#38m

AIO for calling out my 38M friend’s entitlement to young partners?

I (red, 22M) feel like it should be pretty obvious that it's okay for a 19-22yo to not want to be friends with or have sex with a 38yo man (blue) but my entire friend group turned on me and called me immature for bringing it up.

Am I being overly hostile? Am I not explaining myself well?

Because I'm just really struggling to believe that this whole group would genuinely disagree with my argument on its merits. Or maybe I'm just wrong. Let me know.

Context: I met this man (blue) at a house party that someone I was dating at the time took me to (owner of the house in black). People were known to get it on at this kind of party, but the organizers were very clear about consent and no sexual activity in the common areas. At the time I was 20 and was a virgin outside of my first ex. Blue came up behind me while I was getting food in the common area and started touching me. He did eventually ask for consent but only after he had already been touching me for a while. We started talking and I was tentative but keeping an open mind. There was eventually some banter among a bunch of us at the party about whether I could take him, and I did end up agreeing after some pressure. When we exchanged contact info, I found out he was 38.

A few days later, we were talking and I expressed how I wasn't really comfortable jumping straight into a friendship with a 38yo man as a 20yo. I also noted that he seemed to be sort of possessive and get upset when I was hanging out with other friends. He got defensive and sent over half an hour of audio messages in response, which I ignored.

Over the last two years, it got a little less weird between us but we've never been very close. We ended up in this group chat together with many of my close friends (22M, 22M, 23M, 24M, 26M, 28M). He sent the message in the first image (addressing me) after some discussion about age gaps and it rubbed me the wrong way. He also constantly complains about this, even getting a lifetime ban from the party where I met him over it, so I thought maybe some constructive feedback would be useful for him? Apparently not.

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR Wtf, no you're fine for feeling the way you do, this guy is whining that his age causes people to feel uncomfortable. Boo-hoo. Find someone who wants to be with you then. This is my own judgement but I wouldn't trust anyone who's 38 hitting on early 20s ppl. That really rubs me the wrong way and you're correct in saying that there is at least a risk of an unhealthy power dynamic, people are allowed to protect themselves from that. Dunno why your friends are defending him, that would piss me off and make me feel like they are all not aligned with me in terms of my world view/values. Sorry op.

Edit: I do find it strange that despite his bad behavior you let it slide over time and remain in contact with him”

Notable explanation: “You aren't being overly hostile -- you're not telling him that he is weird or anything, you're simply trying to explain to him why a younger person might be uncomfortable with that. He's 38 and seriously needs to realize that some people just aren't comfortable with those age gaps even though you're all adults who can consent. This would've probably been a good DM conversation because your other friends reacting to the messages with "💯" and adding their own words is just fueling the fire of the conversation. I think it is worth mentioning that he is BANNED from the place y'all met at for a reason, and you experience this first hand when you met him. NOR and if your other friends continue enabling his behavior, I'd just drop them because it sounds like your 38M friend is eventually going to find himself in worse situations regarding consent..”

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