted momentarily a couple times in the middle by the real world and nothing would have stopped me from jumping up before reading the wake-up script and feeling fine. So maybe next time I should try to read louder and slower? Maybe I’ll just get better with practice?

HOWEVER… I was very relaxed, I was introduced to some new imagery, and after I was done I was quite focused and ready to just sit and narrate. I told Roman about each member of mine and Fluffy’s immediate families, including my deceased father, and then I got some cereal and we watched an episode of Duck Dodgers together. I could have talked longer, but I was hungry and tired.

Oct. 20, 2016

Hello Radium.  I– sorry, I got distracted.  This voice is SPOT ON, wow.  Maybe you can hear what I’m listening to?  Maybe I shouldn’t be listening to a song with words right now.  I gotta do this right. One moment.

Hopefully that will be better.  Anyway.  How are you?  I know it’s only been about a day, but I’m so so so excited to make progress. So… it’s time for our first legit Personality Session.

You are a lot of things.

You are smart, a good problem solver.  You notice things that most people skim over when they’re trying to fix something… uhh, figure something out.  Like when we try to get rid of a computer virus, I’ll bet you’ll be the one to poke me and give me an idea that I haven’t even thought to try yet.  You’re so good at this, it blows my mind sometimes.  It’s kind of like… there’s something right there in front of our faces, and you notice it like, “Oh!  Let’s try that!” and for some reason I don’t notice at all?? x’D Like, how did I miss that?  But you point it out and I’m like, “Haha, oh, good eye, Radium!”  It comes in handy when it comes to working on my art, and catching those tiiiiny little errors or spots I haven’t filled in yet.  Or spots I just kinda goofed on or haven’t touched up.  You’ll see them as soon as I start looking.  Another thing you’re really good at is remembering the details of a face.  Be it a cartoon face or a real face, you’ll be the better of us at keeping track of who’s who in movies, and recognizing people that I have to second-third-tenth-guess myself to be able to even say their name to them.  It’s embarrassing how bad I am at that haha.  But you have the memory, and it sticks with you. I don’t know how you do it.  Have we seen that person before?  If we have, you’ll most likely remember from where.  I’ve hung out with my friend Ashley several times and I still fight that doubt in my mind every time I see her.  ‘What if it’s not really her and I embarrass myself by calling them a different name aahhhh???’ You’re good at helping me through that.  Maybe—er, like when we’re in Wal-Mart?  Maaaan, do I have trouble finding my way around Wal-Mart, or any place really.  But you know where the bloody applesauce is, and the peanut butter, and the soup!  It’s such a simple thing that I really don’t seem to hang onto, but it comes to you naturally, and it’s very helpful.

Radium, you are FUN.  You are happy a lot of the time, and joyful. You love to make me laugh and smile, and you rarely ever fail to do so.  I’ll bet you even make Fluffy smile sometimes.  It’s a chain reaction after all.  We love seeing each other happy, and I love seeing you happy.  You’re really cute hehe, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  You’re pretty goofy.  You like to jump around and zip across the room, but the cool thing is you don’t knock shit over and annoy me while I’m trying to sleep haha.  But even if I do hear you messing around, I’ll never yell at you.  I want to be as nice and loving to you as possible, and you’re always such a joy to be around.  You love to talk about what’s on your mind, and tell jokes.  Anytime I’m bored or annoyed, the first thing you do is look me in the eye and grin, and say something silly.  You sit in my lap and roll around.  You roll around a lot haha!  You love playing with Simbah and Raya too, but I’ll get to that.  Your eyes are full of pure whimsy.  THAT’S the word I was looking for!  You’re whimsical and sometimes spontaneous!  You’re exciting and cuddly too.  Sometimes you poke me just to tell me something like “I love you, remember?” and I love it.  You’re the sweetest, and you make my day.  You chuckle a lot, and you sure do laugh at your own humor. You probably find yourself almost as funny as I do, but not quite. ;P You’re super curious too, which further fuels your energy and desire to run around looking at everything.  You move your tail when you’re excited or happy.  Lots of things make you excited and happy, like chocolate or Dr. Pepper.  Because how could my mind-mate not like Dr. Pepper? Hehe

