#aaron!!

~♡~

Leo's screaming fell upon his own deaf ears as his knees painfully hit the wooden floor. That wasn't him.

And yet they all still identified him.

Leo choked on his own wails and sorrowful tears, tearing the hoodie off his back and tossing it away from him. The fabric made him want to tear himself apart.

He was so deformed, destroyed. Twisted and cracked. His form resembled a horrific art project, a test of what the human body was capable of and how far the limits could possibly be pushed. And McLean was smiling.

A sick man and his best work. The ratings would fill his dinner plate tonight.

Leo could only wonder if he had any shred of consciousness left. If he was there now, would he even be recognized? If he hadn't left, would any of this have happened? The scenarios only encouraged the bile that threatened to escape his stomach. He couldn't handle this; not now, not ever.

Was 'he' even there? His body may have been, but the crowd calling upon his name seems to bring no reaction. His eyes only filled with one emotion that reflected throughout his terribly thin body as he reached towards Chris through the bars. Fury.

But maybe, if Leo called out for him, if he could only scream louder and reach his arms for the only one he'd ever desired to hold.. Maybe he was still there. Still clawing and fighting and looking for him, through the blinded mind of an animal. Hoping that someone would come back for him.

Leo didn't realize he'd moved to a different room until he heard the bathroom door open, seeing the taller stature of Sigmund from his spot on the cool tile floor. The blonde kneeled in front of him, reaching out and tenderly taking one of his wet hands.

"Can you hear me?" Sigmund mumbled, and though his head was pounding and his chest that felt far too small for the breaths he took, he nodded.

"Focus on me, if you can. Everything will be okay."He didn't understand. How could he? It certainly wasn't his fault, Leo couldn't blame the emotions he could never feel on him, but how could he ever see a silver lining in a ravenous tornado?

The front of his shirt was becoming uncomfortably soaked. He wanted to writhe, rip the cotton in two and free his body from the cage. Like a beast. The associated imagery didn't help.

"Maybe it's all a trick. You know how Chris is, he'll do anything to keep his show popular. Especially if it had something to do with the person everybody loves and talks about."

Although he wasn't wrong, how on Earth could he have faked that? It didn't seem like any kind of high budget CGI, a stuntman in makeup, a real animal, anything. Leo felt as though he wouldn't have known it was him so profoundly if it wasn't real.

His mind finally slipped the name. It only worsened his already severe sobbing. It really was Ezekiel.

Sigmund had stopped trying to comfort him, most likely realizing nothing he could say was going to help him. He sat properly beside him, letting the light brunette grip his hand as hard as he needed to.

The agony stayed for longer than he could bear to keep track of.

~~

Leo had found he never particularly cared for eating at restaurants. Always too noisy for him and too expensive, the idea never seemed worth it. And while a café seemed to get grouped in with that concept, when Sigmund suggested a local shop that didn't seem to get too populated, it didn't seem like a horrible idea.

The drive was silent, which Leo was thankful for, but he could tell Sigmund didn't enjoy it. He needed sound, something to fill the air and give him a chance to get out at least some of his pent up energy he couldn't expel elsewhere. But Leo couldn't bring himself to engage, feeling mostly numb. He'd spent himself with the constant crying and feeling the most rock bottom he thought he'd ever felt, and now there wasn't much left to give. As dramatic as it sounded in his head, there wasn't a better way to tell it.

The tiny building was admittedly very cute. They stepped inside, and he was satisfied that the described environment didn't disappoint. The two men placed their orders and went to sit, not exchanging words between each other. It didn't bother Leo, but evidently Sigmund couldn't take it anymore, breaking the air with a sentence that stirred the still emotions inside of him.

"They're making a new season." He muttered, audible enough for the man across from him to hear. "I don't know why. I don't know where it'll be, either. But I just heard about it."

Leo sighed and put his face in his hands, trying to keep himself from bursting into tears in a calm atmosphere. To his surprise, it mostly worked. "Awesome. I can't wait." The sarcasm practically dripped from his teeth onto the freshly cleaned tables, and he'd started to feel guilty as he saw a blur of the blonde man beginning to fidget with his hands nervously. He wasn't mad at Sigmund for anything; the entirety of everything simply weighed him down to the point of not having the capacity to fake it 'till he made it. He just couldn't.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm angry at you, I'm not."

"No, don't worry, man. You've been.. Dealing with a lot. I shouldn't have brought it up."

