#acespnweek

Hannah had come out to her and Tessa when they had all first started dating.  She had been so worried, and ashamed, and unsure of herself that Tessa and Anna had promised each other they would support her every step of the way in every way they could.  They never wanted Hannah to feel broken or unloved just because she didn’t want sex with them.  Plus, cuddling with Hannah was the best.  It really could not get better than that.

Hannah smiled at Anna as she bounced in her seat but Anna could see her tense, so she ploughed ahead.  “There’s a mixer on Tuesday and Tessa and I will totally go with you if you want to.  And hey, free food, right?  But no pressure, if you don’t.  We love you so much, we just thought it might be cool?”

That seemed to relieve some of the tension from Hannah’s frame.  “Okay, yeah, maybe?”  Anna smiled.

“Maybe it is.  Are you almost done here?  Or do you need to study for a while?”  Hannah shook her head.

“I’m good for today.  Just trying to get a little research done for that paper due Friday.”

“Okay!” Anna said brightly and stood as Hannah packed away her laptop.

They held hands all the way back to their dorm.  When they got there Tessa was curled up on the beds they had pushed together into a makeshift double reading Confrontations with the Reaper.

“You know, your obsession with death is really very creepy,” Anna teased, making her way over to the bed.  Tessa just smiled.

“I’m not obsessed with death.  I’m obsessed with-“

“-the philosophy of death and dying.” Hannah and Anna finished in unison.  Tessa laughed and set her book aside.

“Well I was going to give you two a present but I’m not so sure anymore,” Tessa said slyly.  Anna and Hannah turned to her with near identical puppy dog looks.  “Oh, okay, stop looking at me like that.  Let me grab them.”

Anna and Hannah sat on the edge of the bed waiting expectantly as Tessa pulled a bag from the closet.

“Hannah, I want you to know you totally don’t have to wear these if you don’t want to.  I got you two things, just in case.”  She pulled out a winter scarf/hat set, and a t-shirt.  The hat and scarf were soft knitted wool, in the grey white and purple stripes of the asexual flag.  She held up the t-shirt so Hannah could see the words “I’m asexual and proud,” on it, also in the colors of the ace flag.

Hannah smiled at her, and immediately pulled on the wool beanie.  She looked so cute Tessa couldn’t stop herself from leaning over and kissing the tip of her nose.  Anna leaned into Hannah’s side tilting her face up toward Tessa expectantly, and received a kiss to her nose as well.  Hannah smiled at their antics.

“And Anna, for you and I, I got these.”  Tessa revealed two identical t-shirts with ‘We <3 Our Asexual Girlfriend’ on them.  Anna laughed gleefully, and snatched one from Tessa before pausing and fixing her with a look of suspicion.  Tessa looked confused.

“You totally knew about asexual awareness week!”  Anna accused.

Tessa shrugged apologetically, “I thought I would surprise both of you.  I didn’t know the GSA was running events for it and advertising around campus.  Totally ruined my surprise.”  She pouted at Anna, who kissed it away.  

“I’m sorry we totally ruined your surprise.  Thank you, babe, these are amazing.  I’m going to wear this shirt every day this week.”

“That’s so gross,” Hannah said, wrinkling her nose.

***

An owl called ominously in the dark; Dena shivered.  “If you’re sure, we’ll break camp.  We’ve had a quiet few days since you left, everyone’s rested and fed and as healed as ever.”  Cas said nothing more, and presuming herself relieved of the watch, she busied herself by making more brew and packing all the provisions but a few biscuits for the others to eat on the march.  She pulled down a few garments cast on branches to dry and folded them into her own pack.  She debated dousing the fire and decided against it: Tracy would get a bit jumpy if she awoke in the dark.  No wonder, really, after what she’d been through.  Kidnapped by knockers, dragged into the mines, left down there to-.  Dena shuddered.  No, the fire stays lit.  Better to leave a false beacon anyway.  Maybe.

