#brokenexcerpts

Why can’t it work out in my head? Why don’t I ever understand what I’m thinking of? Why is everything messy? Why is it such a blur? Why don’t I make myself happy?

Seeing all the excerpts I've written, I ask myself. Are the excerpts really broken or is it I?

Define love. ‘No, I do not want to define love.’ she said. Because defining love would mean putting limits and a beautiful thing such as love, can never be set parameters to, can never be caged. Love is a free and wild thing.

Let me tell you three things about love. My first love was serene. It was innocent and pure. Sweet and bitter at the same time. It was good for me, and for him. A love that made me smile all day, but it didn’t keep me up thinking all night. My first love was like a little girl admiring a beautiful flower. A couple watching the sunset. A family and a day on the beach. It was something. But it was bound to end. It was quiet, demure. My second love however, was reckless. It was a love with limits that made me think there wasn’t any. I wanted to experience everything and anything, I wanted to feel loved without the pain. I thought, this was it. The ultimate love I was to experience in my life. But when that love left, it left me broken and hurt and I found myself crying in my mother’s arms. My last love, ah yes. It was beautiful. A love that had no limits when I thought there were. It was a love that brought out either the best or worst in me. A love that touched me, my soul, my being. He was the ultimate great love of my life. Our love was so strong, I could feel it in my bones, in my veins. It kept me up all night thinking, it woke me up at 2 AM missing him. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It made me dance in the shower, it made me dream. It was a love with a bit of serendipity, a bit of resentment, a lot of passion. It was a love that made me wonder why I thought I ever loved in the first place.

I am crying out to you, yet you pretend not to hear me.