The spiked edges of the old grief stabbed his chest and burned at his eyes. 'Not now.'

"It's fine." He replied in a flat voice, looking out the window as Sigmund got up to retrieve their drinks. He felt the desire to be in the closed off box of his room develop in his mind and tug at his limbs, but he didn't move. He was long due for a day out of the house, and he was going to get through it, no matter how badly he wanted to go home.

When the man returned, they quietly enjoyed their drinks, equally knowing that any more conversation would surely lead to something worse.

~~

Sigmund knew he was far from being over it. Even without it being visually obvious, he just knew Leo had been struggling to live the way he had before. Which was completely understandable.

He tried to help as best he could, but he didn't know how. Asking would typically work, but Leo's mind clouded and would overload so frequently that it made it hard for him to even know what he needed himself.

He just wished he could connect with the way he felt. Take his feelings and memories and put them in his own head, so he could be a more effective friend. It wasn't a really good train of thought, as friends couldn't be labeled by how 'effective' they were, but he found he had a hard time trying to find a better term for it.

He'd been there as much as he could, whether it was just as the comforting presence of another person or to be the encouraging voice to get him to eat. That was another thing Leo had been battling with; he'd told Sigmund it was hard to not imagine what Ezekiel had to (more so what he couldn't) eat throughout the period of him going crazy, and it made him sick to his stomach. It was rough looking for a technique to help with that.

Today, he'd constantly been worrying about the words that left his mouth, knowing all too well he had the habit of saying things without thinking, nearly every moment they came to mind. He'd tried to keep from internally cursing himself as he drove Leo back to his home, as it wouldn't help anything, though he lost that battle quite unfairly.

They hopped out of the parked car when they'd arrived, walking up the driveway and turning to each other at the door.

"Do you need me to stay for anything?" Sigmund asked softly, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands in moments of nervousness; he typically tried to settle on putting them away. "I don't have anything to do today, and my mom can just call if she needs me."

The taller shook his head, digging in his pants pockets for his house key. "No, it's fine." Turning the key in the lock, he paused before he put his hand on the knob. Sigmund took notice of the hesitation and furrowed his brows.

"You okay?"

Leo took a quiet, restricted breath. "Sorry, I lied. Can you stay?" He wiped his face on his deep blue hoodie before turning back to Sigmund, scratching at the raw skin of his hands that had been far past itchy hours ago.

"Yeah, of course."

~~

As the trees became bare with the unforgiving winter, Leo slowly moved back into his normal routines. The grief hadn't gotten a lot easier, many things still made his heart hurt and have the potential to ruin his day, but Sigmund had helped him with healing more than he realized.

He knew he didn't have to, and there was a chance it wouldn't be accepted out of humility, but he wanted to get his friend something as a 'thank you' for not abandoning him when he was most vulnerable. He didn't think he wouldn't, but he was still beyond grateful.

Though after lasting two seconds thinking about it, he figured he'd just grab some snacks and go visit him.

Parking in the driveway of the modest two-story house, an unpleasant shiver ran up Leo's spine as he exited the warm car into the contradicting temperature outside. He knocked on the equally freezing door, not having to wait long before he was greeted by an unusual concerned look displayed on Sigmund's mother's face. She looked a bit surprised to see him at the door, but she couldn't get a word out before an unintelligible and distressed yell echoed from upstairs.

"My apologies, Leo, I didn't know you were coming. Sigmund is upstairs, but I'm not sure if he wants to be interrupted at the moment." She stepped aside and let him in, locking the door behind him. The warmth spread throughout his face and down to his bones, and he sighed contentedly, a small piece of calm before he was startled by another angry exclamation. A swear word he, frankly, never planned on repeating.

"Is he okay?" The taller man asked, readjusting the plastic bag he held. Maybe what he'd bought wasn't quite right for this.

"Yes, he's just on a call with somebody, I forget who. I checked on him a bit ago and he's very upset, but thankfully the walls are insulated enough that the neighbors can't hear him. I've been trying to tune him out until he comes down for any comfort." She sat down on the couch, taking a sip of a soda she had. "Feel free to sit down, if you'd like."

"Thank you, but I'm okay. I'll go see what's up." He made his way up the stairs, stopping every time a shout rung through his ears. By the time he made it to the cracked door, the vibrations of the blonde evidently pacing around his room could be felt through his navy boots.

