#abbys thoughts

when everything happened, you wished you could explain it better to people but you couldn't so you did what you did best and you wrote about it. about the sadness and the pain and the hurt, that was all in november and then the photos came out of him and malia. it all hit you, the realization of why he had been pulling away for so long, it hurt you more than anything so you changed the tune of your album. at first it was all hurt but now it was angry and everything you wanted it to be.

you had managed to write it within five months, sometimes it would take longer but the words you needed to say came out faster in your songs then they would if you had decided to just say them. Your manager helped you with everything, the process of it all went by quickly and soon enough the album was out

@y/n.coded : are you ready to spill your guts with me? my new album guts is now yours, ive spent the five months writing this album from the deepest part of my soul so i hope you guys love it as much as i do becauses shes simply my baby and i adore her. also please tell me what your favorite track is and i know alot of you claimed them so lmk if the one you claimed fits you!!!

@y/nupdates: you naming a song vampire... im giggling

@mollymay: the direct shot at malachi... @user: is it bad that im glad she did it? like yes please tell us how bad that man fucked up @frey/nsbaby: "went for me and not her, cause girls your age know better" y/n is a year younger than malachi @lucilleluchi: oh so can we all just collectively agree that malachi screwed her over? @user: @lucilleluchi we've been known

@applebottomjeans: reminder that y/n said her favorite track was track four and track 12, conveniently being lacy and teenage dream

@dararenee : this is pure and utter art, i can't even begin to imagine the feelings and emotions you put into this my girl. youre simply amazing

@mekonnenknife: me when i heard get him back! first

@freyaskye:hello? @y/n.coded: i fear he is telling the truth @kyliecantrall: i feel so betrayed @mekonnenknife: you guys just aren't as special, she showed me the original version though not the one on the album. @dararenee: original version? @y/n.coded: ill send you the voice note of it

@worldscollideupdates: noticing that everyone commented besides malachi and malia

@user: not you being messy... @y/n.coded: i fear you make me giggle olive @y/nschild: y/n babes you can't be responding to hate comments about them @y/n.coded: my manager gave me permission @kyliecantrall: IM HOWLING, THIS IS SO MESSY

@malachibarton: its good

@user: did this man just comment its good? mf she dragged you through the mud and all you can say is its good, be so serious right now.

@maliabaker: always proud of you my girl

@user: guys i miss y/n and malia, like thats her lacy.

@maliaslunch: OH DON'T TALK TO ME @lovebot: i fear we're never getting them back @dararenee : maly/n come back to me i beg

After you read through most of the comments, you sat on your bed staring at the ceiling. even if the album was out, it all stung the same way. it reminded you that he chose her over you, that in the end you didn't matter to him as much as he mattered to you and you had to deal with that

but you were okay spilling your guts on the internet if it meant people knowing how hurt you were.

you didn't tell him you could play, if anything you hid it from him. he was just so excited to talk about guitar that he never asked you if you knew how to play or if you even knew anything about the guitar. it was cute and you didn't feel the need to tell him you did know things.

you two had been together for a year now and even now, he still didn't know that you knew how to play. hell, two weeks ago you were laying on his bed in his room as he strummed his electric guitar softly trying to remember the chords

"you doing okay?" you asked as you tilted your head and watched him. he sat in his chair at his desk and turned to look at you with a soft smile

"yeah just can't seem to get the chords right" he exclaimed and you nodded, you wanted to help so badly. you had known the song for months, you learned the river by daisy jones and the six way before he even knew the song existed.

but now he had fallen in love with it and wanted to learn the chords and who were you to stop him? so you laid there and watched him. your head rested on your hand as you watched

"youre staring" he said

"im admiring"

"is there a difference?" he questioned with a laugh and you nodded

"theres a big difference, staring would be like im just looking at you, admiring is me watching you and really paying attention, see difference" you stated

"only you would be able to make that distinction" he spoke and you laughed as you threw a pillow at him and he caught it before it hit his head

"really? a pillow?" he said as he looked at you, you shrugged and looked at the ceiling.

