Before You Go
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The front door doesn’t even get a chance to close before Raphael hears his boyfriends in the throes of passion.
He has one foot through the door when his ears clock Simon’s long, drawn out moan and he can faintly detect Jace’s low grunts under that. He spares a moment to think that’s it’s only the middle of the day.
They’re like animals, he swears dryly.
Deciding not to interrupt them immediately, Raphael shakes his head a little as he carries the reusable grocery bags to the kitchen counter. He knows it probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else, but he’s just fond and a little amused at his boyfriends' antics. He might not understand them but just the knowledge that Jace and Simon are having fun together makes him happy, fills him with warm contentment.
He takes his time putting the groceries away. It’s a bright summer afternoon and he can hear the birds chirping, the faint hum of traffic trailing up to where their seventh floor balcony doors are open. It’s a pretty day and only the first in a long weekend he gets to spend with his partners.
And while he’ll deny it to everyone except Simon and Jace, he has a bit of a sentimental streak and it doesn’t take much for Raphael to get lost thinking about how far the three of them have come.
There was a time, at the beginning, when just the thought of hearing his boyfriends having sex would have sent him into a mild panic. He wouldn’t have been able to stand the idea of being in the same apartment as the two of them.
Expectation has always been a four letter word for Raphael. He would have been a little queasy-- so unimaginably uneasy-- at the thought that Simon and Jace expected him to join them. Even if it wasn’t right then and there, then eventually. He could only sit on the sidelines so long before they’d start to, well, pressure him into participating.
Raphael knows now-- and really, he knew then too-- that his boyfriends wouldn’t have explicitly pressured him. But he knows himself and is well aware that just being in their vicinity when they were naked and aroused would have made him feel like he was letting them down every time he rejected their offer with an apologetic smile and a shake of his head.
Forgetting the air of anticipation that would make his skin crawl, it took ages for Raphael to be comfortable enough just seeing his boyfriends without clothes. Nothing to do with them, all of it something that Raphael had to work through. Sometimes he forgets all the little ways being ace used to manifest.
Kissing was fine and the longer he knew Jace and Simon, the deeper he fell, the more kisses were not only welcome but needed for his health and happiness. However, it’s a fact that his boyfriends have absolutely no problem showing off their toned bodies and that took a little more time for adjustment.
It’s not that Raphael didn’t think they were pretty-- beautiful and nice to look at and downright hot. But it still made him uncomfortable, a little on edge, to see either of his partners stroll through their apartments naked. It felt like ages before Raphael stopped averting his eyes whenever he realized they were bare. Took even longer for him to look and be able to look his fill-- until now, when he just rolls his eyes and tell Jace to put a shirt on before he burns himself cooking breakfast, absently asking Simon in a fake aggrieved tone where the hell his pants are when his boyfriend falls on him to cuddle on the couch.
This-- them-- was an adjustment for all three. But it’s been months since the first time Raphael accidentally walked in on Jace while he was stepping out of the shower, since he almost broke his neck looking away and profusely apologizing even if his boyfriend had been totally nonchalant.
It feels like forever since the last time Raphael felt nervous and a little nauseous at hearing one boyfriend rail another, from the sounds of it.
It’s a different story altogether, remembering falling for Jace as Jace fell for them and realizing that love doesn’t have to be uniform to be life-changing.
As he organizes the dozen granola bars he bought into some semblance of order, Raphael isn’t aware that he’s smiling or that he’s still humming a song from the Top 40 station he pretends he doesn’t listen to while driving.
Once that’s done and the bags are stored for later use, Raphael sighs to himself, though there’s still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he supposes it’s time to greet his boyfriends. Things are a little quieter now as he rounds the corner and sees the shameless two have left the bedroom door wide open.
He pauses at the threshold to their bedroom and just lets himself enjoy the sight of-- yes, two attractive men in bed together-- but more than that, the two loves of his life enjoying each other.
