#abaddon angst

There are two sides to you: the past and the present.

Before, you did everything with the Winchesters. You met them when your life was at stake because a dragon captured you to eat. Yes, you were a virgin back then, but you quickly corrected that issue to prevent that mistake from happening again (or, that’s what you tell yourself). In reality, Dean was just too magnetic to stay away from.

Working with the Winchesters led to some really fun nights and some of the lowest lows you’ve ever seen yourself in. You three trusted each other with your life, always taking risks that the others wouldn’t. You used to put others before yourself all the time. It didn't matter if you know them or not. To you, everyone’s lives were worth more than yours… it’s why you and Dean got along so well.

You two became closer after you two had sex, even if it was the only time it happened. You’ve flirted with him almost every day, and there have been times when you two would make out, but it never went beyond that. It was just easier to sleep with someone you met in a bar and forget they existed the very next day. It was harder to do that with Dean since you lived with him.

Working with them was fine in the beginning, but the more hunts you went on, the more you realized how much you wanted a family. You’re always saving families and watching them reunite, and you long for one of your own. Dean tended to remind you that he and Sam were your family, and while that was true, you really wanted kids and to build one from the ground up.

It’s why you went your separate ways.

Sam and Dean wanted to continue to hunt, and you really wanted a family. That didn’t mean you weren't going to help if needed, you just weren't going to pick up a gun for them anymore. Whatever they needed, you helped from the comfort of your home. You kept in touch with them every day, told them about the men you were dating, and got so excited when one relationship lasted more than four months. They supported you from the Bunker, and you supported them from your apartment on the other side of the country. The only problem was that something was always dragging you back into hunting whether that would be a monster in your hometown, Sam and Dean needing your help on a hunt since they didn’t know anyone else, or whatever it was.

You got sick and tired of bailing on your boyfriends because you had to fight some monster. It wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to you. You ended up doing something you never thought you, as a hunter, would do. The need for wanting a family overcame the voice inside your head telling you not to do it. Of course, you never told Sam or Dean what you did… in fact, they hardly ever needed you for hunting after you did what you did.

You sold your soul for the apple pie life. Ten years being happy with a family is better than a lifetime of hunting monsters and never getting anywhere.

However, before you could get what you want, you died because you were in an accident. Now, you don’t know if it was some douchebag demon cashing in on souls early or if it was truly an accident, but it didn't matter because you went to Hell.

At first, it was torture getting tortured on the rack. It felt like a century being on there, but only a few years had passed. You’re used to getting a lot of pain from hunting with the Winchesters, but you’ve never experienced pain like that before.

You broke sooner than you hoped you would.

Instead of being tortured, you decided to do the torturing. It was nice to cut into skin that wasn’t yours. You knew Dean had gone to hell and was an excellent torturer, but you were better. You actually came up with ways that haven't even been invented yet. Everyone in Hell feared you, was scared when your name came into conversation. You got so good at torturing that anyone who was refusing to talk, did when they heard you were coming in.

After a few centuries of bringing the worst pain unto anyone that dare get in your way, you were promoted to a crossroad demon. It wasn’t as fancy as torturing souls, but you did get to see Earth. If you missed anything while you were human, it was being on Earth. Hell is great, but an argument can be made for Earth being a bit better.

After doing a few years being topside, you were a free demon, able to jump between Hell and Earth whenever you pleased. Crowley really wanted you to grab demons who were misbehaving and bring them back to him (injured or not), but you managed to slip into your old days of going to bars and picking up men.

Along the way, you met an equally scary demon, Abaddon. The only difference is that she is a Knight of Hell, and you’re not. You’ve never really clicked with anyone since going to Hell, but you did click with her. She never cared for other demons as her only goal was to overrun Crowley and become Queen of Hell, but you she cared for. There is something about you that taps into her emotions like no other.

You two became the dynamic duo, never going anywhere without the other. Whoever got in her way got in yours, and vice versa. There is nothing you two don’t do together, and that includes going to Earth to enjoy human things. You even traveled the world to see what you couldn’t when you were human.

The bar you two are in is lively with chatter, laughter, and all around good energy. You’ve been a demon for way too long, so you actually miss things like this. Abaddon is in one of her better moods which is why she agreed to something like this. The waiter just brought over your fourth round, and you take your glass to clink to hers.

“To us,” you grin.

“To us,” she smiles widely.

You down the shot, feeling no effect whatsoever. When done, you lean in and kiss her tenderly, glad to be by her side. It’s not every day that you can do this with her, so you’re cherishing each second until you have to go back to work. Your assignment: the Winchesters. But, more on that later.

“You know, I’ve never really understood Princes and Knights of Hell. Do you have wings?” you ask, staring at her in adoration.