"FUCK YOU!" Sigmund cried, a flash of black flying past the light creeping out of the doorway. No thump was heard, which was slightly relieving, but it was nullified immediately at the sound of Leo's friend uncontrollably sobbing.

Leo approached the door, knocking gently and standing awkwardly. The door was flung open by a disheveled and seething Sigmund on the other side, who eased up at the sight of him and dropped his shoulders silently. "Oh, um.. Hi." He stepped back from the door, trying to inconspicuously wipe his tears on his shirt.

Leo wasn't sure what to say. The emotion in his chest was different this time; not quite the same grief he'd been trying to deal with for months. It hurt without the crushing hopelessness welling up in his eyes and throat. He felt something bloom in his chest, hardening his heart while opening it up to the vulnerable man in front of him.

Hesitantly, he stepped towards him, setting the plastic bag of snacks down on the ground and extending his arms to Sigmund. The way he'd desperately wanted to, days and days ago. Without a second thought, he nearly fell into Leo's offered hug, completely breaking down and muffling his cries in the taller man's soft blue jacket.

~~

"Hey."

Startled, Leo and Sigmund looked up from each other, up at the stranger standing at their table.

"Oh hey, I know you. Aaron, right?" Sigmund pointed out, putting on a fake voice to try and cover up what they were both feeling. Leo simply folded his hands on the table and anxiously tapped on his skin. "You were in the newest season."

"Yeah. I know you guys too, no need to tell me or anything." Aaron rustled in the pockets of his white jacket, clearly trying to grab hold of something. "I don't want anything, I just came by to.. Stir shit up, I guess." He gestured for Sigmund to lean forward and whispered something inaudible in his ear, causing the blonde to put on his iconic shit-eating grin and cover his mouth some.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He mumbled, trying to hold back his giggling. Aaron smiled slightly and nodded, the former pulling his jacket over his nose to muffle his laughter. The dark brunette then turned to Leo, pulling out a folded up piece of paper and putting it in front of him.

"You don't gotta open it right now. I just figured you might want it."

Those words repeated in Leo's head the entire way back to Sigmund's house, he was (they both were, frankly) dying to see what it was. As soon as they parked, they flew in the house and up the stairs, holing themselves up in Sigmund's room.

"Okay open it, I think I might explode if I don't know what it is." The blonde threw himself on the bed, flipping onto his stomach and leaning his chin on his palms. The taller sat next to him, delicately opening the mysterious paper.

The air went from warm, to very, very cold. They exchanged no words, nor a glance, seeing a slightly weathered, signed photo of Ezekiel in his corny rapper persona.

~~

"Okay, I think that's the last box." Sigmund sighed heavily and sat down against the wall, twisting his soda open and taking quite an unreasonable drink. It caused him to choke and cough, but he couldn't care.

"Cool." Leo slumped next to him, also taking a (better) drink of his pop. The room was empty for now, but hopefully unpacking everything wouldn't take forever.

"Jesus, why is all my shit so heavy? Are you sure you didn't hide a vintage brick collection in my boxes?"

"Last I checked, I don't collect bricks, but you never know. Maybe I did."

Infectious giggles filled the vacant space of the room, causing the two to almost spill their drinks on each other. When Sigmund calmed down, his eyes caught on the already assembled desk table. "Hey, since that's already up, we could probably fill it with stuff. You still tired?"

"Nope. Let's do it."

Simultaneously singing along to the likes of 2010's hits and popular emo music ("Is it true emo though?" Leo asked, to which Sigmund shrugged and said "Who cares, it's good.") while unpacking stuff for the table, it seemed to get faint when Leo picked up the picture of Ezekiel he framed years ago.

It had gotten a little dirty before he'd put it behind the glass, but it still nearly looked as good as when he'd got it. He knew now that it definitely couldn't look like it did when it was taken, but he didn't care. It didn't make it any less special.

"Put it there, I can surround it in dinosaurs." Sigmund pointed to a specific area of the table, holding a clump of plastic dinosaurs in the other hand. Leo chuckled softly as he gently placed the frame on the table, helping surround the picture with not so menacing looking creatures.

"Perfect, now he will never leave and can forever live in fear of these dollar store prehistoric.. Things."

Stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets, he blinked back some tears as he smiled. A familiar, loving warmth took up all the space in his heart.

"Yeah. Forever."