Confessions of an Accidental Cheer Mom

1. They’re extroverted.

Or introverted.  My daughter LOVES being social and cheer is perfect for that side of her. But there are others at her gym who aren’t as social and cheer works just as well for them. What’s awesome about cheer is that while you’re part of a larger group there are things that you can focus on as an individual.   

2. She’s a girl.

Or he’s a boy. So I have to admit that I knew nothing about the world of competitive cheer before my daughter joined the sport. There was one thing I thought I knew, and that was it’s a sport for girls. The good thing is that I quickly learned otherwise. Not just is cheer a great sport for boys, it’s a great sport for all kinds of boys. I know of three boys who gave up football for cheerleading- how cool is that?

3. They have a typical “cheer body”.

Or they don’t. My daughter and I attended our first cheer competition (as a spectator) before she joined the team, I had an image in my head (based on the stereotype of what cheerleaders look like)- thin and toned- without exception. I was surprised and pleased to see all body types represented on the various teams. It’s great that people recognize that there isn’t just one kind of athletic body. While it’s important for every child to be healthy, it’s the skill and effort that make the difference (not all that superficial crap).

4. They’ve always been a dedicated athlete.

Or they haven’t. I wasn’t really into one particular sport when I was a kid. I took ballet for several years but as grew older I would more likely be found in a library than in a gym. My husband, on the other hand, played high school and college football and was very eager for our daughter to find her “thing” in sports. We tried a bunch of things: Ballet- nope. Tap- nope. Gymnastics- nope. Soccer- nope. Lacrosse- nope. We pressured her to finish the season or session that she signed up for but never pushed her in any particular direction.  Then she found cheer (or cheer found her) and she’s enjoying the love connection. The point is that’s fine (maybe even preferable) if your kid has “just” been having fun with sports like mine was- or hasn’t been involved in any organized sports so far.  

5. They’re born performers.

Or they’re not. While my daughter loves being social, she doesn’t crave the spotlight and the performance side of cheer is a aspect that she struggles with. One of her coaches says that my daughter performs from the neck up. She will learn any dance, stunt or tumbling pass but there isn’t a class for learning facials (she’d be the first to sign up if there were). So she practices at home. When she gets frustrated I remind her that anything can be learned.

So I think you get my point. Even though cheer isn’t for every kid, what I love about it is that it isn’t just for one kind of kid. How many other sports can you say that about? A person can be too tall to be a ballerina, too short for basketball and most football leagues won’t admit girls.

Children have a way of bringing out even the smallest of joy hidden deep under work stress, bills, deadlines, and to-do lists. I usually start out with a very hectic day but when I get to 5:15pm on Wednesdays, I know exactly what will make me feel better. 

 I am blessed with the job of teaching 7 girls how to:

 Follow directions

Collaborate with others

Push themselves to meet goals 

Cheer! 

Coaching Tiny Team at Dynamite AllStars in Gaithersburg has been quite the experience. What started out as an amazing opportunity that turned into an exhausting mistake has led me to now avoiding tears like a weirdo now that the season is over. ​

How did I get myself here, exactly? Well, my then 8 year old daughter, Elise, was quite the girlie-girl. Hated dirt, thought working was overrated and would bathe in all things pink if possible. Of course, she flipped at the idea of cheerleading (pun intended). 

The cheerleaders, the coaches, the families… well, cheer family that we have grown to be a part of at Dynamite led me to want to step up and do even more. I asked to be Assistant Coach of a junior level team halfway through the competition season and although it was incredibly exhilarating, by the end of the season I had decided that my daughters wouldn’t cheer anymore. 

The cost, the schedule, the loads of dirty laundry were calling my name and I had to go back to having a normal schedule. I was eager to finish the year, prepare for summer and an easy breezy school year ahead. 

As staffing arrangements changed, we realized that Dynamite’s youngest and cutest exhibition team, D-Spark, needed a coach and like a sensitive Sally, I volunteered. 

​As a high school cheer captain, I thought I knew exactly what it took to be a head coach. 

As a paraeducator at an elementary school, I thought I knew exactly what it took to manage a handful of small children! 

 Both of those tasks combined wore me out! 

Once a week for an hour and forty-five minutes, D-Spark kicked my butt. They are such busy-bees that our practice consists of 5-10 minutes of just talking to me- just talking!  

D-Spark only had four competitions this year, that’s not bad! I wouldn’t have to give up my entire life, just a couple of weekends. Little did I know that it would be so draining. Our routine is timed at about 1:05, as opposed to the 2:30 for other teams, not only because they’re an exhibition team but because getting to that 1:05 is difficult enough! 

