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Abaxx Technologies Secures Strategic Investment Boosting Market Infrastructure Development

It isn’t as easy as it looks. This whole falling in love temporarily shit is exhausting. Except for the most part I fool myself into thinking it’s worth it. So I settle for being second best and it doesn’t matter that I’m always the last thought in your head. I’ll take it. I’ll take it because in between loving and not being loved like I deserve, I’ve convinced myself that whatever you have to give is better than nothing at all. So I stop asking about her and I learn to forget that you love her more than anything. I put aside my pride and on the days when she’s too far for your hands to rest on hers, I let you hold me. I let you pretend that you love me except it’s not as easy as it looks. Every morning I have to pack my things quietly and leave before she arrives because she somehow always finds her way home to you. You never say a word to me. You watch me in silence because the truth is, there isn’t an easy way to say that the love I was replacing is coming home.

I sit in a car with a beautiful boy and there is smoke in the air. My head is on his dashboard and I’m singing along to that one old song you always used to be play. I try to not notice it, but my hands are shaking except I tell myself that it isn’t you. That it’s the drugs. That it’s okay without you. So I let him hold my hand and I call him by his name because it makes me forget yours. And so I kiss him because it’s worth a try. Because he’s here and you aren’t.

I wanted to be the one to love you. But that was before I saw you for who you really were. What I'm trying to say is that you weren't made to be loved. Maybe that sounds painful, maybe it sounds empty, maybe the word love echoes through your walls but never really stays and in a world where they say we are all made to love and be loved- looking at you, it is hard to believe it. You weren't made to be loved. However I do believe in the idea that you were made to awaken the fight in me. You are here to convince me to risk my heart. You are here to teach me that even when you're scared it counts to try for something and so I try. I try to love you and put aside my shaking hands and I set down my insecurities and I love you with all the life in me. But you weren't made to be loved so you don't let me love you with the fire raging inside of me. You let me hold you in moments and you quietly slip out of my life, you stop calling back and you forget my name first. I do it second. You weren't made to be loved and it's not that you aren't good enough. It's that you're scared. That you think love is going to strip you down of all the things you are worth loving for and maybe you're right. Maybe it dims out the light sometimes but you learn to stop looking with your eyes- I hope you learn to use your hands. I hope that when you put them on anything it is love.

I'm in love with someone who isn't you and he loves me too. The first time I knew it, I was walking down the street with shaking hands and he was sitting on the curb of the street, blowing smoke in the air and his hands were shaking too. I knew it then. I took one look at him and it didn't matter that you couldn't love me like I deserved because he did and I hope that sounds painful. I hope that on the day that you hear the news from your friends, that I have been running around this town with a beautiful boy, who has eyes like the ocean and a heart that loves me- I hope you drop whatever you're holding. I hope you think of me then and I hope you remember all the ways I loved you and I hope that on that day, you find it hard to sleep. Except I don't want your apologies. I don't want you to call me because you miss me or because there is something you need to say. If you ever miss me, I want you to not say it. I want you to bury it somewhere. I want you to bury it beside the love I had for you and I want you to do it quietly. Don't tell your friends about it. Don't tell your mother or your father. Not even your brother. If you ever miss me, I don't want it to be something that can be heard. I want you to do it silently and in a way that doesn't hurt either of us. So don't say it because it will be too late by then and I will be holding the hand of someone who wasn't afraid to step out in the open for me and when you see him- when you see him, you'll understand. He wasn't the beginning because you were but that doesn't mean he won't get to be the end.