Leaning against the door, Raphael sees Simon’s sweat-damp hair, admires the stark tattoos that trail over Jace’s side. His boyfriends seemed to have slowed down a little, kissing each other gently.
The two look lost in their own world, which is why Raphael startles when the two break apart and Jace calls out, “Did you get my protein powder?”
Simon, for his part, just grins over at him. “We heard you put the chips away.”
Laughing a little, more exhalation than noise, Raphael pushes away from the door and strolls over to the two on the bed. He runs a hand through Jace’s hair, sweeps that same hand down Simon’s back.
His heart warms as one boyfriend shivers under his touch and the other leans further into his palm.
“Yes, I got your protein powder-- and your dino chicken nuggets,” he adds when he sees Simon’s mouth open.
There’s a moment of quiet where the three just enjoy each other’s company. And yeah, there was a time when being so close like this would have made Raphael’s skin crawl. He would have felt beholden and too big for his body and his thoughts would have been a storm of fearful uncertainty.
But now he knows. They all know how they fit best. Simon and Jace have never done anything themselves to make Raphael feel like he needs to have sex with them. Through exhaustive talks that have left all three of them wrung out, they’ve grown together into a solid unit.
So Jace and Simon know that while Raphael thinks they’re beautiful, he doesn’t want to participate. Now, it doesn’t bother him to see them like this, clearly into each other and feeling good. Still, they make him feel included in the way they always invite him to watch whenever he’d like, the way they can share a moment like this in the middle of everything.
Raphael smiles at the two of them and takes a step back, towards the living room. Today isn’t a day he wants to watch-- he starts a new drama last weekend and the next episode is calling his name and, really, sounds much more interesting than whatever fun his boyfriends are having.
He’s just set to turn around with a smartass wave, when Simon let’s out an indignant, “Hey.”
Deciding not to reply verbally, Raphael just lifts a brow in question.
It’s Jace who pouts dramatically. “Where’s our kiss?”
That has Raphael grinning before he’s even thinking about it. “What was I thinking,” he mumbles under his breath and his boyfriends’ faces light up as he leans down and gives each of them a soft kiss. Not quite a peck, but nothing too intense.
Enough to say I’m here and I’m happy and I’m glad that you’re here and happy.
When he pulls back, he smiles at them both. “I love you.”
The words fall softly over the room and it delights Raphael to know end to see the way Jace’s face grows just a bit more flushed at the words, even after all this time.
“Love you too, babe,” Jace whispers with a soft smile and that’s enough on this sentimental day to have Raphael’s own ears burning. Those words might mean something different to each of them but they’re no less significant.
“Yes, snookums, love you too,” Simon croons and reaches up to pinch Raphael’s warm cheek.
Raphael scowls as he straightens up. “Yeah, yeah. Enjoy yourselves. Try not to chip the wall paint again. You know they discontinued avocado whip and we only have one can left.”
“Aye, aye captain,” Simon replies with a salute and Raphael doesn’t bother biting back his laughter as he shakes his head, leaving the room and making sure to close the door behind them.
As he grabs the bag of chips he’d just put up-- sour cream and onion-- and settles onto the couch, Raphael feels easy contentment slide down his spine and over his shoulders.
The three of them might be different but they’ve put in the work to build this life together. Before them, it hadn’t seemed possible but he’s found someone-- two someones-- who love him unconditionally.
It makes him proud to be able to say the same about both of them. He loves Simon and Jace with every part of himself and growing together, healing together, has been a dream come true.
So, he’ll stay out here for an episode or two of Mr. Queen while all manner of debauchery takes place in their bedroom. And a while later, when his boyfriends come out fresh from the shower they must have shared, he’ll cuddle them both as they catch up on a different show that they’re all watching together.
And Simon will kiss them both goodnight with shameless enthusiasm and Jace will softly but firmly let both of them know that he loves them both and Raphael will hold them tight and wish them sweet dreams.