At our first competition, you could hear the awes and ohs in the crowd over the music blasting. Behind all that cuteness, for that minute routine, these girls turn everything off and just focus on me. Sure, they’re distracted by the crowd and smiling and blowing kisses to mom and dad but when I’m doing their routine crouched down on the floor, they follow my every move. 

I’m sure I could hit a high-V and pick my nose and they would probably just follow along. I must admit, however, that they don’t need me. You can hear me yell, “You got it!” about 4 times in each practice because they truly do. Tired Coach AJ or not, they have worked so hard this season and will be such awesome cheerleaders as they grow up. 

There were times I felt like a coach and there were times I felt like a volunteer babysitter but what has started out as a hobby has turned into a necessity. I need to see their smiles, I need to hear them giggle, even when I want to pull my hair out.

Boy, have I proved them wrong! When I raised my voice just a little and paused practice I’ve gotten the saddest looks ever but those big eyes cannot deter a coach from keeping them safe. 

I’ve found myself focusing so much on D-Spark that I really have to flip a switch in my head to get to mom-mode when my daughters are performing. 

Shhh- don’t tell my daughters that! 

Knowing that in a short amount of time that D-Spark will be 9, 10, and 11 years old thinking of the first time they became cheerleaders. Having a spot in that memory means the world to me. I guess I wasn’t that exhausted. I would do it all over again, if I could. 

Maybe with just a few earplugs.

By Sara AG 

(Written for the Cheer-POV series for Confessions of an Accidental Cheer Mom)

I saw a post from the great Top Gun Allstars and felt its relevance last night. 

The post was basically a letter to their teams congratulating them on a great season, wishing their athletes good luck, and reminding them to not lose focus on the journey that brought them to this end point in the season. 

It occurred to me that over the next few days, many of us parents will sit with our kids and try to help them make sense of the results of this past weekend. And there will be many more parents who are sitting down for these conversations than those who aren't. 

After all, only one team in each division takes the gold. And, especially as it pertains to big National events, winning comes in many different shapes and sizes. 

Try to help these kids remember that they nailed their routines and did absolutely everything that their coaches asked of them. 

Help them to be proud of all the work they put in when their routine was reblocked last minute, when they learned a brand new pyramid in a handful of practices, when they spent hours in the gym brushing up a specialty pass. 

Help them remember that even though they lost a shoe or bow during competition they didn't miss a beat. 

Help them find a way to be amazed at themselves because they are kids, KIDS, who go out on a stage in front of a crowd, under bright lights, with music blaring and then kick it up a notch by giving facials. 

Because, you know what? Sometimes winning is simply taking the mat at a National event. 

Sometimes winning is when a team finally gets their timing right during jumps. 

Sometimes winning is a team placing in the top 10. Winning in Allstar cheerleading is very often more than just a jacket and a trophy. 

So help these athletes know that, yes, they did do an amazing job even if they got 2nd or 7th or 20th place. That sometimes they couldn't have done anything differently or better. 

That sometimes their best gets beat, but that their best still completely slayed the day. 

Big Bows Love Big Brains

I was naïve. I admit it. A couple of years ago my (then seven year old) daughter’s coach gave her homework. She needed to stretch her splits and her shoulders every night.

So I encouraged her to do what I always do when there’s a goal to be reached. Make a chart. We sat at the kitchen counter and created the grid and typed in the days of the week. When it was time to search for graphics we went to Google and typed in CHEERLEADER.

Whoa!

Do you know how in the movies when the super hero is so fast, you don’t actually see her moving, you just see where she ends up? That was me as I reached over and slammed the laptop shut when the Google results popped up.

It pisses me off. My daughter’s gym (and cheer gyms around the world) is filled with smart, strong, dedicated and athletes. Did I mention how smart they are? They love literature, math, science, art and countless other very interesting and challenging topics. At last check my daughter wanted to be a nano-engineer. I want my daughter and every other cheerleader out there to be valued for their athleticism and have fun clothing that reflects who they really are.

So this is just a little start, but it’s a start.

Another year down and more competitions ahead.

As much as we love cheer, having a child who participates in this amazing sport can lead to a ton of stress. So in honor of the new year, here are three resolutions for us cheer parents.

Feel free to add your own.

1. Clean up last year’s glitter.

And by glitter I mean crappy cheer feelings -which can be a lot like glitter. You bust your butt to get rid of it (cursing yourself for spilling it in the first place) but even then it never really goes away. Sometimes you find it when (and where) you least expect- like in dark corners and under cushions.

