#abuser logic

They convince you that this is the one ultimate truth and you almost can't escape it because their entire logic is warped around what YOU did to cause this, to cause them to snap and hurt you. They create this fictional world where potentially no abuse would happen if only you acted differently, almost as if it was under your control, whether they abuse you or not.

You can get lost in that world where your actions all have unpredictable, horrible and painful consequences, you can try to change your behaviour in a million ways to try and get different results, you can run yourself ragged trying to please the abuser to make them less hostile, and they still abuse you, and you still feel like nothing will ever be good enough, like you are not good enough.

And that's because their logic makes no sense. A person who loves you wouldn't do this to you. They wouldn't hurt you for anything. They wouldn't want you to suffer. They wouldn't consider themselves an authority over whether you've deserved pain or not, you would never deserve pain in their eyes.

A person who loves you and cares about you does not want you to run yourself ragged trying to please them. They don't want to train you into obedience, they don't find your worth equal to how much you're useful to them, they don't see you as a toy to manipulate into as much work as possible. The person who would do this to you hates you so intensely and so cruelly, you're not even real to them. They don't even see you as a person. And you know it, because after this type of treatment, you don't see yourself as a person either, you only see something to be used as a resource and discard at will, this is not who you are!

Compassion, humanizing, comfort, warmth, concern, care about your emotions, care about your experience of life, care for your well being, your happiness, your confidence, your quality of life, your dreams and goals, your happiness, your desires, freedom, passion, excitement, enjoyment, love can't exist without all that. That's what makes you feel like a person, that's what love is. Not being trained and dehumanized. Not being judged and punished because your best is not enough for someone. Not being blamed and scrutinized when you're in pain. That's the deepest hatred a person can hold for you, that's desire to torture you.

vs

he said he only hits her bc he feels threatened by another guy.

he says he only hits her bc she did something bad.

he says he hits her bc she provoked him and made him mad.

he said he wouldn’t beat her so much if she changed her ways.

he said he thought she was going to hit him first.

he said if she stops fighting back he would stop hitting her.

if she wants him to stop hitting her why doesn’t she just do what he wants?

yeah i know he has a lot of ex girlfriends that he also beat, but maybe they all did something wrong too?

it’s all endorsing abuser logic. it’s victim blaming. and excuses are always framed from putins viewpoint. he said he said he said. putin said this. putin said that. the insistence on totally ignoring the victim’s voice and perspective is completely identical.

i’m seriously waiting for some of y’all to agree when putin says ukraine has a black eye bc its clumsy and accidentally walked into a door, or tripped and fell down some stairs.

and the really bonkers thing is the people who fall for putin’s “denazifying ukraine” propaganda. all of a sudden people, many who never once blogged about antisemitism, now they all care?? please. as if russia doesn’t have a nazi problem of its own. let’s see just how much putler “cares” about denazifying ukraine when he bombs the jewish city of odesa to smithereens. that will really show all those nazis, right?

jfc. you guys defending his war of aggression are fuckn terrible.

Russian army commits war crimes, targets the Jewish people they’re allegedly “saving,” Tankies discuss if maybe they somehow deserved it.

Look, when I was a kid, because of my father’s job, my family moved around a ton. There was a period of time when my siblings and I attended a new school every year. So I was the perennial “new kid.” And yeah, I was big for my age, so as a result, every other day after school I was constantly fighting the bully dejour who tried (and usually failed) to use me to prove their toughness. Me vs. one, two, three other kids at a time was the norm. Unsurprisingly, I got really good at fighting. Really good. Not because I enjoyed it, but because I was determined not to get my ass kicked and become the new school whipping boy.

Blah, blah, blah—what’s the moral of the story? More than once, before the end of the school year, teachers and administrators got sO fucking tired of me “beating up” on kids—who remember, unprovoked attacked me first—that they began a “zero tolerance” policy to fighting. More than once , I found myself dumbfounded as I sat in the principal’s office as an adult repeatedly tried to explain to me that, “Odin, it’s actually the second punch that starts the fight. So really, by hitting them back it was YOU who started the fight.” I thought that was asinine then, and I still do now.

If an active shooter can claim “self-defense” when reasonable people react predictably and attempt to disarm the active shooter, then the words “self defense” have completely lost all meaning. Rittenhouse was the provocateur. He himself created the danger that others were responding to—HE WAS THE DANGER.

Look, I know that this is a troll ask, submitted by someone who is upset that I recently blocked them—because I don’t allow racists to use my posts as a springboard to gain visibility & add their bullshit comments to my posts—but I see this bass ackward “reasoning” being spread by Republicans, racists and gun nuts (redundant, I know) on social media, so I decided to answer it ….

I don’t think that I can sum it up much better than tumblr user @teaandtimepieces did in this post, so I’ll just copy & paste their words here:

“[Kyle Shittenhouse and the Proud Boys] caused fear and agitation by showing up armed and marching around intimidating protestors. Which is WHAT THEY MEANT TO DO. Then used the unrest to justify shooting people. Remember, the first man he killed threw a plastic bag at him, Kyle heard a gunshot from the other end of the parking lot and used that as an excuse to shoot the guy who threw the plastic bag. This was the self defense he was talking about. A plastic bag. The other two people he shot were trying to remove his gun from him while he was an active shooter running from the scene. You do not get to claim self defense from someone trying to neutralise you, an active shooter.” [emphasis mine]

Lastly, here is another post that I think accurately summarizes why narrowly looking only at what “provoked” Shittenhouse is about as dumb as saying, “it’s the second punch that starts the fight.”

👉🏿 https://odinsblog.tumblr.com/post/668456167955185664