for His grace, always

It’s been a while. Years, actually. Life happened and hit me hard after my 25th birthday and in a few days, I’m turning 30. I still write for a living in some ways but I can’t write for myself anymore… or I thought so. Just on a random day, I had this itch to try opening this blog again, and I’ve been reminiscing.

Major life update: I’m now a wife! My college boyfriend (who I’ve been writing about here for years under the tag #sixteen) and I got married last January 2025. It’s been 6 months, and it’s been so great, really. I love being married to the right one for me. 🤍

Other life updates:

• I’m no longer affiliated to any media / publishing company since 2022. I just got so tired. I’m still healing from all the work trauma and burnout I got from that industry, and mind you, it’s tough to heal from this.

• I’m now a cat mom! I miss having dogs (I left our dogs with my family in my hometown after getting married) and we’re planning to adopt dogs in the near future, but for now, we’re raising our baby kitten, Cheetos, together with his older cat brother, Henry.

• I can now cook! OMG, this has been my struggle since I started to work. As a breadwinner who had lots of jobs before, I don’t have the time, energy, and headspace to learn. But entering my wife life gave me the inspiration to finally learn, and my husband appreciates my cooking so much. He helps me to prepare the stuff I need everytime I cook and he takes care of the dishes and cleaning up after. Marriage is definitely all about teamwork, lol.

• I’ve been reading loads of books since I resigned from my last book publishing job in 2022. Last year’s reading challenge was the best: I read 172 books despite being busy with our wedding planning.

What's up, @ 26?

Hello! Been poppin' here and there at this space for a while now but still struggling to write for myself. Anyway, I just want to share that I recently turned 26 last July 12! I think the first time I've been here on Tumblr was a decade ago - 15 or 16 years old. I still keep this space to read my past shenanigans, experiences, and even heartaches (I used to write about my feelings a lot - what a cringe fest lol).

At 26, I'm back at being an active fangirl of EXO (I'm a Minseok girl!!). I've been in and out of the fandom since 2014, was on hiatus for 2 years (2018 to 2020), then back now at the same time they dropped their new album. My boyfriend gifted me the Photobook version 1 of Don't Fight the Feeling for my birthday (along with a sunflower shirt he remembered I like, uwu). Since the pandemic and WFH set up started, I've been trying also quite a lot of hobbies, jumping in from one thing to another, and reviving some stuff I used to love, like being an EXO-L. I feel like I'm a baby L these days because I'm new again on stan Twitter and I feel so tita as a kpop fangirl lately because of my age.

I also rekindled my interest on fountain pens and shockingly, it's become a fast process because I now possess 11 pens (2 are not inked and not sure if they still function), and I still want more from some brands - TWSBI, Lamy, Sailor, and maybe even a Pelikan. It's an expensive hobby and I'm scared to buy and commit myself for a pen that's worth more than 1k pesos (I'm almost there! My recent purchase was just on sale but its original price is 1k, haha). Let's see.

They say 26 is still young but I'm feeling the need to become more responsible lately, like, I want to buy a house for my family before getting married, keeping up with my savings and our wedding savings, and at the same time, taking care of my mental health. I wanna write about my struggles and mental health wellness also but that's for a next post, I guess.

disclaimer: i think this is the fault of the comeback of my interest in fountain pens

hello, fellow hooman. in the midst of struggling to survive everyday, there is a faint struggle in me lately - i'm not sure how to answer this question: where should i invest this creative energy i have for myself right now?

you see, i still work for 2 jobs weekly and even though they're not as toxic as my previous job, my plate is always full. it's overwhelming, the least that i can say. but i'm thankful because i still have time to read, watch on netflix, and even play (i play genshin impact on some days but tbh, i'm a noob there lol. i also play sims freeplay because duh, it's sims. haha), although there's one thing missing: my time (and maybe even the right motivation) to write again for myself.

this has been a long issue for me... internally. ever since i started working, i got used to writing for others. it's an everyday circus of words, paragraphs, and sentences, and during the very taxing days, i even commit the simplest grammar mistakes. my brain freezes in a middle of a subject-verb agreement and it sucks.

during those months where i juggled job hunting, interviews, and freelancing for a starting beauty company in australia, i've had a lot of free time. i thought it would motivate me to write something for myself again but no, i became this lazy, whining adult who pitied herself so much for finding it difficult to find another job.

now, i'm facing another dilemma: i want to try writing a story again, but now, enjoying the freedom of my own terms, yet i am still stuck in this personal writing block that has long been ruining me and my creative juices. i have new weapons in analogue writing - my fountain pens - and i just want to write and write and write, but i'm lost for a topic or idea.

Hey.

It's been 3 months since my last post here, and admittedly, that update was so emotional I felt like my writing is informal. Anyway, happy May 2021! Yesterday was Labor Day and thank God, I am already employed. Again.