Maybe all of this was an abundance of caution.  After all, Cas was back.  Cas would protect them.

***

Some grumbling about stealing off in the middle of the night gave way to muffled cheers that Cas had returned.  Jo in particular leapt up and squeezed them tightly, arms trapped at their side, until Cas looked helplessly to Dena to beg assistance.  Dena chuckled, gently swatting Jo’s shoulder with a “Down, girl!  Get your own!”  Jo backed off with a mischievous look and bounced away to ready her pack.  Alex shook their hand solemnly, as did Linda and Jody, welcoming Cas back with a very few words.  Charlie, barely pausing amongst the bustle of preparations, merely smiled at the way Dena’s face had softened since Cas’ return.  Even Cas could see it.  There was a joke around the camp about Cas and their inability to recognize fae emotion, but they were not so oblivious.  They could always read the Queen’s love for her friends, and the difference Cas’ presence made in Dena’s entire demeanor was palpable.  Body and soul, Dena glowed.

Dena sent the girls away a few at a time.  Jody and Donna packed quickly and moved east first, followed by the Wayward Sisters a few moments later.  The Chamber’s Daughters pursued a more northerly path, while Kevan and her mother headed south.  A few of the doughtiest fighters picked their way through the woods running alongside the western foothills, with stern instruction not to cross the old riverbed that marked the beginning of the ancient border with the Summerlands, while a steady trickle travelled as stealthily as possible through the eastern trees.

A few coded words of encouragement from the Fearless Leader ensured that they would all meet again in a few days’ time at the appointed place, though Charlie worried.  “Dena, is it wise to split the party?  If what Cas fears is true, would it not be better to keep close and troop north as one?”

She lifted one finger, dug in her pack for a moment, and pulled out an innocuous looking purse.  She pulled the drawstrings and expanded the purse out into a complicated series of folded maps.  “We’re here,” pointing to a red patch.  “From what Cas told me while the girls were packing, they’re pretty sure that something, probably unseelie, caught up with them here,” indicating a paisley swirl corresponding with the mountains to the southwest.  “They investigated rather than continue on and lead an unfriendly into camp, but look here.” She re-folded the map to show a more detailed view of the mountains.  “Just here, they found a settlement.  Long extinct, of course, but there were humans there once.  And where we find humans-“

“We find evil.  Right.”  The Queen sighed.  “You’re right, of course.  I just worry.”

“So do I, kiddo.  But the girls know what they’re doing.”

“They were trained by the best,” Charlie beamed.

Dena let the compliment slide with a doubtful smirk.  “We’ll all meet at the Nordling publick house, safe and sound.”

“Possibly,” grumbled Cas, crouched at the fireside and staring moodily into the flames.  If Dena and Charlie heard, they made no remark.

***

As soon as Kevan and her mother were clear of the camp, Linda looked back.  “Finally.”  She grabbed her child by the arm and led her into the deep woods.  “The Queen and her party will undoubtedly come this way to further obscure their intention of going north.  We have to get off the main path.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going to see the witch’s daughter.”

“Mom, no.  The witch’s daughter?  We can’t!  She’ll eat us alive.”

“The two of us are more clever than any witch.  A mere human?”

Kevan stopped and shook herself out of her mother’s grip.  “No, I won’t go.  And you shouldn’t either.  You know what they say about her!”

Linda frowned.  “That’s he-fae talk.  Even if she is a fallen angel, I think I can handle her.  Castiel is an angel and I watched you best them in sparring just a fortnight ago.”

“Cas is differen-“

“She can get us into the Summerlands.”

Kevan felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her.  She struggled for words.

Her mother looked triumphant.  “See?  I know you will acquiesce to this side trip now.”

She looked up, eyes wide and incredulous.  “What makes you think I would set foot in the Summerlands? SHE left us.”

Ignoring, or perhaps not seeing her daughter’s distress, Linda continued.  “Crowley has connections there.  Maybe she is an angel.  Was.  Whatever the case, we can make her give us safe passage to the prince.”

