Love is one of the most amazing feelings, yet one of the most elusively indescribable.  I think I am like most people; I love loving!  Sparked by a post I read recently by my ex (going on and on about his new love and how he has never known love until now, and all he has known is what love isn't), I started thinking about how demeaning that was.  It was belittling to our entire relationship.  So I started thinking about the first time I was "in love," comparing it to the most intense love I now have for my husband.

I'm not talking middle school love... even if I thought I was in love then, I still knew better.  I am talking about high school "teenager-brain-love," the "OMG, I'm plotting my secret marriage to this man even though he has just smiled at me across the hall love."  Do you remember that?  I remember it like it was yesterday.  The boy my friends and I snickered about freshman year, instant messaged nonstop (remember that?) sophomore year, he stole my first kiss that summer, would play games with me and back off, then came around every time I had a boyfriend and caused a breakup, wash, rinse, repeat.  I was obsessed with this guy.  Thinking about those feelings still gives me butterflies.  It was the stupidest "relationship" I will ever have, yet it is my first feeling of a passionate, lasting love.  It lasted all four years of high school ladies and gentleman.  Actually, we reconnected for a brief second when I graduated from college (not one of my finer moments).

Now I am quite a few years removed from those high school feelings.  I've been in two serious relationships in between that high school boy and my husband.  Now my husband is the love of my life and the father of my amazing children.  The feelings I have for him far surpass any others in my mind.  BUT I did love all of the others.  I loved all the others with all that I was capable of at those points in my life.

I can't help but wonder if love isn't something we simply feel, what if it is a skill?  A skill that can be fine-tuned.  What if I do not possibly love my husband more than all the others, but if my capacity for love has just grown?  If my love for an ex could be given a numerical value of 100, but 100 was my capacity for loving, and my love for my husband was given a 200, but now my capacity for loving is 200, is that any different?  I am still loving someone with my total being and love capability, 100%.

To put it plainly, as we grow, does our ability to love follow suit?  If so, does that belittle any of our previous "loves"?  Is it really a matter of knowing what love is vs. what it isn't?  Can love have many different faces in our lives?

I feel very fortunate to be able to say that I have had 3 great loves in my life and one mind boggling amazing love.  Just because I love someone else now, it doesn't mean I didn't love the others.  I loved them with everything I had, and they allowed me to continue to fine tune my love-skill and made me who I am today.  My husband can thank each and every one of them for helping me become the woman I am today.

xoxo.

This post is also inspired by a favorite quote of mine from "Dan in Real Life": "Love isn't a feeling, it's a capability."