#abuser tw

I'm crashing out. Might as go out with a fucking bang. My boyfriend cheated on me my entire pregnancy and began verbally abusing me while continuing to cheat on me post pregnancy.

We finally had a talk, and I gave him an ultimatum (december 28th). I believed him like an idiot. He started cheating on me again less than a week later. I have audio of him accusing me of cheating on him and pictures of all the times he had cheated on me (both post ultimate talk).

A small, fragile thing, golden with lines of ruby and a rose diamond in the center. All colours he cannot see. Jameson looked at it wide-eyed, his hands shaking as he pulled it delicately from the box. He runs his finger over the diamond, lips trembling. This is the prettiest thing he has ever touched. This is the only gift he has ever been given. This is... 

“It’s okay, it’s just for you. Take it.” Anti is beaming, his form semi-translucent and breaking into sporadic lines of code. His grin has far too many teeth, and his eyes are darker than vantablack, set in a deceptively human visage. 

“Do you like it?” he purrs. “Special gift for my special boy.” They are laying in bed together, semi-translucent limbs tangled with Jameson’s frail legs and chest. Jameson looks into his eyes, his thumb worrying over the ruby trace. Anti hums and runs a hand along his scarred jaw. Just intimate, just soft. “Open it, carve,” he murmurs. 

Jameson licks his lips, and pops the tiny clasp open. Inside the left side, engraving in the gold next to a ruby rose says:

“My body mine,  hands intertwine,  Together in hearts we never shall part.  ~ To my Jameson” 

Jameson’s bottom lip trembles, and when he meets Anti’s eyes once again, they are watery and distant. Anti frowns, tugging at his hair. “What’s the matter?” 

“Too much. Too much, Anti.” Jamie shakes his head as his hands place the necklace back in the box to sign. “I love you but... I can not take this. Not worthy of it.”

Anti chortles, his voice glitching in spirals and colours Jameson will never see. “Oh, my baby. You’re completely right, little thing, you are not worthy of it.” Anti baps JJ’s head softly, ruffling his hair and earning an indignant whistle and bubble of giggles from the two when Jameson realizes he is being teased. “But I am giving it to you anyhow. You’re my pretty body, and you know I love dressing you nicely.” Anti runs his hand over the frilly collar of Jameson’s shirt, and Jameson blushes softly in colours Anti doesn’t care to notice. 

“Here, c’mere love,” Anti says, pulling him even closer, souls against bodies and hands intertwined. Anti lifts the necklace and latches it around Jameson’s neck. It falls against the tight collar of his fancy doll’s shirt, nestling against the folds of fabric. Anti bares his teeth proudly. Jameson touches it delicately with long, thin fingers, tilting his head with scrunched eyebrows. 

“Say thank you.”

“Thank you. Thank you, my soul.” 

Anti hums his approval and cuddles up against his body, his heart, the keeper of his soul. Jameson, for his part, cuddles back, pressed chest to chest with his torturer, his captor, his true love. 

His entire?? Like arc with ivlis??

You know how he's been trying not to be a shitty ass person anymore?? Yeah that's development

You know how he's been realizing his unrequited feelings?? That's development

You know how he's been feeling guilty and bad about what he's done?? That's development

You know how he's been trying to fix things up with ivlis?? That's development.

Just because it's not exactly looking all perfect yet doesn't mean it's not development.

 Abusers, when talking about how they abuse, will...

1. Rarely say “I am an abuser/ I am abusive”. They will instead use distancing language such as, “I feel/they said/it seemed/it might’ve been”. 

2a. Act as though the abuse is completely outside their control, because they were overwhelmed by emotion. If this were true, the abuser would abuse far more people, everywhere, all the time, any moment that their emotions were aroused. They could not hide their abuse. And yet abusers often only abuse those who they know can’t fight back, and they do it in places they won’t be caught/called out on their abuse.

2b. Act as though the abuse is completely outside their control, because it was a unique, unpredictable, stressful situation. If this were true, we wouldn’t see a continuing pattern of abuse. If this were true, we wouldn’t see abuse at all- if abuse is not in your vocabulary, you won’t turn to it in times of stress. It is not a normal or natural reaction.

2c. Act as though the abuse is completely outside their control, because they too have been abused. For this to be true we have to ignore the actual statistics which state that a minority of those abused go on to abuse others. It is well-established that being abused does not force someone to abuse others. 

3. Obsess over calling the abuse anything but abuse. “A terrible thing” “A bad coping mechanism” “A reaction to...”. This is meant to make the abuse sound less extreme than it actually is, and excuse it in any way possible. It is meant to make the abuser look better and the victim look like they are overreacting. But there is no excuse for abuse.

4. Play on your sympathy, often through a common connection/emotion. For example, de-emphasizing the abuse in favor of emphasizing your shared history of trauma, even if it is entirely unrelated. They will talk about how they feel sad, hurt, confused, or scared in order to gain our sympathy/compassion and then redirect those feelings to cover their abusiveness as well.

5. Pretend they have no idea why they are abusing, or what exactly it is they are doing that is abusive. This is gaslighting. If the person saying this is normally perfectly capable of reading a situation and understanding morality/the difference between good and bad, they do not magically lose this ability when they act abusively. They know what they are doing is wrong, and they make a conscious choice to do it anyways because they benefit from it. If abusers truly hated abuse, and had no reason to keep doing it, they would stop, or never do it in the first place.

6. Approach abuse survivors in particular for “help”. Common sense dictates that survivors are not the ones who can magically cure an abuser, and they are the very last people who should be forced to deal with them. Common sense also dictates that survivors are among the most vulnerable people to abusers. Essentially all survivors as themselves at some point, “But what could I have done to stop the abuse?” Although the answer is nothing, abusers know that survivors ask this. They will pretend that the abused can “fix them” and that they want to be “fixed” and use this to draw survivors in. Do not exhaust yourself trying to help someone who does not truly want to be help and cannot truly be helped by you anyhow.

The core message is... Abusers will not own up to abuse. They will claim they don’t understand. They will claim you are being unclear. They will ‘forget’ what you have said before and any agreements they made. They will try to confuse and tire the listener out until they get a) sympathy b) the matter dropped. Do not try to reason with them; their arguments are not based on logic but on manipulation and control. If they truly seek help then they can go to an abuse rehabilitation center on their own.

Hey, pals!

I wanted to let you guys know that I have been compiling all the videos and doing audio recordings when he is verbally abusive towards me. They're in a secure folder on my Dropbox account.

When I originally confronted him back in December, he was threatening to kick me out. I told my landlord what was going on to try and understand what rights I did and did not have. Him and his wife had a talk and both agreed that they would happily sign the lease over to me if we could convince my boyfriend to take himself off. When my boyfriend and I originally had that talk where he promised to stop cheating on me, Etc, he refused but agreed to put me on the lease with him.

Then we were falling behind on rent, so I reached out to my landlord to ask him if he'd be willing to allow us to use one of the programs offered to low income families to pay the rest of our rent. Well, it turns out one of our neighbors did that, and It ultimately screwed him over, so he is hesitant about using that program now. Which sparked my landlord to remind me he accepted Section 8, and one of our neighbors is already on it as a single gentleman. He told me, "If you and Sora were on the lease, then there is no doubt we would be able to receive Section 8". I read that too my boyfriend, and he reluctantly finally agreed to remove himself, so now the apartment is mine.

At this point, I'm working on learning to drive so I can get my license to be able to become fully independent for myself and Sora.

𝘓𝘔𝘈𝘖 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺.