#30daysofdid3

Day Twenty-Two: Tell us about your littles.

Laurelann: 3 years old, kind of a core, very sweet and oblivious

Tisa: 3, introject, silly

Nan: 4

Peter: 4, loves superheroes, funny and kind

Alice: 5-7, age slider, very religious, kind of a gatekeeper

Celestine: 8, loves fantasy! she is a lot like Luna Lovegood

Day Twenty-Three: Do you have an inner world? If so, who can access it? What’s it like?

Yes, we do! everyone but the subsystem can access the main headspace. It is a very very large castle! It has a large main room with a round table, very much like King Arthur. There are a few rooms that act like living rooms. Then many many rooms for each of us and then some areas we have not been too. As well as dungeons and some space around the house.

Day Twenty: Do you have a favourite book or TV show about or including DID?

United States of Tara is the only TV/Movie representation that seems to not make us terrible monsters but is overt DID which is totally different from our life, and then some info they give is incorrect.

A few autobiographical stories are pretty good. Today I’m Alice is okay.

Day Twenty-One: Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s).

Persecutors:

Shadow man is a persecutor who parrots things abusers said to us. He also will attempt to replay abuse. He's pretty non-communicative and will hide sometimes. But continuously hurts the little alters. Chad tries to make us doubt and forget our abuse, and calls us weak, but isn’t violent like SM.

Protectors:

Niko protects the young alters from inside and outside, is incredibly calm and believes himself to be an angel. Max is protective of outside threats that make us feel unsafe especially from physical threats, He can only really be empty or incredibly angry. The Doctor a protector introject of the doctor also plays a caretaker role. Orion acts mostly as internal protection.

Gatekeepers:

Day Sixteen: Where, as a system, is the safest place for you? Why?

Our friend’s places I suppose. Or alone. Away from our family in a lot of ways, but with our medical issues stress is kind of everywhere.

Day Seventeen: Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?

Nan, Maddy, The Doctor and Mel i would like to get to know more about them! Nan i would like to help as she seems to be sturggling a lot. I know Derky best!

Day Fourteen: To whoever’s fronting; what’s your favourite item to have around when fronting? Is it yours or do you share with other alters in the system?

I have to have my phone, which belongs to all of us. I also like to have my earbuds which again are all of ours. I’m more attached to our medical alert necklace, i mean thats all of ours too bu i stim with it and others don’t. -Alex

Day Fifteen: What song(s) do you relate to your DID?

Nothing really specfically with our did. some songs i relate to trauma and mental health in general thouse i have lots.

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue 

Broken Girl by Matthew West

Dance Music by The Mountain Goats 

Family Portrait by Pink

Flowers of Flesh and Blood by Nicole Dollanganger

Heaven by Troy Sivan

Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park

Nobody’s Home by Avril Lavinge

Phantom Pains by Nicole Dollanganger

Praying by Kesha

Sober by Demi Lovato

Superman by Five for Fighting

Talk Me Down by Toy Sivan

Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?

We have done so, but not recently since we split again and discovered other alters. We do have list and descriptions of alters saved.

Day Eleven: How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front?

we have little control over switching it tends to be pretty willy-nilly but also does work around triggers like scary people or perceived anger triggering max, or long stress periods often brings out Derky and Michelle.

Day Eight: How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?

I noticed the voices and time loss before and heard my friends experience with OSDD I looked it up and was worried something like this might happen to me. I talked to my therapist to see if that was what actually going on or if it was something else. I was diagnosed with DID and it made so much sense when they explained what it was and then I read more. It was great to understand what was actually happening, I now see a DID specialist who helped us work out how to communicate better and helps with trauma stuff. Having her understand and affirm again the DID diagnosis was great someone who really knows what treatment needs to look like is better especially after being tossed around because people “don’t treat that”

Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills? 

Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?

Day Five: How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about what dissociation is like for you.

We switch lots! Our home causes switching and dissociation along with the symptoms from our disability/chronic illness. We also have some non-stressor triggers for switching like needing to do ADLs or like certain music may trigger switches.

We still lose a fair bit of time with switching especially with “hard switches” caused by more extreme stressors. Notes and things are useful but it is hard with forgetting things.

floaty feelings and confusion are pretty common. We have super clear moments but a lot of frustration with a lot of time in slightly hazy situations. Including lots of depersonalization.  

Celestine & Mel exists in kind of constant confusion including dissociation.