Kevan straightened and advanced on the older woman.  “One, she’ll want payment.  The witch’s daughter does not grant favors.”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it,” she smirked.

Her daughter rolled her eyes at that.  “Two, the prince doesn’t need rescuing.  She made that abundantly clear.”

“She was under compulsion.”

“Even were that true, Mother, her own SISTER has given her up!  When is the last time you heard Dena clamoring for a rescue party?”

Linda fell silent.

“If Dena is satisfied with the situation, then so am I.  Sam doesn’t need us, and I don’t need her either.”

The air crackled with the hostility between them, but Linda simply couldn’t take no for an answer when a yes was necessary for her child’s wellbeing.  She often claimed that Kevan was the only reason that she remained on campaign when she could have left the camp ages ago, but the truth was, she was too stubborn to give up command; controlling Kevan’s life was just a perquisite of the position.

“Dena has given up.”

“They nearly broke her.  She won’t even talk about it.  I doubt the Queen knows what really happened in the mines.”

Linda softened.  “Do you think Crowley will sell you to the miners?  Is that why you resist my idea?”

“No.  I just think it’s a bad idea, is all.  Dena and the Queen know what they’re doing.”

“Say they do.  Say they troop the whole camp up to the prince’s palace.  Say they all get slaughtered with nothing to show for it.”

“I’ll be there with them, just in case, she-“  Kevan shut her mouth, but too late.

“You still love Sam,” Mom asked gently.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she whispered, “Of course I do.”

She felt her mother’s arms envelop her.  “My child.  We’ll get her back.  Humor me, please?  Let’s talk to the witch’s daughter, just to see if she can help.  The Queen need never know.”  She stepped back, tipped Kevan’s chin upwards.  “For Sam?”

Kevan nodded bleakly. “For Sam.”

***

They picked their way through the southern woods.  Though the sun had begun to rise, the path before them grew ever darker.

The path, if such it could be called, ended at a series of rocky mounts, overgrown with coarse briars.  Thorns ripped at their robes; the thin gauze of their capes hung in tatters.  Here there was sun, but a fierce one that beat down upon them and reddened their exposed necks and faces.

"You're sure this is the right way, Mom?" Kevan called as she struggled to the top of her fifth giant boulder.  Her fingernails bled from scrabbling for purchase in bare rock.  Her shoes, thick leather boots that should have lasted many more campaigns, showed signs of wear at the tips of her toes.  

Her mother looked no less weary and worn, but she refused to be defeated.  She stood atop her rock and calculated the best route.  "Your eyes are better than mine.  Look to the horizon, south-southwest.  Do you see a curl of smoke?"

Kevan shaded her eyes and followed her mother's gaze.  She groaned.  "Yes.  I do.  She can't be that far away, can she?"

Kevin was clearly not expecting that question, and he sighs and rubs a hand over his jaw.  Silence stretches between them, and Kevin boldly reaches out to grasp Cas’ hand.  Castiel looks at him but doesn’t pull away.  Instead he turns his hand to bring them palm-to-palm and entwines their fingers together.

“I thought it was what I was supposed to want,” Kevin admits, quietly, eyes riveted to their joined hands.  “But what I actually want is just.. intimacy.  I mean, I don’t want sex, I just want to be held.”

Kevin sees Cas nodding out of his peripheral vision, like Cas actually knows what he’s talking about, and Kevin closes his eyes and tips his head back again.  “I don’t think I’m even making sense.”  

Cas makes a sound of dissent. “Skin hunger,” he says thoughtfully.  “You’re touch starved.”

“I’m what?”

“Humans.  They have a need, fundamentally, for physical affection.  Especially, but not necessarily, skin to skin contact,” Cas pauses, deliberately.  “How often are you touched, Kevin?”  

