When I was young, I never thought I would ever be greatly affected by the death of someone I never met, never knew and never spoke to. I remember watching people cry when Take that split up or when One direction split and thinking “Dude get a grip” I never understood the pain or anguish someone felt when their favourite celebrity died. I just never understood it! Call me cold or heartless but because the bands I liked were still together, the celebs I adored were still breathing, I just looked on in a clueless wonder as to why these people were so badly affected.
But then it happened...and when it happened it fucking hurt! I lost my grandfather a year previous, I was still grieving over him, still fucking up my own life because of the grief and then when Chester died....that HURT! I remember feeling like, I had nothing left, I remember coming close to taking my own life and having to be spared by people in my drama group who were literally talking me down. I remember feeling so displaced and lost in the world that I just didn’t know what the fuck my purpose for being here was. I didn’t want to continue, I wanted to quit. Yet somehow I kept going....I had my family who kept me upright, friends that supported me every time I fell down and believe it or not, a dog to cuddle when I needed to just....feel.
Chester’s death made me realise how broken and bust up I was, how fragile my mental state was and how I needed to get help and fast! Three years on, I got that help, I learned to talk about my feelings, to take a load off when it was offered, to not bottle things up and in some ways explain myself better. I even got to understand myself better by taking some self esteem courses and learning why I think and beat myself up, the way I do. I’m always gonna have wobbles or days where I just don’t feel that great...but I know how to handle myself better, take myself out of situations and talk when I need to.
And thus....When I finally woke up to the fact that I ain’t bad at Digitally painting...I found enough strength to paint this, a tribute to the man who’s voice pulled me out of the darkness, who made it okay to not be okay and was a FANTASTIC performer. He was my Freddie Mercury. His death rocked me but I won’t mourn. I will celebrate.
This is for you Chester
@myfriendtheurbanlegend @savhcaro @untilthe12ofnever @vegetarianvampireduck @mulasawala @sunrise68 @frenchfrostpudding @purpleshield1548 @imelopsittacus @imo126 @reeselivesforeverinmyheart @mnemonicmadness @aragarna @caviezeldaily @suesskatz @superwholockedbeauty @dystopian-dez382 @angelus80 @elfpunk
Tag on
