I feel like I get frustrated if I can't fast-track relationships sometimes. And that's on me. I don't really think it's normal to enter a cheat code and be besties immediately. It can't be normal. There's no way.
Why do I get so enthusiastic about befriending new people?
It's kind of hard to put into words, but I think it has to do with my PTSD 6th sense. Think I'm crazy yet? Hold up, lemme explain what I mean by "PTSD 6th sense".
So, you know how people have unconscious tells? And if you can read them, people normally ascribe that to being an "empath"? Well, I think I figured out that having to survive a mom that was an easily-triggered psychopath made me into a person whose amygdala became overclocked, and so I got really good at figuring out people's tells.
I'm scary good at taking a small bit of input and extrapolating a lot of data from it.
But on the other hand, I can also be really good at overthinking and erroneously attributing things to people that they didn't feel or do because I'm jumping to conclusions. To prevent this from happening and looking like a messy bitch, I normally ask the individual if what I picked up on resonates. It's like a failsafe before recording the information as fact in my brain. Maybe I should start cataloging the answers to figure out the percentage of time I'm correct, but so far I get a lot of "How did you know that?" which makes me feel like I'm a g_ddamn Professor X level super mutant. lol
So, in essence, I feel justified in fast-tracking relationships because I feel like I can understand people fairly quickly and determine if they're going to be part of my tribe or not.
Is this a good thing, a bad thing, or is it JUST a thing?
I don't know. Maybe that'll take some more overthinking about myself while my partner waits patiently in a corner for me to figure myself out. He's the most selfless bullshit-indulging shelf-sitter.
He says over and over again that I'm not so bad but I know that he deserves better. He deserves a wife that wakes up at 4am and makes little Japanese bento box lunches for him.
