#ableism*

paladins: we’d trust you so much more if you were honest!!

lotor: ..............

lotor: disabled people shouldn’t be allowed to breed

“You may not talk.” Snotty’s time to sink into her chair now. “You will not move from these seats. And you—” she points and I hear the James Dean-wannabe take his feet off the table and let them drop loudly onto the floor. —”will not sleep.”

EVEN.

She knows.

Some would call it paranoia but, when you’re crazy (I know how that sounds), you develop a sixth sense for people who treat you differently because they know. It’s that mixture of aggression and apprehension sprinkled with just a little bit of guilt (enough to make them feel OK with themselves) that gives it away.

That last rule Ms Willhelmsen directed at me feels ominous. More a promise than a warning.

She’s grabs a pile of sheets of paper and a few pens from the Loans and Returns desk and starts distributing them amongst us.

“We’re going to try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay — of no less than a thousand words — describing to me who you think you are.”

“Is this a test?” I hear Sana mutter and I smile at her, until Ms Willhelmsen slams a sheet of paper and a pen too hard on Sana’s table, making her flinch.

my current living situation is terrifying; i am losing more and more function the longer i’m here

i’m not okay

i’ve been keeping myself busy with projects, and trying to do something with what i have

my family is violent

the police do nothing because my mom rushes to each and every one of my brother’s defenses, and recognizes she’s an enabler, but refuses to work on that

my mom is a nazi

she believes we’ll never have true unity until all unite under God in Christian Faith, and that blue-eyed blond-haired white people are superior

and would often refer to my dad and brother, and even myself as neanderthals because we have brown eyes, brown hair, and olive-toned skin(i’m ginger, so my skin is a mix between olive toned and pale pinks)

because my oldest brother, and younger brothers have blue eyes, my mom praises them for being pure like her or something

she never knew how to ‘categorize’ me because i have brown-green-grey hazel eyes, and would always refer to me as a ‘balance’

i cannot go to a shelter because i’m dealing with major paranoia, unmedicated schizophrenia, and not in my correct state of residency; also, nobody really talks about it, but shelters deal with a lot of violence and even death, especially if you’re trans, which is part of the reason trans-housing network exists in the first place

i have no one i can stay with

i have to barricade the door every night to be able to rest comfortably

if i sleep without barricading the door, i end up waking up frequently, and have night terrors of people coming in and trying to kill me, or drag me away

i have been self-medicating with drowsy medicines to help me sleep, and now also because my anxiety and paranoia have been flaring up anytime someone in the house raises their voice even the slightest

friends on skype calls have heard my family get violent, and scream

my boyfriend who visited in february couldn’t leave the room i’m staying in without me escorting him because my younger brothers were prepared to get violent with me for ‘inviting a stranger into the house of my own volition’

and i was scared that if he did anything without my supervision, they might attack him, verbally or physically

my younger brother has lifted me by the throat, and thrown me, and my other older brother has pulled a gun on me, both times due to them triggering my PTSD

they’re all quick to violence if conversations don’t go their way

i want to go back home

i’ve lived with these people my entire life, and they blame me for not agreeing with them

they blame me for their violent acts

there are good things in my life, of course

i just got engaged

my fiancé and trying to move out to SoCal with a friend

the three of us are coming out of bad situations

i’m going to try and do some other work now that i’ve gotten this off my chest

but i just want to make my working conditions apparent; i’m legally homeless, my residency is in california, but because nobody wanted me on the streets, i took refuge somewhere that was only meant to be temporary, and i’ll have been here for almost a year at the beginning of may

so i’m very sorry for the lack of In-Character interactions

i’m very stressed, and constantly trying to work with what i have, and what i’m able

but also, when i say thank you for following this blog, or being a fan of the podcast, it is the most encouraging thing

because i have poured so so much love into the characters and the series, and i’m so so excited to work with the amazing cast of people on the team who are contributing to the series

i want the series to always be available to everyone free; donating, or becoming a patreon helps too

but following this blog, enjoying the content, whether reblogged or original???

that encouragement has allowed me to take positive steps to make the series what it’s already become, and allows me to do something i can pour love and life into

i will never ever be able to say enough how thankful i am when i’m shown encouragement, because it’s allowed me to create something that i feel is wonderful

so

thank you

thank you from the bottom of my heart

things are really rough, but it always means so much to me when people show kindness and encouragement, not even just to me, but with other people as well

i want to keep putting good out into the world

thank you for reading

i’m sorry i haven’t been doing as much RPing as i’d like to

please be safe, and eat well, stay hydrated, and if you take meds, remember to take those

you are loved

what's the descendants verse world's culture re: mental illness? - @rivalbede 

OOOoooo hmmm. auradon is set in a place with 21st-century technology and what appears to be 21st-century culture, so it might stand to reason that its views on mental illness would be similar to ours: deeply flawed, but at least there is a lot of research on the topic and a scientific consensus that these things aren’t just caused by demons. however. given that the populace is mostly ancient/historical humans slapped into the modern world, i can see auradon’s view of mental illness being somewhat worse than our own. i don’t want to speculate on which members of the main casts would be ableist, as i don’t want to ruin anyone’s childhood that badly. but i would not be surprised if these old-timey 18th and 19th century folks had some boomer opinions on mental illness and disability, and i would be even less surprised if most of the populace did as well.

❝i appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but…i’m not exactly in the mood for memes right now.❞ she recently had a friend-breakup with one of of her closest friends and she’s just not having it.

❝oh cheer up! don’t tell me this is all about your trauma again or whatever. DELELELEWHOOOOOOOOOOP!❞