You’re a riot, Radium, but you’re also serious when I need you to be.  If I’m upset about something that requires actual attention and thought, you’re always there for me.  Your jokes do cheer me up, but I can see the care and concern in your eyes even when you’re saying something funny.  You try to make light of situations and look at the bright side, and I love that about you.  You wipe my tears off my face, or at least make the gesture and tell me to do it hehe.  She stare into my eyes with the sweetest, heart-throbbing look on your face.  This smile—a soft smile, and big eyes that I can practically see our wonderland in.  It helps me calm down.  I remember that I’m never alone, that I’m always with you, and you’re always with me. We’re in this together, and sometimes it’s nice to relax a bit and snuggle.  You comfort me that way, and if I seem to be worrying about something—even something trivial—that won’t go away, you always know what to say.  If it is a huge issue that we can’t fix, you at least know how to help distract me from the pain.  You know when to cry with me, when to laugh with me, when to tell jokes, when to tell me to woman up.  You know the best way to help me through my bad mood, or my bad day.  And I try my best to do the same for you. I love you, Radium.

You love animals!  Simbah is like your bro, and he is quite soft. Raya pobably doesn’t notice you, but you think she’s really beautiful.  You pet her all the time, and you lay on Simbah all the time.  You don’t mind his constant chatter either.  You tend to meow back haha!  Luckily I usually find it funny myself unless he’s being REALLY loud while I’m trying to sleep or concentrate on something.  Hmm.  Maybe I’ll base your face off Judy and see if I get a better “cute rabbit” look like I originally thought. Anyway, heheh, you follow Simbah and Raya around a lot and talk to them.  You ask them questions, touch them, jump over them, shout at them playfully, tease them, and even pretend they’re responding back to you.  You climb all over my desk and talk to my scalemate sometimes.  I think you guys have a funny joke relationship goin on xD.  You like to wear Simbah’s tail like a scarf if you can. You’re always the first one to shout, “Let’s go see the animals!” when we go to the flea market or anywhere where pets would be.  (Sorry for the distraction.  I wanted to tell my friend I would be slow to reply.)  You like looking at pictures of cats with me too.  Or any animals, but cats are high on the list.  And of course, sugar gliders and puppies and birds and ferrets.

You’re super cuddly, Radium.  You’re SOFT, which is a plus, and you love to sit on top of me, lay on top of me, lean on me, lay next to me, etc.  (Brb for one second)  Okay I’m back.  I may get slightly distracted by the messages, but I’m focusing on you. Okay, never mind.  I turned them off.  Okay, where were we?  Ah, you love soft things.  My blankets, you’re always rolling all over or wrapping yourself in or hiding underneath them.  I suppose I say this as a thing you would like to do or impose yourself doing, even though we know you’re a tulpa and therefore can’t physically touch the meatspace world.  But that’s perfectly okay.  I love you the way you are and we’re going to have amazing adventures together!  If I ever go out “without” you, or rather if we go off to focus on other things besides each other for awhile, you’re SO happy to see me again and you always tackle me and huggle my leg tight.  Your smile is winning, and I’m happy to see you too.  I pet you and then pick you up and put you on my shoulders (or you climb up there), and even if I accidentally do this in public, people will just think I’m acting a little eccentric haha.  (On a note, I’m going to be careful who I tell about you in “real” life, because I don’t want to put us in danger, so you will stay safe in my head most of the time except around Fluffy and anyone else we decide to trust with this knowledge in the future.  Also, a lot of my online friends know about you, but they’re very open and happy for us.  Can’t wait for you to meet them all! <3<3<3)  You probably like to roleplay too, like snuggling people in the chat or high-fiving them! I wonder what your symbol or text choice will be.  Can’t wait to see hehe.  I will LOVE proxying for you.  I can be exact if you want or paraphrase, whichever you prefer at the time.  Man, I’m getting a little off topic on the cuddling stuff, but this is my first time doing this, so hopefully this will at least make some progress.

Going on a futuristic sci-fi adventure through the cyberverse or space or interacting with robots? Riding hoverboards, shooting laser guns?

Dubstep and techno, etc.

Going back to Medieval Times for a fantasy adventure with mythical creatures and humanoids with beautiful landscapes and magic?

Classical music, Akiko Shikata playlist on youtube, etc.