Kevin thought about laughing, but he glanced down to their joined hands and thought about how good it felt to have someone’s hand in his.  Nothing sexual, just that closeness that he hadn’t even realized just how much he had been craving.  When had he last been touched?  Even just casually?  

“I think Dean gave me a hug like, a year ago,”  he replies.  No small amount of bitterness entering his tone at the realization of just how alone he had been for so long.

Cas squeezes his hand briefly before turning toward him on the couch.  “Do you trust me?”

“As much as I trust anyone these days.”

“Will you lie here with me?”  

Well.  Kevin hadn’t been expecting that turn.  

“Um,” he hesitates.  “Sure?”  

“If you don’t feel comfortable, Kevin, that is okay.  But I believe this will help both of us.  I don’t intend anything sexual.”

Kevin nods with a little more surety at that, and Castiel turns on the couch laying on his side, nestled against the back of the sofa, and gestures for Kevin to lay next to him next to the edge.  Kevin debates laying facing Cas, but decides he’d rather not have to look at him.  He couldn’t face the evidence of just how weak he felt.  

As soon as he lays down, Cas’s arms wrap around him, holding him close but not too tight.  One beneath his arm, the other over his hip; coming to rest over his chest and stomach respectively.  Slowly, tension leaks from Kevin’s frame, and he feels Cas’s arms loosen in relaxation.  

Cas breaks the silence around them.  “I’ve been human less than two months, and I crave human touch daily.  I had sex with a woman, who turned out to be a reaper, because I thought it would cure my need for affection.  But I find that I also do not desire sex.  Yet I could not go even another two weeks without this.  You are so strong, Kevin, but you don’t deserve to be alone.”

Kevin feels his eyes fill with tears.  He tries to stop them, but just as suddenly a sob wracks his body.  And then another, until he finds himself shaking and crying uncontrollably in the safety of Castiel’s arms.  He buries his face in the cushion of the couch; can feel his tears wetting the cloth beneath him.

Slowly, he feels the tears slow, the sobs come less harshly, and Kevin settles enough to register Castiel rubbing circles on his back, forehead resting against Kevin’s hair, making soothing noises.  Kevin falls asleep cradled there.  

He wakes to whispered conversation, can hear Dean’s voice from the doorway, and feel more than hear Cas’s sleep-deep rumbling reply.  Cas’s hand comes up to shoo Dean out the door, and Kevin smiles when his arm comes back around to hold Kevin again, Cas’s large hand settling gently over his heart.

“Have you lost feeling to your left hand yet?” Kevin asks when he realizes he’s still laying atop one of Cas’s arms.  

“I believe it has ‘gone to sleep’, yes.  But it doesn’t bother me.”

“Man, that is gonna tingle so badly when we get up.”  

Cas makes a low noise of assent.  “Yes, that is likely.”

Kevin huffs out a small laugh.  “Do you want me to move?”

“Not particularly.  But if you’re hungry, I believe Dean is making waffles.”  

So that’s what Dean had been whispering to Cas about.  Kevin can feel his face flushing at what kind of picture they must have made for Dean to stumble upon, sleeping overnight on the couch in the library together.  But he feels relieved that Dean must not have been too scandalized, having retreated back to the kitchen with a wave of Cas’s hand.

Kevin makes a noncommittal noise, and doesn’t move.

It must be afternoon by the time they finally untangle themselves and sit up on the couch.  Kevin immediately feels the need to hold onto Castiel and never let go again, and he barely catches himself from reaching out to grab onto Cas’s hand, or sleeve, or just any part of him.  Something to remind him that he’s not alone, that he doesn’t have to be alone.  Maybe he’s earned that right.  To be selfish for once.  Before he can reach out though, Cas is already closing the distance to grasp his hand firmly, before tugging him up off the couch.  

“You need to eat,” Cas explains.  He folds Kevin into one last hug, never letting go of Kevin’s hand.  Kevin whines into Cas’s shoulder, and Cas chuckles.  “I’m here for you, Kevin.  Anything you need, just ask.”