After all those months of countless job applications and interviews, I still ended up in the book publishing industry. I work now for National Book Store under Anvil Publishing as their Marketing person. I am responsible for taking care of the company's social media, public relations, and e-commerce efforts.

So far, so good. I am enjoying work plus the people I work with are really nice and friendly. Everyone is ready to help and guide me, and my boss gives me the freedom to fully strategize the marketing efforts, especially for social media. Her exact words: "Yeah, see what works." There is an underlying pressure there, but at least I get to explore stuff. I love researching and creating content, especially for books.

Anvil's roster of book titles have such versatility in them. I am amazed that the known pillars of Philippine literature are with them, both in fiction and non-fiction titles. Oh heck, why am I even surprised? The company's been publishing globally ready books for 30+ years.

When I got interviewed and offered a job here, I immediately understood what God's promise is for me: That He is there to listen and fulfill my dreams in His best time - when He knows I've already grown in my waiting time. All the jobs that I've had in the past are products of my waiting time for the Lord's movement in my life. For me, this is where He teaches me to fully surrender to His plans. It's a cliche thing to say, but I have years of experience and building my relationship to Him as a testimony. Waiting time in the Lord is a painful process, actually, but I can attest that my metamorphosis with Him is a beautiful thing I would always be proud of.

All His, not mine. Never mine. All glory are His and His alone.

i don’t know the extent of how long will i continue to be distracted on things, on how formal or informal this post would be, and how long i will and can write for this entry, but january has been a month of extreme feelings for me - some sort of hopelessness and desperation on my job hunt, and a bit cathartic on things that i learned to let go and finally accept that i do not have the tiniest bit of control with. 

you see, i have started my job hunt 2 months ago, during last november 2020, when i was informed that i will be retrenched, along with 5 other team members, but i still haven’t landed any concrete job offers (i actually had one but i had to turn down due to conflict of schedule + a not-so-wise choice of location because they’re super out of my way and would require me to work outside our home every single work day, lol) and it’s frustrating. there are days where i feel so worthless - like what’s happening? why am i not landing a job despite having an extensive resume and work experience? i practically have work experiences and skills of a whole department, but still, no one is offering me anything.

i read my Bible almost everyday. okay, this part will be a confession - sometimes, i feel so hopeless that i cannot even believe that my devotions would happen anytime soon. then, i recently came up to my senses: maybe i wasn’t able to find the answers yet because i’ve been so impatient and very worried, even if God says He has plans for me, and that He works in His own timing. i keep on saying in my prayers that i trust Him and His time and ways, but then again i get easily discouraged. where is the trust there, self?

to be honest, the job hunt is so taxing. it’s been a full 2 months cycle of interviews, introducing and re-introducing myself, countless sentences of attempts to make these recruitment officers to get to know me and my work background better, and just hours of doom scrolling on job posting websites. 

oh january, you are such a testing month. what a great way to start my 2021. 

Henlo, all. I guess a lot has forgotten about me in this platform.

I’ve long been inactive in my blog for some reasons - a very demanding job, a tough year, and a struggling creative side. 2020 is that year of the cliches for me because it was definitely not good for me, and at the same time, did take a huge toll on my mental health, which resulted to my lack of inspiration to even write for myself. Yes, I still write on my planners and journals (which was what improved on 2020 - the only good thing!!!), but I find my writings for 2020 shallow and not the best that I can. I miss the kind of writing I was doing during my college years.

Also, I have not read nor even finished a book for some time now. In fact, my MIBF 2019 haul still remain untouched (huhu) and it was ironic because until the end of 2020, I work in book publishing. What I read in 2020 were only the Bible and books at work (which are okay, but I just really miss international YA and fiction). Reading gives me a lot of inspiration for my writings, and with my long hiatus as a bookworm, I really think that’s a huge factor which contributed to my writer’s block for years.

Just this early evening, I suddenly became inspired to just start typing and try to write for myself and this blog again. Hence, me contemplating if I can restart my small space on the Web through words. You see, I’m still trying to do creative digital work for me in Instagram, and I evolved it last year by re-opening my dormant Youtube channel. I’ve been thinking about starting creative planning and journaling vlogs for a while now and before the pandemic, I’m this busy bee who gets a lot of ideas anywhere in building my creative brand BUT I don’t have the time. The force to stay at home helped me start something I feel like doing, and I don’t regret making it possible for 2020 - in fact, it was one of my 2020 highlights.

I just miss this blog. I miss having deep brainstormings with myself and thinking about poetry and prose while I struggle to weave words together to express a kind of emotion I’m having at the moment. I’m still thinking whether I’ll stay here or transfer to another platform (Wordpress? Medium? Wix? WHO KNOWS LOL) to be able to totally have a fresh year of writing. It’s too early to say, I guess. Let’s see.