"no idea where that came from, must have been a ghost, i know better than to throw something at your face, don't want to ruin your best feature" you said and his jaw dropped

"i knew you were only with me for my face"

"no you didn't. you know youre more than just a pretty face" you said as you stood up from the bed and moved closer to him. he smiled as he put the guitar down and his hands moved to your hips pulling you closer

"youre lucky i love you" he retorted

"that i am" you said and you leaned down to kiss him softly. he smiled into the kiss as he kissed you back.

but that was two weeks ago. now you sat in your room. your guitar was hooked up to your speaker as the river played on your pc and you played the chords to it as if it were nothing. you were home alone and miguel had a key to your house but you didn't think he would show up out of nowhere.

wrong.

"holy shit" you heard and you looked up to see miguel standing in your doorway. you had always hid your guitars in the other room when you knew he was coming over.

"miguel.."

"you've been holding out on me! i knew you had a secret, i just didn't know it was guitar" he exclaimed

"yeahhh" you led off

"how long have you been playing?" he questioned

"ten years, i started playing when i was eight" you spoke

"EIGHT?! YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME" he exclaimed

"in my defense, you were so cute trying to teach me things that i already knew" you said and he laughed

"how long have you known how to play the river?" he asked

"about a year now, but i know you like learning songs on your own" you stated and he stared

"yeah but its hot that my girlfriend plays the guitar too...i didn't think you could get hotter" he stated

"so youre not mad?" you questioned

"mad? no. surprised? yes but now you can teach me all the songs you know. like my own professional guitar help" he said with a smirk

"oh yay!" you said sarcastically

"you love me" he walked over and kissed you like there was nothing to it and there wasn't because now you were his professional guitar help

you met kamri peterson at playground la and that was how you knew malachi. he had seen the videos of your dancing and the kids you taught but also the choreography you taught and how paced it was. it was strong, sharp and everything he liked about your dancing. you two became friends but then he left to film zombies four and you stayed in la.

that was two years ago, you were now nineteen and you stood in the dance studio with a group of teenagers you were teaching. kamri stood off to the side watching you, she didn't tell you that malachi or the others were coming.

since you knew malachi, when he began filming zombies four, you met freya, sway, julian, chandler, milo, meg and mk. you and mk clicked automatically due to dancing, he told you that he had seen you on dancing with the stars and he had seen your choreography. he thought you were amazing, he admired you, malachi gave him your number and after that, you and mk were joined at the hip.

you started dating about a year into him filming zombies four, you barely saw him but you called everyday. however, today you didn't know he would be there with the group. so there you stood with the group of teenagers as you talked to them before you began the dance.

"Okay i made this dance like three years ago, but its one of my favorites so im gonna teach you the moves and then we're gonna add the music, yeah?" you asked them and they all nodded. you smiled before you turned and looked at the mirror in front of you so you could see yourself and them.

"alright it goes, one, two, three, four" you said doing the movements and then looking at them. you did the movements and when you knew they got it. you started the song and began the dance. at the chorus the actual dance started and you watched them as you did it with them

"

Baby girl, won't you come my way Tell me all the things That you wanna say Baby girl, you can say my name Show me all the ways You can move that thing

I don't wanna take you nowhere I don't wanna waste your time Baby girl, won't you come my way Baby girl, won't you come for me

Na na na" you smiled as you watched them and then you began the next part of the song. again you paid more attention to them than anything else and once they got it, you layered the song again

"

Baby girl, won't you come my way Tell me all the things That you wanna say Baby girl, you can say my name Show me all the ways You can move that thing

I don't wanna take you nowhere I don't wanna waste your time Baby girl, won't you come my way Baby girl, won't you come for me"

the song then slowed down and you watched their movements

"

You know you want me Girl, you need me Whoa I'll be waiting. Girl, come through Won't ya? Ooh

Baby girl, won't you come my way Tell me all the things That you wanna say Baby girl, you can say my name Show me all the ways You can move that thing

