#24th year

June 30, 2019. | 11PM

Turning 24 scares me a bit.

I know I should not be scared because the Lord is always with me, but yeah, I’m quite terrified. It’s like, I’m turning 20 again, when I was so anxious about being an adult and everything. I’m not sure why, but the crippling feeling of fear is heightening in me.

At 24, I would finally want to have a proper kind of savings and at the same time, cut my procrastination habits. I also have this habit of starting passion projects but suddenly abandoning them because of my lack of time. In short, my time management skills are getting poorer.

Maybe it’s the air of “adulting” that consumes me. I have a huge turnaround of responsibilities now (as mentioned in my previous post), and these eat my time for myself. I know I shouldn’t be sad at times over a blessing, but the human side of me says I’m feeling that vibe.

24 is something that I thought of differently in my past. When I was 18, 25 was my ideal age of marriage so I was imagining my 24th year to be a preparation year of settling down and being a wife, but look at me now. Sometimes, I still get to be a mess that needs to be untangled. At 23, I committed a lot of mistakes but I also learned heaps of things about life, love, and my craft. As a 23-year-old young adult, my thoughts never stop - I always think a lot, and it’s... deafening. My thoughts are my enemies at times, and I pray that at my new year, I would now master the art of balance.