#malachi barton

🌸 AUSTIN TEXAS 🌸

The paddock felt different this time.

The first visit had been exciting- new faces, new experiences, a dream come true.

Now it felt...complicated.

You adjusted the Mercedes pass around your neck as you walked beside Malachi through the entrance, trying to ignore the knot the had lived in your stomach since your plane landed.

Three weeks.

Three weeks of texting Kimi.

Three weeks of laughing over voice notes, race memes, late-night conversations when jet lag kept him awake and tour buses kept you awake.

Nothing had happened.

Nothing inappropriate.

But somewhere between the messages and the phone calls, you'd stopped looking forward to the races because of Formula 1.

You looked forward to seeing him.

That thought alone made you feel sick.

Malachi reached for your hand, lacing his fingers through yours.

"You okay?"

You forced a smile.

"Just tired."

He frowned, brushing his thumb across your knuckles.

"You've barely eaten since last night."

"I know."

"You look really pale."

"I'm okay."

"You don't look okay."

Before you could argue, he gently steered you toward one of the seats in the garage.

"Sit."

"Malachi.."

"Please."

His voice was soft.

Concerned.

The kind of concern that only made the guilt sitting in your chest heavier.

"I'm going to the hospitality," he said. "I'll grab you something to eat. Water too."

"You don't have to-"

"I want to."

He kissed your forehead.

"I'll be back."

You watched him disappear down the corridor.

Your chest tightened.

He was always like this.

Always looking after you.

Always putting you first.

So why couldn't your heart just be satisfied.

"You don't look like yourself."

You looked up.

Kimi had appeared beside you almost silently, still wearing part of his race suit around his waist.

"You okay?"

You laughed weakly.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Only because everyone can tell that you’re not."

He crouched slightly so he was at eye level.

"You look exhausted."

"I've just got a headache and my legs are weak. I'm fine really."

"You don't sound convinced."

You looked away.

"I'm fine."

"You've never been a good liar, have you?"

That made you smile despite yourself.

"When did you figure that out?"

"Cause you’re so bad at it."

There was a pause.

Then he nodded toward the exit to the garage.

"Come on."

"Where?"

"Somewhere quieter."

"I should stay here."

"You've got ten minutes."

"I told Malachi I'd wait."

"And he'll find you."

He offered a small smile.

"I just think you could use some air."

Against your better judgement...you stood.

The noise of the garage faded with every step.

Kimi led you through a quiet corridor that opened into a small viewing balcony overlooking an empty section of the circuit.

"No one ever comes up here. Kind of my own space.”

No cameras.

No mechanics.

Just the distant sound of engines echoing across the track.

A breeze lifted your hair.

You rested your hands on the railing.

"It's peaceful," you admitted.

"I come here when it gets too loud."

You glanced at him.

He shrugged.

"Everyone needs their own space."

For a while neither of you spoke.

Cars flashed past in the distance.

The silence wasn't uncomfortable.

It never had been.

Eventually Kimi spoke.

"You've been avoiding me today."

Your stomach dropped.

"I haven't."

"You have."

He looked at you - not accusingly, just honestly.

"You barely looked at me this morning."

You sighed.

"I've been trying not to."

"Why?"

Because I'm scared of what it means if I don't.

The answer stayed trapped behind your teeth.

Instead you whispered, "Things have gotten...messy."

"The media?"

"Not just the media."

He leaned against the railing beside you.

"I'd never do anything to make your life harder."

"I know."

"I respect you."

"I know."

"I respect your relationship."

You nodded.

"I know."

"So why does it feel like you're saying goodbye to me?"

The question landed harder than you expected.

You swallowed.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Your voice cracked.

"I love Malachi."

"You do."

"But..."

You closed your eyes.

"I keep thinking about you."

The words hung in the air between you.

Neither of you moved.

Neither of you spoke.

When you finally looked at him, his expression wasn't victorious.

It was conflicted.

"I've tried to not think about you," he admitted quietly.

"I told myself you were happy."

"I was."

"Was?"

"I don't know anymore."

Silence.

Then another step.

Not enough to touch.

Just enough that the space between you suddenly felt impossibly small.

"You should go back," Kimi said, though he didn't move.

"Mhm."

Neither of you did."

His eyes searched yours as if asking one last question he refused to say aloud.

You answered it anyway.

You closed to distance.

The kiss was hesitant.

Careful.

Almost uncertain.

For one heartbeat it was nothing more than two people admitting something they'd both been trying to deny.

Then it deepened.

Not rushed.

Not desperate.

Just heartbreakingly real.

It only lasted for a few seconds.

You were the first to pull away.

The reality of what had happened crashed over you all at once.

Your breathing hitched.

"Oh my god..."

You stepped back immediately.

"Kimi..."

Your hands flew to your mouth.

"I-I can't..."

He didn't reach for you again.

He simply stood there, looking as shaken as you felt.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

You shook your head before he could take all the blame.

"No."

Your voice trembled.

"No...don't."

Because you kissed him too.

You wanted to.

That was the part that hurt the most.

You thought you'd feel instant regret.

Like you'd made a terrible mistake.

Instead...

You felt guilty.

Heartbreakingly guilty.

But underneath that guilt was something else that you couldn't quite place.

You couldn't pretend you hadn't wanted it.

You couldn't pretend it hadn't felt right.

And that terrified you.

"I have to go."

Kimi nodded once.

"I know."

Without another word, you hurried back though the corridor, wiping quickly at the tears gathering in your eyes.

As you stepped back into the garage, Malachi was walking toward you carrying a bottle of water, a sandwich and a chocolate bar.

"There you are."

He smiled, relieved.

"I was starting to wonder where you'd gone."

You looked at him.

At the man who had left only to make sure you ate something.

The man who trusted you enough to leave you alone.

The guilt hit harder than ever before.

"I just..." Your voice almost failed you. "Needed some air."

He handed you the water and smiled.

"Feeling any better?"

You forced yourself to meet his eyes.

"...Yeah."

It was the first lie you'd ever told him.

And somehow...

It was the easiest.

PLOT TWIST