I don't wanna take you nowhere I don't wanna waste your time Baby girl, won't you come my way Baby girl, won't you come for me

Na na na " the song ended and you smiled at them as they all cheered and then you heard it

"THATS MY BEST FRIEND" and you turned to see kamri with malachi, freya, chandler, sway,julian, meg, milo and mk standing there. mks jaw was dropped as he stared at you and freya laughed at him

"close your mouth before you catch flies" she told him and you laughed as you ran over to the group and you hugged them

"i didn't know you guys would be here" you said into malachis shoulder and he smiled

"kamri thought we should surprise you, good surprise?" he asked

"great surprise" you said and then you looked at mks who was still staring at you like you weren't real

"MK?" you asked and he shook his head

"youre real, like you're really real" he said and you laughed as you moved closer to him and caressed his face. he moved closer and connected your lips with a sigh. you hummed as you kissed him back and the group cheered. meg and milo let out soft "awww"s and you smiled into the kiss as you pulled away and looked into his eyes

"hi" you said and he smiled

"hey" he nuzzled his nose with yours

"god you're so cute its gross" sway said and the group laughed

"you're real and i never want to let go" he said softly

"good thing you don't have to let go" you told him and he smiled as he leaned in and kissed you again.

good thing he came your way

"stop! okay youre pissed, i get that but talk to me, i won't know what i did until you talk to me" you begged, pleaded even for softer, kinder but he didn't know how to do that right now.

"YOU JUST... GOD YOU CLING ONTO PEOPLE, YOU SUFFOCATE THEM UNTIL THEY FEEL LIKE THEYRE DYING AND YOU NEVER LET GO... ITS SUFFOCATING! I FEEL SUFFOCATED ALL THE TIME... YOURE JUST ALWAYS THERE AND YOU DON'T NEED TO BE" he yelled and you stared at him. you knew this was coming, it was a long time coming. you were used to the turbulence.

"im sorry" your voice was soft, guarded, scared almost. He stared at you before he ran his hand through his hair

"thats it? youre sorry? jesus christ you can't even fight for yourself, god thats pathetic" he said as he turned to the bathroom slamming the door behind him. You stared at the floor before you took a deep breath and followed after him. You knocked on the door softly and opened it to find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"think we should break up" you voiced into the silence, his head shot up and he stared at you. he knew that the two of you had problems but he never even thought about breaking up before. but he saw the look in your eyes, the tremble in your hands, the shaking of your hands and he hated that he made you feel like that. small, unworthy.

"that what you want?"

"think its what we need"

"where will you go?"

"back to my apartment, my roommate left my room open for me. said i could come back whenever i wanted to" you said and he nodded

"im sorry.. i just... i can't love you even if i want to" he spoke and you nodded before you turned closing the door behind you. you went to the living room, staring at the floor.

you stared before you sat on the couch and stared at your hands. You were stuck, you felt stuck and as you stared into the space ahead of you, you knew it was over. it had been over for a while. when it was time, you opened the door and he was asleep. you moved around the room quietly, packing your things in silence. the room was dark but you always knew how to move around in dark spaces. that was your life, living in the dark.

you looked at his figure asleep in the bed, his chest rose and fell like it was nothing. at the start of the relationship, he hated falling asleep angry, hated fighting before bed but now he didn't care. You stared as you packed while he was asleep. then you went to the living room and sat down looking around one last time.

you didn't know how long you were sitting there before the sun started to rise and you realized you needed to leave before he woke up so you did just that. you took one last look around the place that had became your home and was now your hell. you took a deep breath and removed the apartment keys from your keys before you grabbed your things and left the apartment entirely. You went downstairs and put your things in your car, you took a deep breath as you looked down at your hand. The promise ring on your finger now stung, you took it off leaving it in the mailbox before you put the rest of your things in your car and then you drove off without a second look behind you.

your long sleeves clung to your arms but you kept driving, you couldn't stop. not now, not ever.