#3typesoflove

First love: I gravitated towards my first love like a candy store. This love colours what little I knew of the world in just the right places. It is colourful and sweet, but it doesn’t last. The sweetness always seems to be temporary and as I grew older, I look back on it fondly. Looking back, I always thought that this wasn’t love. But it was. This was love at its innocence. It was love, as I knew it to be. Second love: This love left me broken and bleeding. I will live some days still removing glass shards found catapulted into pieces lost inside my heart. Some days it will seem like this love never died. But the lessons from this love are endless. Where I hurt, I learn to heal in love. This love is the one that teaches. I learn pain, betrayal, anger, anguish, abuse, lies, drama, damage and love. This is the love that taught me growth. I learn what I love about love and I realise what I hate. I learnt that not everyone has the same heart as I had and there are some who cut you deep and willingly leave you broken and bleeding. This love has taught me that vulnerability is scary. I am terrified at times in this love. This love taught me there were good people and bad people. It taught me how to be careful, closed, cautious and considerate. This love has taught me the difference between what I have wanted in love from what I deserved to have. Third love: This love masks itself in a shadow. It creeps up silently and hits you rough like a wave. There are no warnings or signs. It just comes. You can try looking but somehow; like a private investigator, it will always find you. Every wall constructed by you and your heart, will be broken down. It comes with bulldozer in tow, and a toolbox at its fingertips waiting to work. You will find yourself caring even when you never wanted to. You carefully try detaching yourself from this person, and by extension this love but somehow you’ll find yourself stuck to them. Again. This love is different. They may not look like your average type to like, but you find yourself falling anyway. You began to think that maybe just once, Cupid was right. Maybe just once, his arrow would blossom something beautiful within me and not bleed instead. Every day is both a lesson and a blessing with this type of love and you hope with every breath from your already exhausted out spirit; that it will last. You want it to last. For once, happiness is at your doorstep and you stand ready, to invite him in. We fall in love at least 3 times in our lifetimes. Each time we fall, love will teach us a lesson. But one thing that is sure, is that with every love ever encountered, whether ‘good or bad’; love somehow always teaches us that we can always begin again, somehow with hope.

Let me tell you three things about love. My first love was serene. It was innocent and pure. Sweet and bitter at the same time. It was good for me, and for him. A love that made me smile all day, but it didn’t keep me up thinking all night. My first love was like a little girl admiring a beautiful flower. A couple watching the sunset. A family and a day on the beach. It was something. But it was bound to end. It was quiet, demure. My second love however, was reckless. It was a love with limits that made me think there wasn’t any. I wanted to experience everything and anything, I wanted to feel loved without the pain. I thought, this was it. The ultimate love I was to experience in my life. But when that love left, it left me broken and hurt and I found myself crying in my mother’s arms. My last love, ah yes. It was beautiful. A love that had no limits when I thought there were. It was a love that brought out either the best or worst in me. A love that touched me, my soul, my being. He was the ultimate great love of my life. Our love was so strong, I could feel it in my bones, in my veins. It kept me up all night thinking, it woke me up at 2 AM missing him. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It made me dance in the shower, it made me dream. It was a love with a bit of serendipity, a bit of resentment, a lot of passion. It was a love that made me wonder why I thought I ever loved in the first place.