#5.5.20

I always knew I had a horrible memory; forgetting entire trips my family would take only a couple years after they happened, but always thought it was just part of growing up. While doing research today, I even read a couple people say that memory is worse during childhood and this could be a possible reason. 

But, today, when driving through my hometown, my little sister asked my mom what the store was at our local 7/11 before it was a 7/11. To which my mom told her, but I realized that I didn’t remember that 7/11 ever being anything but a 7/11. And my sister is 11, while I’m 19. 

Now, remembering the specific corner store near my neighborhood isn’t really an important detail, but I just realized how much my little sister could recall and how much I couldn’t. I took a little memory survey today and it asked how I picture memories from 3-4 weeks ago. I had to look at my calendar to even try and come up with any sort of events that happened in that time period and realized, while I could think what sorts of things I were doing then, I couldn’t remember anything specific. 

Then again, these weren’t important events; nothing really exciting is happening in isolation, but thinking further back to just a year ago when my family went on a month long trip to Europe... I can’t remember anything. I know what we did on that trip, maybe even recall a few flashes of what the scenery was at certain times, but... no memories. Nothing that plays out, no specific objects, no recollection of what my family looked like at those times, just general close-ups of their faces if I try or maybe the memory of a physical picture that we took and I looked at later, but even that is sketchy at best. 

I can remember things more vividly if they happened the past few days, but still... nothing that really plays out. It’s more of I can see a picture of my boyfriend in front of me on the couch and I can see the environment around us. I can hear his voice or laugh without words of what we were talking about. Maybe I can see movement but that’s really because I’ve seen it so many times, it’s like a fact. It doesn’t feel like something specific I’m recalling. 

That being said, I have no problem with school and recalling facts. Honestly, it feels like my memory functions more as recalling facts (like, what a place looked like and how my boyfriend or roommate moves and what clothes they’re likely wearing) than it does thinking about an event that happened and replaying a scene in my head or even an entire picture of what I saw through my own eyes. The picture is so cut off or blurred. All I can see are certainties like an environment I’m so used to being in. 

I also wanted to mention my recall with faces. I’ve had difficulty in the past being able to recall faces; like I could recognize them once I saw them, but even a month after started dating my boyfriend, I couldn’t quite picture what his face looked like, often substituting with someone else who looked similar. And this has happened a lot in my life. 

Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. I just wanted to know if there were other people like me. Also, maybe I’m wrong about how memory works? I’ve gotten the vibe that it’s like replaying a scene in your head and you can just remember what you saw with your eyes. I’ve never had that. I can hardly recall what I saw through my eyes minutes ago. 

May 5, 2020

Briana posted this on her Instagram!

Caption -> Ok! I’m over this

And Wander High Loft Fleece Jacket in Cream

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Eleanor via her IG story • May 5, 2020