"what do you remember?"
"what do you remember?"
blinding lights, loud noises. shouting. the memory of the pain is fuzzy at best, but the feeling of his body pulling apart echoes across his skin.
a blinking red dot. the sound of his name being called from underwater. the number, over and over and over and over and
"nothing." adam's voice sounds outside of him. "nothing at all." he shakes the images out of his head, blinks to refresh his vision.
there are objects on the table–a pen, salt and pepper pots, a hair clip–he’s moving them about in a way that hopefully looks purposeful and necessary. everything feels frigid on his clammy hands.
"oh, that’s a shame," shu’s voice sounds far away, and a little like emptiness. the truth feels stuck in adam’s throat.
shu starts to say his lack of memory could be a positive, and inside adam’s chest, that part of him that always wishes he remembered nothing at all feels warm, comforted, vindicated. he starts to feel a little safer, and a little.. disappointed.
because the part of him that wishes he remembers nothing is familiar, it’s old, cast in iron and beginning to rust. but there's another part that wants the opposite. one that is much more surprising; unfamiliar, perhaps even older.
the craving to be known, the desperation to be rid of a terrible, terrible loneliness.
"but if something ever does resurface," blinding lights, loud noises, shouting, red dot, "let me know,"
adam suddenly finds himself looking into shu’s eyes. when he speaks shu sounds a little unnatural, but his tone is certain despite unsure words.
"i mean, you can tell me," he rushes. adam stares. his chest is tight. "you don’t have to, but, you always can." he can’t.
blinding lights, loud noises, shouting. the number, the number, his name being called from underwater.
"i want to hear."
the memories are muffled and pushed to the back.
shu doesn’t say anything more, but his eyes echo that sentiment so distinctly adam hears it on loop in his head. "i want to hear, i want to hear, i want to hear."
not for the first time, adam finds himself believing the boy entirely. dangerous. says fear. exciting. says another emotion. one he knows quite well, but hasn’t yet been brave enough to name.
