The last day and a half has been mentally and physically exhausting. Right after my last post erp woke up crying unconsolably, which has never happened before. We took her temperature and it was around 99. Gave her some baby Tylenol and got all the cuddles in. Thankfully, she eventually perked up. Pushed fluids the rest of the day and kept a close eye on her.
Today, she woke up much happier until she rushed at Saki and he swatted at her scratching her for the first time. She was sobbing so hard but wouldn’t let me comfort her, another first. Maybe because she either didn’t want Saki to get in trouble or because she knows I love him, too? She didn’t seem scared or mad at Saki and he seemed to feel really bad for what he did. Not being able to comfort my child in her time of crisis hurt my heart and the rest of the morning I paid attention to my feelings. I actually found myself getting jealous of her attention towards my mom. I gently reminded myself that I’m overreacting and I love the relationship they have and how comfortable erp feels towards her. But I couldn’t help but feel bad and slighted.
After a long morning of power struggles between erp and I (mostly food related, it’s always extra hard when she’s tired and cranky), I was able to put her down for her nap and sit down. Just as I did my mom came down from getting dressed and sat next to me on the couch. I politely asked her if I could have alone time and she, amazingly, thanked me for telling her and went back upstairs. Even though I know I’m taking care of myself by doing this and it’s all for the best, I feel guilty on all counts.
Going to try and decompress with some TV or something to comfort myself. All these big emotions and the new babe hasn’t even made her appearance yet. Hard knowing it’s all going to go up a notch so very soon.
