heyy! yeah!! so i just watched 5x04 and here are some take aways, but like...note that i haven’t personally written an endverse fic? i mean, i’ve read plenty (and analyzing is making me want to actually do it now), but still. also, a lot of interpretation is up for grabs, but mine will be a mixture between what i grasped from the ep and what i’ve seen as far as fanfic goes, so here goes nothing:

endverse dean has lost a lot in the five years he has on present (2009) dean, by which i mean that he’s lost bobby and he’s lost sam to lucifer, and presumably a fair amount of others that were close to him to the virus. because of this, there’s this build up of regret and pain that is buried very deep into who he is. he puts up this front as exactly what cas calls it—a “fearless leader.” and i actually think cas would call him this (btw he says it multiple times when referring to dean within the ep) as almost...a jab? because he sees through dean’s facade,, i mean, all they have is each other, right? cas knows that dean is severely Messed Up. if not a jab that cas knows dean well enough to see through the fearless leader act, then perhaps calling him that is more of a way to remind him that this is the guise dean has decided to put up—he should keep to it, and cas will keep to his.

by this i mean that i also feel like cas’ demeanor—his seemingly laid back attitude and calmness—is largely a projection of who dean used to be. and i think dean expects him to maintain this visage, to be who dean once was—at least, outwardly. you can see this with how cas puts his feet on the table, how he seems to smile easy, laugh at what present dean says (and agrees with him more than once), and not to mention comments that he likes (loves) “past dean.” i mean, damn it, cas could almost even be described as “cocky,” which is exactly the word endverse dean uses to describe present dean. 

it’s only when he has a moment alone with dean, when he’s asked about it point blank, that cas tells present dean that he feels “all but useless” now that he has no powers. once again here comes cas’ need to feel needed, to feel like he can be of use in one way or another (which, although he tries, he doesn’t seem to be getting that from endverse dean enough to feel this way, hence the drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms/tools to keep up appearances). just from their interaction when planning the attack on lucifer, i got the feeling that dean has been protective of cas, but maybe it’d be more correct to say he’s protective of the version of himself that he sees in cas. and cas—with his resigned “Oh-kay”’s when he tries to help—always lets dean have the final word. 

Fanfic: *otp is about to kiss*

Phone: *plays romantic music*