#accidentalcheermom

1. They’re extroverted.

Or introverted.  My daughter LOVES being social and cheer is perfect for that side of her. But there are others at her gym who aren’t as social and cheer works just as well for them. What’s awesome about cheer is that while you’re part of a larger group there are things that you can focus on as an individual.   

2. She’s a girl.

Or he’s a boy. So I have to admit that I knew nothing about the world of competitive cheer before my daughter joined the sport. There was one thing I thought I knew, and that was it’s a sport for girls. The good thing is that I quickly learned otherwise. Not just is cheer a great sport for boys, it’s a great sport for all kinds of boys. I know of three boys who gave up football for cheerleading- how cool is that?

3. They have a typical “cheer body”.

Or they don’t. My daughter and I attended our first cheer competition (as a spectator) before she joined the team, I had an image in my head (based on the stereotype of what cheerleaders look like)- thin and toned- without exception. I was surprised and pleased to see all body types represented on the various teams. It’s great that people recognize that there isn’t just one kind of athletic body. While it’s important for every child to be healthy, it’s the skill and effort that make the difference (not all that superficial crap).

4. They’ve always been a dedicated athlete.

Or they haven’t. I wasn’t really into one particular sport when I was a kid. I took ballet for several years but as grew older I would more likely be found in a library than in a gym. My husband, on the other hand, played high school and college football and was very eager for our daughter to find her “thing” in sports. We tried a bunch of things: Ballet- nope. Tap- nope. Gymnastics- nope. Soccer- nope. Lacrosse- nope. We pressured her to finish the season or session that she signed up for but never pushed her in any particular direction.  Then she found cheer (or cheer found her) and she’s enjoying the love connection. The point is that’s fine (maybe even preferable) if your kid has “just” been having fun with sports like mine was- or hasn’t been involved in any organized sports so far.  

5. They’re born performers.

Or they’re not. While my daughter loves being social, she doesn’t crave the spotlight and the performance side of cheer is a aspect that she struggles with. One of her coaches says that my daughter performs from the neck up. She will learn any dance, stunt or tumbling pass but there isn’t a class for learning facials (she’d be the first to sign up if there were). So she practices at home. When she gets frustrated I remind her that anything can be learned.

So I think you get my point. Even though cheer isn’t for every kid, what I love about it is that it isn’t just for one kind of kid. How many other sports can you say that about? A person can be too tall to be a ballerina, too short for basketball and most football leagues won’t admit girls.

By Sara AG 

(Written for the Cheer-POV series for Confessions of an Accidental Cheer Mom)

I saw a post from the great Top Gun Allstars and felt its relevance last night. 

The post was basically a letter to their teams congratulating them on a great season, wishing their athletes good luck, and reminding them to not lose focus on the journey that brought them to this end point in the season. 

It occurred to me that over the next few days, many of us parents will sit with our kids and try to help them make sense of the results of this past weekend. And there will be many more parents who are sitting down for these conversations than those who aren't. 

After all, only one team in each division takes the gold. And, especially as it pertains to big National events, winning comes in many different shapes and sizes. 

Try to help these kids remember that they nailed their routines and did absolutely everything that their coaches asked of them. 

Help them to be proud of all the work they put in when their routine was reblocked last minute, when they learned a brand new pyramid in a handful of practices, when they spent hours in the gym brushing up a specialty pass. 

Help them remember that even though they lost a shoe or bow during competition they didn't miss a beat. 

Help them find a way to be amazed at themselves because they are kids, KIDS, who go out on a stage in front of a crowd, under bright lights, with music blaring and then kick it up a notch by giving facials. 

Because, you know what? Sometimes winning is simply taking the mat at a National event. 

Sometimes winning is when a team finally gets their timing right during jumps. 

Sometimes winning is a team placing in the top 10. Winning in Allstar cheerleading is very often more than just a jacket and a trophy. 

So help these athletes know that, yes, they did do an amazing job even if they got 2nd or 7th or 20th place. That sometimes they couldn't have done anything differently or better. 

That sometimes their best gets beat, but that their best still completely slayed the day. 

Another year down and more competitions ahead.

As much as we love cheer, having a child who participates in this amazing sport can lead to a ton of stress. So in honor of the new year, here are three resolutions for us cheer parents.

Feel free to add your own.

1. Clean up last year’s glitter.

And by glitter I mean crappy cheer feelings -which can be a lot like glitter. You bust your butt to get rid of it (cursing yourself for spilling it in the first place) but even then it never really goes away. Sometimes you find it when (and where) you least expect- like in dark corners and under cushions.

-You wanted your athlete to be a flier this season but she’s a base. -You wanted your child to be on level 4 but he was placed on level 3. -A certain kid “took” your kid’s spot in the dance portion of the routine.

Our kids hear everything and pick up on all our negative vibes. Suck it up, shake it off and move on. You’ll feel way better about the rest of the season (and then you can help your kid move on also).

2. Let the coaches coach.

Viewing the practice through the lobby window, it’s easy to think you know it all.

