The last 24hrs has tested me and my will power in more ways than I thought I could. The final straw to break the camels back yesterday.
After a tedious few weeks I am being seriously challenged with thinking positive (#16) but even harder still, staying smoke free (#9) .... This is the hard one.
I quit cold turkey September last year and have had a few wobbles but haven’t broken yet....Last night and today, it is all i can think about... just one....but we know there is no such thing.....It was always my crutch in a time when I hit rock bottom, that and drinking, the perfect combination.
I am trying to process but my brain is overloading. Suffering from anxiety, depression and PTSD can do crazy things to you.... the thinking, over thinking, analysing, over analysing... but learning some tools for situations like this does help. Break it down, look at what the issue really is and come up with a solution for yourself, not anyone else.
Now to practice what I preach HA! Again, easier said than done.
You can always prepare yourself for the worst or know the day will finally come, but you still never know how you will react until it happens. Yet i still should have known better.....
The shock and initial reaction I need to learn to control. Something to stop my mind spinning out of control and loosing concentration. My brain hasn’t switched off for over 24hrs now and I still don’t know what to do.
I know i am not going to gave a cigarette - this won’t break me, I won’t let it.
Looking at this from a positive angle, it’s my life and I make the decision to put me first and what will make me happy. It may hurt at first, but may be the for the better long term?....it will all work out on it’s own? Just let lie and carry on??....
Over analyse....no, think positive....Over think....no, think positive!!!