-You wanted your athlete to be a flier this season but she’s a base. -You wanted your child to be on level 4 but he was placed on level 3. -A certain kid “took” your kid’s spot in the dance portion of the routine.

Our kids hear everything and pick up on all our negative vibes. Suck it up, shake it off and move on. You’ll feel way better about the rest of the season (and then you can help your kid move on also).

2. Let the coaches coach.

Viewing the practice through the lobby window, it’s easy to think you know it all.

-“The coaches need to switch the stunt groups.” -“Those tumbling passes need to be shorter.” -“The routine is too complicated.”

Even if you have been a cheer coach (and let's be honest- 99% of us haven't), if you’re not YOUR child’s cheer coach, it’s not your job to suggest cheer routine changes. The goal of all coaches is to win and all decisions (big and small) are made to that end. 

Of course it’s fine to have questions (most parents do). We want our kids to be safe and happy. We just need to be careful about drawing the line and not morphing into Coach Wannabe.

3. Pass the baton.

Help your athlete advocate for themselves. Most kids will have questions about something at some point but not all kids will speak up for themselves. I’m working with my daughter on this now and It’s an ongoing process for sure. It’s sometimes easier to try to step in and try to solve the problem myself.

Instead of saying what I usually say: “Oh, you have a question about the new stunt? I’ll just text your coach.”

Instead I’ll say: “That’s a good question but I don’t know the answer. We’ll get to the gym a few minutes early tomorrow so you can ask your coach.”

Helping her advocate for herself will benefit her in and out of the gym. It’s a win-win.

Maybe this entire list won’t click with you-so take it as a challenge to think of what will make the rest of the season better for you and your athlete.

Make your own cheer resolution and enjoy the rest of the season!

I was miles away from home and thinking about something random.

I needed to go to Wegmans to get more cheese (who thinks about cheese at 6:15 in the morning?!?).

Anyway, that’s when I realized that I’d forgotten it. Being such a careful planner, I’d left home confident and happy that I had everything I needed. Too confident, apparently, because I’d forgotten the teasing comb.

My daughter and I woke up early and started our day before the crack of dawn.

Uniform: check. Makeup: check. Bobby pins: check. Millions of other cheer related things: check.

As I drove, I knew that it sat on the table in the bedroom- next to last year’s glitter (why haven’t I thrown that away yet?) and the (judgement-free) emergency pixie sticks. 

It was laughing at me me.

Damned teasing comb. There was no time to go back for it and the stores weren’t open yet. Sometimes when I’m struggling to be rational I imagine an angel and devil on my shoulders (probably because I watched too much TV in the ‘80’s- but that’s another story).

The devil, I call him Bob, was telling me to turn around and get the comb. “No one will mind if you’re late”, he told me, “Besides, your daughter will be so upset if you don’t- and do you really want to upset her on competition day. Do you??? A good mom would go back for it.” Then he snickered.

Gladys, the angel, tried desperately to reason with me. “The one thing that would freak your daughter out more than having a flat ponytail is the thought of being late. Are you really going to backtrack for MILES when the rest of her hair is perfect? Take a breath,” Gladys demanded, “and focus on the moment. Everything else will work itself out.”

Thanks Gladys, you’re the best.

So my cheerleader was stuck. The only one of 19 to have a flat (completely unteased) ponytail. She worried, as she usually does, when she isn’t 100% prepared. Each doomsday scenario she presented was met with my assurance that things would be fine.

“What if the coaches yell at me? “What if people laugh at my hair?” “What if I’m not allowed to compete?” “What if my life gets ruined?!?”

“It will ALL be okay.” I tried my best to soothe her, knowing that it wasn’t really about the flat ponytail but about the stunt that her group has, for weeks, tirelessly struggled to perfect.

“Your flat ponytail won’t give you bad luck” I said- trying to find words that she could connect with, “and limp hair isn’t a sign that your stunt will fall.”

As I mentioned my forgotten comb to a fellow cheer mom, another overheard and offered her own daughter’s teasing comb. Then came that awkward moment when I had to say “Thank you, but no thank you.”

Because, lice.

Knowing the comfort that my daughter would feel when her hair was teased and she looked just like her teammates, Bob whispered, “What’s the big deal? Just use the comb. Everything will be fine. You worry too much. What are the chances that this wonderful child actually has lice?” And then Bob rolled his eyes at me. He’s such an ass sometimes.

