#4.9.2020

there is no stopping a train already in motion. it runs over the tracks and over your body, tied to the rails. it runs you ragged to the bone until you are a skeleton weathered by the waves and bleached by the sun. you remember the indent of the wheels across your skin, ground into your body like battle scars. it creates puckered flesh, healing to old white. 

this is love. it is painful. you are tied to the tracks and they are a train, barreling over you and owning every inch of your body. they mark you and make you their own. you are helpless against it, swept in the current of a riptide and carried far from shore. they are the hurricane and you are the beach, powerless to the way they crash over you and take all of you in. taste the salt on your lips and know you are too far gone to be anything more than useless in their arms.

oh how the mighty fall, fall in love like a waterfall cascading over the rocks. darling, you will see it coming right before it hits and you will be still, as if you are standing on the edge of a building and realize the ground is coming towards you as you fall. you cannot not fall in love. it’s against the morals of space and time. they love to tear you up inside, tear you apart from your fibers and spread you out to be reshaped.

that is love. i know you know it will hurt. i tell you that it will, a thousand times more than the burn of fire across your skin, the lick of a flame that tastes like bittersweet achievement. tell me you are afraid and i will believe any word you say. tell me you fear nothing and you are a liar who has laid their cards out bare. tell me love is the only thing to fear in war and i will know you keep your word.  

do not try to prevent the falling; it will only hurt more. love when it is given to you and love with as much reckless abandon as one could. love and love and grow weary and weep and break. you are the ocean and they are the sun. they dry you up, but you keep on giving. you keep on giving until there is nothing left and they burn—burn you up to dust and even then, you will give and give and give.

there is no not when it comes to falling in love—all you can do is take the leap before it takes you.  

September 4, 2020 - Day 77

Date: 4 September 2020

Duration: 1 hour at 10:08 pm

Depth:

After I finished the set of count breathing, I did the body tensing and relaxing exercise. Immediately after, I went back to count breathing instead of moving ahead with the Hong Sau. This is due to confusion created by the super conscious mind. I haven’t completely moved away from that part of the super conscious mind where one’s concept of time can be bent.

Memories cannot be carried into the super conscious mind. Their last stop is the subconscious mind. The super conscious mind can mix up the meditator’s sense of past, present and future. That’s because time tends to become a panoramic eternity here. Some exercises may get repeated here and that’s ok as long as it grants calmness.

l: la mayoría de las veces escucho la música, amor