Day 29 of the #31DaysOfLarry
Zayn loves nights out with Louis. He loves to lose himself in the music of clubs he canât name, loves running down darkened streets in search of adventure, loves the wild things Louis dreams up once they get going, things heâd never have thought of â like climbing up the outside of a kidâs playground or somersault racing through parks.
He loves nights in with Louis, watching corny movies or shit television with massive bowls of popcorn. Sometimes Harry will join them, though Zayn has threatened to dump his bowl on them more than once when they got a little too distracted.
He loves seeing them together, loves how soft and supportive and strong they are with each other, but sometimes he just wants to drag Louis away. Heâs not sure if itâs envy
He hates nights like tonight. Nights where Harry calls him and just says, âHe needs you, Z.â And Zayn will always come, because as much as he hates seeing Louis like this, heâd do anything for him.
Louis is curled up in the corner of the living room when Zayn arrives, letting himself in. His back is pressed to the wall, his knees pressed tight to his chest, his cheeks red and streaked with tears. Harry sits at his side, rubbing his leg gently. Zayn crouches on his other side, reaching in to hug Louis.
âHey, man,â he whispers. âItâs gonna be okay. Itâs gonna be okay.â
Louisâ body is stiff for a moment, almost frozen, and then his arms wrap around Zayn, holding him so tightly Zayn is momentarily concerned for his ribs.
âNothing is okay,â Louis chokes. âGod, Zayn, I just hate it. I hate it all.â
âI know,â Zayn says simply. âItâll be okay.â
Harry catches his eye, his hands twisting nervously around each other. Zayn nods. Go, he mouths. Iâve got him.
Harry nods gratefully and obeys, pausing only for a moment in the doorway to look back at them. Then heâs gone, probably headed for the kitchen to stress-bake or -clean or something. Heâll be fine. Zayn has bigger concerns.
He carefully sits down beside Louis, who hasnât loosened his grip an inch. Zayn runs his hand along Louisâ back, murmuring comforting words as Louis shakes beside him.
Normally, when Louis is feeling low, he turns to Harry. Theyâve been through so much together, they understand each other like no one else can. But sometimes, the comfort Harry provides is twisted together with the pain until it hurts almost as much to have him as to miss him.
Those are the nights when Harry calls Zayn.
âIâm sorry,â Louis whispers after what feels like an eternity. âI know you have your own stuff, and this all probably seems-â
âDonât apologize,â Zayn says, his voice slightly sharper than he means it to be. He softens it as he continues. âYou have every right to be angry, to be hurt. Anyone would be. Itâs not a competition. Youâre so strong, Lou, but the stuff youâve had to deal with⌠it would fuck with anybody.â
âI justâŚâ Louis bites his lip. âI hate that I canât protect him. I hate that no matter what I do, itâs never enough.â
Zayn wants to tell him it is enough, wants to tell him Harry wouldnât ask for anything more. He knows thatâs what Harry would say. He also knows thatâs why Louis doesnât want to tell Harry, doesnât want to burden him further. Itâs not about whether itâs enough for Harry. Itâs not enough for Louis.
âI can never decide what hurts worse,â Louis continues. âLying, or watching Harry lie. Going on stunts, or watching Harry go on stunts. And I know it hurts him too, either way. And thereâs just â nothing I can do. Iâm helpless.â He chokes on a sob, and Zayn rubs tiny circles into his back.
Louis has always needed to protect people. He comes off as immature and irresponsible, but as much as he loves running wild, causing chaos and making mischief, heâs always the first one to notice when someone is feeling down or uncomfortable or afraid. Heâs always the first one to volunteer for the hard jobs, or to pitch in for a charity event. Helping is in his blood, so being helpless⌠he almost doesnât know who he is without it.
Harry always wants to fix it when Louis gets like this. Zayn wishes that were possible. But these nights are the nights when Louis is most honest with himself, and that honesty aches, but itâs also healing. He has to break himself open in order to be able to breathe again. Zayn canât fix that. No one can. All he can do is sit with him, and bear witness â tell him, Iâm here, I see you, youâre real.
Harry reappears in the doorway with a pair of steaming tea mugs, which Zayn takes gratefully. He presses one into Louisâ hands, wrapping his icy fingers around it and lifting it to Louisâ lips. Louis sips obediently, shivering as the burning liquid courses down his throat.
âYouâve got this,â Zayn murmurs. âYouâre braver than you believe, and stronger than you think. Youâre a survivor, Lou. A fighter.â
Louis takes another sip and says nothing. His eyes are still damp, his face still drawn, but his breathing is easier. Zayn gives it five minutes before he starts to droop. After a good nightâs sleep, heâll be okay â exhausted, and not as lively as usual, but okay.
Four minutes and twenty-six seconds later, Louisâ head tips onto Zaynâs shoulder. He pulls himself upright, blinking hard, but Zayn knows itâs time. He pulls the half-empty mug from Louisâ limp grasp and sets it aside, then scoops Louis up. He feels almost feather light in Zaynâs arms, and fits perfectly. His head rests against Zaynâs collarbone, his breathing slow and deep.
Zayn carries him upstairs, and Harry finds him as he lays Louis on the bed. They tuck the blankets carefully around him, and Harry presses a soft kiss to his forehead. âIâm going to say goodnight to Zayn, okay babe?â he murmurs. âThen Iâll be right back.â
Louisâ head moves slightly in what might be a nod, and Harry and Zayn step into the hallway, pulling the door almost closed behind them.
âHow was he?â Harry asks quietly, waiting for Zaynâs signal â whether he heads for the door, or for the guest room thatâs been designated as Zaynâs. Itâs almost a barometer of its own; he doesnât stay over every time, but sometimes Louis wakes up again in the night. And tonight wasâŚ
âNot good,â Zayn says honestly. He heads down the hall to the guest room, and Harry follows him with a worried sigh. Louis sometimes asks him not to tell Harry what he says, and Zayn lies and says he wonât, and Louis pretends to believe him. It doesnât feel dishonest. Thereâs nothing Louis and Harry donât share, but there are some things Louis just canât say. âHe feels guilty that he canât protect you. That no matter what he does, what he takes on or what you do, it still hurts you both.â
Harry nods. âI do too,â he admits. âI donât know how to fix it.â
âYou canât,â Zayn says simply. âYou just be there for him. Just like he will be for you. Just like I am for both of you, and Niall, and Liam. Weâre a team. Weâre a family.â
âThank you,â Harry says as they reach the door. He reaches out, tugging Zayn into a hug thatâs half gratitude and half a desperate need for comfort.
Zayn hugs him back. He feels both too. Heâs grateful that Louis trusts him enough to open up to him. Heâs grateful that Harry trusts him enough to call him. Heâs grateful to know that they both have his back on the nights when he needs them. But he so desperately wishes that none of them needed it.
....sorry? I didnât realize this was going to be an angsty one from the prompt, but as soon as I started forming the scene, it was. I think a part of me just wants to rebel against expectations, against whatâs obvious or easy. Or maybe I just have too many emotions and want to give them all away. Like Oprah. You get an emotion! You get an emotion! Everybody gets an emotion!
Anyways, if youâve forgiven me for this, please consider reblogging or commenting. Honestly, Iâm okay with messages accusing me of cruelty too (I probably deserve that...). If you liked what you read (masochist) and want more, you can find more of my work here (I swear itâs not all angsty!!!). If youâre able, please consider donating to Louisâ birthday drive or Harryâs birthday drive. And be sure to check out the giveaway!