Gladys said nothing but gave me ‘The Mom Look’ that said: ‘Are you freaking crazy?!? Must I remind you of the first grade lice incident? Do you remember how many HOURS you spent combing and cutting your daughter’s long curly hair? Do you remember the bags of stuffed animals and pillows and cushions? Have you forgotten how absolutely INSANE you became for two weeks straight -washing and drying and boiling and freezing and microwaving just about everything in your house? And don’t get me started on the itching. That was seriously the worst.’

In a flash, it all came back to me.

‘You’re right, Gladys’, I said (but only to myself because I didn’t need everyone to know that I had an insane internal dialogue happening).

Comb or no comb, the stunt hit, her team won first place and I can (kind of) suppress the image of lice eggs hatching in her hair.

At bedtime my cheerleader admitted, “I was worried about my hair today, but really I just wanted our stunt to hit. I was tired of us failing at that all the time.”

I reminded her that it was good to want to be completely prepared but we all can work on adapting when things veer off center (because things always will). A good lesson for the both of us.

 I've always been introverted. Really introverted. I can be seen in many childhood photos hiding behind my mother’s leg, looking suspiciously at the camera. In high school I often preferred the solitude and quiet of the library over the lunch room- being constantly surrounded by people for eight hours out of the day was not my idea of any kind of fun.

So when my daughter decided that she wanted to cheer I wondered (okay, I feared) what that would mean for my introverted nature. I didn’t know all that much about cheer but one of the things I did know was how much time the cheerleaders spent together and, consequently, how much time their parents did also. After I forced myself to stop wondering whether or not they would like me, I started thinking about what on earth we would talk about for all that time.

My husband is the outgoing one. My daughter is the outgoing one. I am the polar opposite. I have to plan strategies for any party I attend because eventually it just gets to be too much. For my husband and daughter, on the other hand, any party you invite them to they will come at the beginning and stay till the end (and be the life of it). So not me.

To be honest, my first inclination for the first few weeks of cheer practice was to drop my daughter off and leave (well, run)- after all, there were other things that had to be done, right? Laundry, dishes, gardening, organizing my stamp collection… You get the picture. I was looking for a way out- and my daughter was smart enough to figure that out.

The last thing she did before she went to greet her teammates and change into her cheer shoes was look me in the eyes and say, “You’re going to stay for the whole time, right?” Of course I agreed because then the whole mom guilt thing started happening and I knew it wasn’t so much a question as it was a demand. She was in her happy place and she wanted me to enjoy it with her.

I don’t know exactly when it started happening but eventually I began to look forward to my time with the other cheer moms. Of course we talked about cheer, but then gradually we started talking about other parts of our lives and our children’s lives. Now I don’t call just called him “the other cheer moms” I call them friends.

We all want something we don’t have, right?

It’s human nature.

It starts when we see the boy in our toddler play group with the shiny new rattle or the girl in the passing stroller with a snack trap full of Cheerios. At that age we can’t properly express our wants so we snatch the new rattle during the play group and we screech because we can’t get out of our stroller to grab the Cheerios.

My daughter wants to be a flyer. Flyers get the spotlight. Flyers get the glory. Flyers can fly.

My daughter is a base and, as she’s pointed out, “bases just get stepped on all the time”. She knows that bases are crucial. She knows that without bases, the flyers couldn’t fly. She knows ALL of that and understands it logically. But deep down inside she yearns to be at the top of the stunt.

It’s the fate of a tall level one cheerleader.

To be honest I think it’s going to be one of those things that she just doesn’t ever get. But somehow I feel the need to keep her hopes up- so I explain that from year to year it will depend on the size and ability of the others on her team.

In the midst of the day to day busyness of this past school year it was nice to stick around and watch cheer practice more often. It’s fun to get to know the other cheer parents better, see how the teammates interact with each other and see how the coaches interact with the athletes.

At one point my daughter mentioned that her legs hurt (she was feeling especially tortured by the wall sits). I don’t know if she expected sympathy, a pat on the back or maybe she was just thinking out loud.

Coach P said, “I’m sure they do, but it’s making them more awesome!”

I loved the positive spin on the (really) hard work the girls were doing. She could have shamed her for complaining or mocked her for being weak- but she spun it into something positive.

My daughter isn’t naturally as flexible as many of her teammates (a trait inherited from her Dad) and has to spend a lot more time than most stretching- mostly her shoulders. Coach P notices how hard she works and instead of comparing her to other girls, she compliments her hard work and progress.

Coach P’s positivity has made all the difference to my daughter and is part of the reason that she has completely embraced cheer.

It’s fantastic when kids can be in a place where positivity (and athletic excellence) is encouraged.