#a part

John Green helped me, though he may not have known at the time, stay here. He helped me keep myself. When I stumbled across Looking For Alaska at 14 years old, I hated everything about myself. I hated the people around me. I hated school and I wanted to disappear.

But in reading about Alaska’s self-destruction and Pudge’s unwilling help and misunderstanding, I felt the need to share this book with people I trust.

They told me that I reminded them of Alaska.

And I didn’t want to do that to my friends. I wanted to be able to get stronger and better and to love myself again and John Green helped me. He helped me love myself.

I met him at the National Book Festival in 2012. He met a lot of Nerdfighters there and I’m sure he doesn’t remember all the faces, but when I handed him my beat up, water damaged, highlighted in, taped together copy of Looking for Alaska, I cried and he held the book and told me that it felt loved. And it was the greatest experience of my life.

I had learned through the past couple of years about Nerdfighteria, vlogging, DFTBA and all of those other channels and organizations and I became engorged in them, helping and fixing and donating as much as a poor high school student can donate.

Knowing that I was part of something so important, so wonderful, life changing/altering made me really happy. And I could not possibly thank Hank and John Green enough. For my music project, I played Hank Green’s “I Don’t Have a Favorite Pony”.

Hank helped me through biology, helped me laugh when I forgot how. His music propelled my musical interest and I wrote my Harry Potter song after he introduced me to the concept.

At the National Book Festival John asked the crowd; “Why do we all fall apart at different rates?” And I have vowed to write a book answering that question. And I will send it to him and ask him what he thinks. And I hope that somehow, I can help him and Hank as much as they’ve helped me.