“No, dear,” she chuckles. She cups your cheek with her right hand and rubs your cheekbone with her thumb. “That’s angels.”

You bite her thumb gently, and she pulls away with a smirk. She is about to suggest something else to do that’s way better than sitting in this dingy bar, but her phone rings. She’s still getting used to cell phones, but she answers it, nonetheless. You don’t know who is on the other line, but by the looks of her face, it’s not good news.

“What happened?” you ask once she hangs up.

“It’s those damn Winchesters… always getting in the way,” she growls. “They just won’t quit.”

You get an idea, suddenly, you and just smirk at the thought of it.

“You know, I used to work with them when I was human. Apparently, we worked pretty well together. I can make them stop… for good.”

“How?” she asks, intrigued.

All you can do is smile widely as the wicked thoughts enter your mind.

Sam and Dean have yet to find Abaddon and kill her before she takes over Hell and becomes Queen. They’re not getting any closer, and the Mark on Dean’s arm is itching for something more… powerful than mindless demons and monsters. Dean slams his bag on the library table with a frustrated huff.

“We’ll get her, Dean.”

“Yeah, when?”

Dean’s phone rings, and he stares at the strange yet familiar name. It takes a few seconds, but it clicks in his mind that it’s you… after all this time.

“It’s Y/N,” Dean gasps.

“She’s alive?” Sam asks, just as shocked.

Dean answers the phone and puts you on speakerphone so that Sam can hear.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

“Hi Dean. Long time no… talk,” you chuckle, keeping up the innocent facade they know you to have,

“Where the hell have you been? We thought you were missing or dead!”

“I’ve actually never felt better. I needed time for myself, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going away.”

“It’s been years, Y/N. That’s a little long for just ‘going away’. Where did you go?”

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know how to find Abaddon,” you grin and wink at Abaddon herself.

“What did you just say?”

“I heard down the chain of command you’re looking for her. She’s not far from where you are, actually. We can sit here and talk about how I know where she is and all that or you can come meet me and help me trap her. I heard you have the Mark which means you have the First Blade… you can kill her.”

“Where are you?”

“Believe it or not, Wichita, Kansas. She’s always been close just watching you. It’s why you can never find her.”

“Alright, we’re on our way.”

“Okay, drive safe,” you say sweetly.

As soon as you hang up the phone, you lose the sweet facade and give Abaddon a smirk.

“You want them to stop following you? You have to take out Sam first. Dean will be so hell bent on getting revenge, and that’s when we can use the Mark against him.”

“You’re so bad,” she grins and pulls you in by the waist.

“I know,” you chuckle.

You meet her halfway and kiss her, excited to use your skills on your old life… flushing out whatever good that used to be inside you.

Sam and Dean make it to Wichita in less than two hours, meeting you at the local bar. You told Abaddon to hide and wait for your signal. You dressed how you used to so that the brothers wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. If you want them to trust you after being gone for so long, then you really have to act the part.

“Sam! Dean!” you gasp with a smile, rushing over to them in excitement.

“It’s been too long, Y/L/N,” Dean chuckles and gives you a hug.

You remember what it’s like being in these arms, but you want to know what it’s like to watch his blood spill over them. Sam is next, and you silently size him up. You may be a badass demon, but they have been doing this a long time. If you’re going to get rid of them, then you have to be smart about this.

“Is she still here?” Sam asks when you pull away from him.

“Yeah. On the outskirts of town. She’s been there all day. I don’t know what she’s waiting for, but better make our move now.”

“Wait, are you sure you’re good? You seem a little too eager.”

“Let’s just get her while we can. Then, I’ll tell you all about where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. Spoiler alert, I think I’ve done every sex position there is.”

“Gross,” Sam shakes his head.

“Nice,” Dean says at the same time as his brother.

“Come on, we need to get going.”

You lead the Winchesters to the edge of town where an abandoned farm is. On that farm is a barn where Abaddon is hiding out. You gear up with the Winchesters when you notice the Mark on Dean’s arm.

“Does it hurt?” you ask, motioning to it.

“I try not to think about it.”

You and the brothers head inside quietly, guns drawn. There is no one in the barn, and it takes Dean two seconds to figure out that she isn’t here, or that something isn’t right.

“Where is she?”

“Right here,” Abaddon smirks, entering the barn from where you three came in.

Sam and Dean turn, and yours and Abaddon’s eyes turn black.

“So glad you could join us,” you chuckle darkly.

You raise your hands, and Sam and Dean go flying across the room into the back wall. They hit their heads on the tables, causing them to black out. You and Abaddon high-five each other before heading over to them.

“This is going to be so much fun…”

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