December 31, 2020 - Today's the last day of the year, and my last day with ABS-CBN Books.

2020, as cliché as this may sound, is one hell of a year. It will be an understatement to say how tired, stressed, anxious, melancholic, and even angry I have been this year. There have been a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs lol), quite a few friendships and connections lost, and a number of questions I don't even know how to answer. Career wise, it's been a tough year of swift transitions and unexpected turnout of events, and given the very controversial and challenging state of our company, among with the most of the 11,071 employees, starting tomorrow, I'm one of those wounded warriors of Mother Ignacia.

I think I manifested it well throughout the years how much I fell in love with ABS-CBN the moment I stepped in to its compound back in 2017. I have the most extensive gratitude for my first Kapamilya family, MOR 101.9, but with ABS-CBN Books, just in the span of a year and a half, I evolved to a better person I never thought I would meet - both personally and professionally.

We’re down on the second set of 6 months for this year but where are we now, really? I never felt so lost like this. I have to be honest; I feel caged in this house - chasing deadlines more than ever while desperately trying to balance everything. Since the start of the lockdown in the Philippines, I wake up so drained everyday that on weekdays, I don't look forward to waking up. On Sundays at 10PM of a new week, I often wish everyday is just Saturday, where I laze around in the mornings and just check on work of an hour or two.

Anyway, just a short recap about what's happening to me lately:

I still have a job in ABS-CBN, but I lost my part-time job inside since MOR will cease its operations at the end of this month.

I haven't seen my guy since the quarantine but I'm thankful we're going strong more than ever.

I had a simple (and yellow-filled) 25th birthday! Quite far from what I envisioned but at least I got to incorporate sunflowers in it! My mom even surprised me with a paper sunflower she made for me!

I watched 4 K-Dramas this quarantine: Hotel del Luna, While You Were Sleeping, Crash Landing On You, and The World of a Married Couple. Next in line is either The King or It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (which should I start first?)

I’m almost on season 5 with The Big Bang Theory but I LOVE IT ALREADY!!

I'm finishing one of our fiction book series in ABS-CBN Books: Babysitting the BIllionaire. So far, I find Rosenda's character as a strong-willed woman who is also funny!

I'm trying to channel my creative energy in online classes and webinars in Skillshare and Patreon (good investments!)

(WARNING: This may be a very long post, depending on the level of my feelings in terms of honesty. This is a personal account from a Kapamilya on the franchise issue of ABS-CBN. Opinions are MINE and must not reflect those of the network and its management.)

If you've been a long-time reader of my musings here, you'd know this fact about me - I work at ABS-CBN. I am a Kapamilya. I'm a digital content producer for the publishing arm of the station, article writer for the brand I handle, and scriptwriter for radio, and I spend most of my time creating social media stuff and stories for two departments of the network. My main job is with ABS-CBN Books, and I do online marketing and I spearhead digital content and social media postings for our brand. I also have a part-time job as a radio drama scriptwriter for MOR 101.9's radio drama program, Dear MOR. My stories are being aired all around the Philippines on air and even online via MOR 101.9's Youtube channel.

I've been a Kapamilya for almost 3 years now. I spent 2 and a half years as a Digital Content Producer for MOR 101.9 (along with my experiences as a Production Assistant, Associate Producer - for a week - and a Scriptwriter) then I shifted to a full-time, regular job when ABS-CBN Books offered me one (I used to work for Books only for NoInk, our digital writing and reading platform). Basically, my job experiences with ABS-CBN can be considered as the gateway of the dreams I've built since I was 10 years old. I've long been narrating this whenever possible, both here and offline, but me being a writer is my ultimate goal in terms of my career. I've been sure about it for a very young age and this is why I'm really grateful with ABS-CBN because the network gives me so much to look forward to everyday and to hope for more in the future.

Being a Kapamilya is tiring. Really tiring, trust me. Everyday, you're expected to be creative and top your previous performances. The work environment is a fast-paced jam-packed one, with deadlines and surprise additional load coming in between. Everyday, you'd get to see yourself challenged to become better with what you do. It's a process, a never-ending cycle, and a race to chase. Some would think it's a nightmare and a hell hole they'd choose not to involve themselves in, but for us, it's a passion cause and a privilege to be chosen in the network. On a personal level, the workflow I have to face everyday reflects my relationship to myself - it is a love-hate one that I have to keep on surviving.

Trying to enter ABS-CBN as a professional is not a piece of cake - you'd have to prove yourself over the tedious process of application, job interviews, exams, and professional assessment. I'm blessed to have survived it, but the better blessing is staying inside.

