#2amramblings

Heyy people (by ‘people’ I mean myself and my 3 other followers, of which I am sure 2 are bot accounts) I am byackkk. I know I took a pretty long unannounced break but it’s not like I stopped writing or anything, which btw is never going to happen ‘cause even if I go blind (which, if it happens, wouldn’t be a surprise considering how I’ve been exploiting my poor eyes these days) or lose a limb or get diagnosed with cancer or a brain tumour or some such major thing, I will still find a way to talk to you (again, by ‘you’ I mean myself and the 3 other followers, of which I am sure 2 are bot accounts) probably I will start a podcast or something... IDK we’ll figure that out when I become handicapped.

Anyway, I hadn’t uploaded anything ‘cause a few weeks ago my Ayurvedic ophthalmologist advised me to steer clear of any kind of screen. Why? That’s a story for another day, you guys. Till then all you need to know is that I have some dumb problem in my right eye which is really a pain in the butt, I’ll just leave it there. Anyhoo, because of that prescription, I had to diligently keep most of the gadgets out of my way for most of the first two weeks in November. And then what happened was, my other (non-Ayurvedic ophthalmologist) told me that it was okay to use gadgets and that it doesn’t really make much of a difference to the condition that my eye suffers from. So that kinda opened the floodgates and... I am ashamed to admit this but I will do it anyway... I suffered a relapse, guys. If you don’t know what I am talking about, well, I am an addict... internet addict, to be specific.

Don’t laugh at me guysss. It is a real problem and it is, in fact, worse than any actual substance abuse ‘cause the internet is not illegal, so there’s more chance of it going a) undiagnosed and b) uncured. Yeah so, that kinda took me downhill and before I could even make sense of what was happening, I had wasted even my last two months this year down in some obscure YT rabbit hole. Not a good note end the year on eh? Nope. Not even by the standards of 2020. Anyway, there are still a few more days to go before we finally get to say goodbye to this cataclysmic year so maybe I’ll be able to turn the tables by then. (Pfft. Who am I even kidding?!) 

Soooo, why is it that I find myself out of the YouTube loop (SURPRISE! SURPRISE!) at 1:37 in the morning, sleeping (at least pretending to) in the living room of my grandparents' house on the divan with the fan turned to a genteel speed of 2, wrapped in a warm fuzzy rug (which would have in normal circumstances kissed to sleep even the most insomniac of people) writing this blog? That’s because even though I was on a break I hadn’t completely stopped writing, as I mentioned earlier. I did write some reallly good pieces, at least good by my own parameters, but it’s that, for most of the past few days I’ve either been too sucked up into the YT rabbit hole to find time to type them all here or have been just plain lazy to do so. But this particular night, even as I plopped down on this makeshift ‘bed’, I wasn’t feeling exactly soporific and so I thought since I have no better job and also since I was getting slightly bored of YT (Whuttt?!) I might as well stop kicking then can any further down the road and get down to writing some shit at least. And anyway, is there any better time than the middle of the night for the best of ideas strike the mind? I mean, the bathroom time might seem like a tough competitor but usually I find myself whiling away that time exercising my vocal cords (Yup, I just confessed to being a toilet singer) so, as far as my case goes, it does no better than coming a close second. Also, some really good Backstreet Boys songs were playing on my Spotify shuffle in the background so it would have been really foolish of me to resist the urge to write.

An idea is quite literally like a piece of shit, it doesn’t care about who you are, where you are or what you are doing. Once it has decided that it wants to squirm out of you, then it very much will get what it wants and find it’s way out. So who am I to say no to it?

25.12.20

Thinking of how good God is and how much He has done for me and how faithful He is even when I’m not makes my heart swell with awe and admiration for my Heavenly Father, The maker of all creation, the Lover of my soul. 

Has it ever occured to you that what goes around, actually comes around

that you should never spin lies that you know you can't keep up with

that you should always be true to yourself

We used to be close;  but you're never once truthful - not once