Catra and Adora are some of the best representations in my eyes of two of the ways people can and do respond to abuse- one needed to protect everyone be friends with everyone save everyone never let anyone feel what she had to go through. Hurting herself and others who care about her in the process of trying so hard to stop them from hurting. To make the world a padded room, trying to fix everything cause no one should have to hurt and the worst part is she’s right but she’s also so wrong cause if she keeps doing this she’ll just hurt herself more. Believing she can’t be worth anything but how she can protect people how she can help, completely blind to the idea that she could bring happiness simply by being there and nothing else. Of that she could hurt someone by not being there because what good is she except the good she does? Thinking herself Worthless except in the qualities of the praise her abuser gave her, which was always about what she could do not what she was, until she finally realises people want her for her not what she can do. Using she ra as a shield saying they only want me for her that she’s not worth anything without she ra cause what good could she do otherwise? Until she meets someone who loves adora and hates she ra, and has to confront that maybe her being alive is worth something and that’s terrifying because that means she has to be careful and weight things up and not get to hurt cause she could never hurt this girl by disappearing again.
The other was so hurt she couldn’t bring herself to do anything beyond survive, not thinking, lashing out and repeating the cycle not because she wanted to but because she knew nothing else and better the devil you know , and she never had the time or the mental energy due to the abuse to reflect on what she was doing, trying anything to just feel better but it doesn’t work since what she Thinks will make her feel better is just what her abuser criticised her for being poor at, not anything she actually cares about (that being adora, and being able to not be scared anymore). Needing to be bette r because maybe they’d hurt the other one instead of her then hating herself for the thought. Then keeping on tryigg by it be better and not thinking about it cause she can’t feel that pain again. Then feeling trapped by the bad things she’s done, feeling unforgivable but also feeling unchangeable like she will always be this way because otherwise then what she’s done is her fault cause she could have changed. And she hates herself for being “unchangeable”. and it IS partly her fault… but not all of it. So so far from all of it, so much is Shadow Weavers and even hordaks and primes through the cycles of abuse that permeate the shown and she can be forgiven and she can change and she can be good but she can’t belive it cause that would hurt so much more in the moment and it’s better to live every day hating yourself moderately then to take that step of trying to be better with the pain, especially when that would betray everything she ever thought she wanted, being better than her, giving up on her “dream” even though every time she beats her the hole inside gets a little bigger and so she believes she’s a little more worthless but instead of stopping it must be because she’s not yet good enough. So she keeps going and hurting herself and tearing apart everything she wants until she has nothing to lose, which is when she can finally start to break free, cause what does the pain matter when your going to die?
Anyway I love them.
