Its been almost four goddamn years
You put me in the cycle again
Your so kind. You make me miss you. We talk and every painful memory, and every cruel thing you have done disappears.
When I see you, I my eyes and heart bleed out another reason to give you another chance.
My therapist says its not only an emotionally abusive relationship that you put me in a cycle in,
But she defined it as a domestic violence relationship.
You're a liar, a rapist, and someone who gets pleasure from seeing my pain.
I catch it everytime. But why do I always go back to you. ]
I guess you were the love, where I actually felt safe in. Even though there was danger surrounding me, in
all aspects. You were the
danger. You are the caution tape you see after an accident. Only you caused
the accident and hide the caution warning with your fake kindness and “care” and apologies. Then the
next fucking day you crush me. You ruin me. You hurt me.
from anybody growing up. I mean I did from my family, but not outside of that.
I was the manican to laugh at. I was the object that nobody cared about, and just pushed me out of the
circle. All I wanted was acceptance and love. Somebody to hold me and take care of me. Show me that
love I have never had, yet always wanted.
I believed you were the one that gave me that.
You were just like the others. Used me. Got to know me, I let you in. Then I was just a fucking joke.
we broke up, I came to the computer lab at oprf hs, to beg for you back. I needed you.
As much as you hurt me, I needed you.
You told me you changed. It was ONE WEEK. You got a job, you got a new girl who actually cared about
you, you stopped smoking, yo
u said you were getting it together. I did care. I still do. And I shouldn’t.
Because all you did and do is hurt me. I started hyperventilating and sobbing, begging for him to stay..
He laughed and told me to get out.
I left hyperventalating, everything
was blurry and I couldn’t see straight. I pushed open the doors,
looked back, and he was shaking his head and laughing.
I came over, one day, thinking you wanted me back. We talked, I smoked a cigarette, as you smoked
your plain swisher. Those swishers that you burned me with because I didn’t want to inhale a chocolate
flavored cigar. I still remember the taste.
I thought that sharing my body with you would make you want me again. It didn’t. We fucked, and I left.
I thought I had a chance with you again. You always wanted my blonde hair back again. So I did it. I
didn’t want it back, but I did it for you. Hopes that you might want me again. I cant believe I fell for you
again. Again. Again. Again, and fucking again.
I miss you, and still love you, I don’t want to. I wish I didn’t.