-“The coaches need to switch the stunt groups.” -“Those tumbling passes need to be shorter.” -“The routine is too complicated.”

Even if you have been a cheer coach (and let's be honest- 99% of us haven't), if you’re not YOUR child’s cheer coach, it’s not your job to suggest cheer routine changes. The goal of all coaches is to win and all decisions (big and small) are made to that end. 

Of course it’s fine to have questions (most parents do). We want our kids to be safe and happy. We just need to be careful about drawing the line and not morphing into Coach Wannabe.

3. Pass the baton.

Help your athlete advocate for themselves. Most kids will have questions about something at some point but not all kids will speak up for themselves. I’m working with my daughter on this now and It’s an ongoing process for sure. It’s sometimes easier to try to step in and try to solve the problem myself.

Instead of saying what I usually say: “Oh, you have a question about the new stunt? I’ll just text your coach.”

Instead I’ll say: “That’s a good question but I don’t know the answer. We’ll get to the gym a few minutes early tomorrow so you can ask your coach.”

Helping her advocate for herself will benefit her in and out of the gym. It’s a win-win.

Maybe this entire list won’t click with you-so take it as a challenge to think of what will make the rest of the season better for you and your athlete.

Make your own cheer resolution and enjoy the rest of the season!

I was miles away from home and thinking about something random.

I needed to go to Wegmans to get more cheese (who thinks about cheese at 6:15 in the morning?!?).

Anyway, that’s when I realized that I’d forgotten it. Being such a careful planner, I’d left home confident and happy that I had everything I needed. Too confident, apparently, because I’d forgotten the teasing comb.

My daughter and I woke up early and started our day before the crack of dawn.

Uniform: check. Makeup: check. Bobby pins: check. Millions of other cheer related things: check.

As I drove, I knew that it sat on the table in the bedroom- next to last year’s glitter (why haven’t I thrown that away yet?) and the (judgement-free) emergency pixie sticks. 

It was laughing at me me.

Damned teasing comb. There was no time to go back for it and the stores weren’t open yet. Sometimes when I’m struggling to be rational I imagine an angel and devil on my shoulders (probably because I watched too much TV in the ‘80’s- but that’s another story).

The devil, I call him Bob, was telling me to turn around and get the comb. “No one will mind if you’re late”, he told me, “Besides, your daughter will be so upset if you don’t- and do you really want to upset her on competition day. Do you??? A good mom would go back for it.” Then he snickered.

Gladys, the angel, tried desperately to reason with me. “The one thing that would freak your daughter out more than having a flat ponytail is the thought of being late. Are you really going to backtrack for MILES when the rest of her hair is perfect? Take a breath,” Gladys demanded, “and focus on the moment. Everything else will work itself out.”

Thanks Gladys, you’re the best.

So my cheerleader was stuck. The only one of 19 to have a flat (completely unteased) ponytail. She worried, as she usually does, when she isn’t 100% prepared. Each doomsday scenario she presented was met with my assurance that things would be fine.

“What if the coaches yell at me? “What if people laugh at my hair?” “What if I’m not allowed to compete?” “What if my life gets ruined?!?”

“It will ALL be okay.” I tried my best to soothe her, knowing that it wasn’t really about the flat ponytail but about the stunt that her group has, for weeks, tirelessly struggled to perfect.

“Your flat ponytail won’t give you bad luck” I said- trying to find words that she could connect with, “and limp hair isn’t a sign that your stunt will fall.”

As I mentioned my forgotten comb to a fellow cheer mom, another overheard and offered her own daughter’s teasing comb. Then came that awkward moment when I had to say “Thank you, but no thank you.”

Because, lice.

Knowing the comfort that my daughter would feel when her hair was teased and she looked just like her teammates, Bob whispered, “What’s the big deal? Just use the comb. Everything will be fine. You worry too much. What are the chances that this wonderful child actually has lice?” And then Bob rolled his eyes at me. He’s such an ass sometimes.

Gladys said nothing but gave me ‘The Mom Look’ that said: ‘Are you freaking crazy?!? Must I remind you of the first grade lice incident? Do you remember how many HOURS you spent combing and cutting your daughter’s long curly hair? Do you remember the bags of stuffed animals and pillows and cushions? Have you forgotten how absolutely INSANE you became for two weeks straight -washing and drying and boiling and freezing and microwaving just about everything in your house? And don’t get me started on the itching. That was seriously the worst.’

In a flash, it all came back to me.

‘You’re right, Gladys’, I said (but only to myself because I didn’t need everyone to know that I had an insane internal dialogue happening).

Comb or no comb, the stunt hit, her team won first place and I can (kind of) suppress the image of lice eggs hatching in her hair.

At bedtime my cheerleader admitted, “I was worried about my hair today, but really I just wanted our stunt to hit. I was tired of us failing at that all the time.”

I reminded her that it was good to want to be completely prepared but we all can work on adapting when things veer off center (because things always will). A good lesson for the both of us.