It is hard to concentrate at work when your company is in pain. Right now, we're bleeding the pains of press oppression and attack on freedom of speech. Our shoulders hurt as we carry the burdens of an unresolved grudge (which should have been a closed case during the Senate hearing because it was proven there that ABS-CBN did NOTHING against the law) over a childlike tantrum of someone who should have better wisdom, given his age and educational background. We're under the fire as people (who only know to do is to open their mouths noisily) call us names and tell us to do our jobs better without them even understanding how Journalism fully works. Trust me when I say that feeling overwhelmed after all of these is a freaking understatement because this is more than it - What we experience now is something that no one deserves to.

Woah. I can't believe it's been 4 months since I last wrote something for this blog - let alone for myself. I know I have been making the same excuses as I have been in 2019 - that work consumed me a lot and made me forget this space. I've also kept repeating the same promise but never fulfilling them - that I will try to write for myself even just once a week.

Maybe I did try because I have some entries on my journal where I poured my heart out on paper but that's it. I haven't been religiously updating even my main planner, my beloved Hobonichi Weeks, because I am so preoccupied with work. My job keeps me tied from things that I would want to do for myself, and it's an irony because I work for a book publishing company and reading (together with writing), has been my first love ever since I was a child.

I know I am not the only one when I say this - 2020 was straightforward with its plans to test us how long we can endure it. It's already May and ever since January, this year keeps on testing the waters on us. Because of what's happening lately, my mental health has taken a toll and my mind has been really hazy. I have no words to describe it and everything just feels heavy lately. I'm experiencing a lot of pressure at work and it's driving me really crazy that I need distractions. 

Ahhh, 2019. What a struggle. What a year. What a mess.

Honestly, starting this post has found me speechless for I don't know how I can really describe 2019. Maybe, it's a year full of stressful rides of rollercoaster emotions and unsolicited plot twists. Maybe, it's a jeopardy for my faint heart. Or maybe, it's a spontaneous reminder for me that life is too short but also precious at the same time. I'll never know.

Reviewing my 2018 year ender post, it was a review of wins and plot twists. While having a fair share of such for 2019, I can say that this year has been tougher for me. For one, I got busier. As in, crazy busy. This blog is an evidence of how busy I was this 2019, especially in the later parts of the year. I can't believe (and maybe, I'll find it hard to forgive myself) that I set aside writing for myself as I chase my dream of becoming a professional writer. Yes, even though I'm already working as one for the past two and a half years (almost), I still have to chase that dream. After all, I'm considered to be a young-bearing fruit in the industry, let alone in my company. I have to prove myself everyday at work, and that's where the struggle begins.

2019 is a battle of the unknown. I think I've never been this uncertain in things, and that scared me a lot. I got myself and my heart bruised this year. I've had loads of stuff in my plate but I still let procrastination and laziness rule over me. My passion for creating things stopped burning. I'm a mess and trapped in the middle of the chaos of surviving everyday. Saying that it's difficult is an understatement - it has been more difficult that I can put it into words. Thankfully, I made it.

The country’s favorite young artist and model Nadine Lustre is the new face of the Philippines’ leading mobile wallet, GCash.

The multi-awarded actress headlines GCash’s “What Can’t You Do?” campaign to power the dreams of young adults who constantly want to do more, to expand possibilities, and to achieve beyond their own expectations.

“Nadine is the perfect fit for GCash because she represents the true aspirations of young adults and is at that point in her life where taking charge of your finances is becoming more important. She shows how young adults can be independent and take charge of their own lives, and with the help of GCash, “What Can’t You Do?” means so much more,” Chris Manguera, Chief Marketing Officer at Mynt, which runs GCash, said.

After starting out as a singer in a pop band, Lustre evolved to become a much-sought-after actress on TV, with her primetime hits "On The Wings of Love" (2015) and "Till I Met You" (2016).

The 25-year-old actress has fared as well on the big screen, winning the Best Actress awards from Young Critics Circle, FAMAS Awards and the Gawad Urian Awards in 2019 for  hit movie, “Never Not Love You.” Her latest film, “Indak,” a dance musical movie, shows Lustre’s flexibility as an actress.  

Early this year, one of world’s biggest fast fashion brands, H&M, launched Lustre as its first Filipino ambassador. The actress, named by a top magazine as Sexiest Woman in 2017, has her own line of swimwear with H&M.

“She has built her brand and can create the image of a lifestyle that everyone will want to follow. We hope for that to happen with GCash as well,” Manguera said. “We also want to activate her big fan base to help spread the word of financial inclusion and empowerment.”

Lustre, who was voted Artist of the Year and Favorite Female Artist at the Myx Music Awards 2019, is a social media savant who has 6.8 million followers on Instagram.

GCash’s “What Can’t You Do?” campaign pushes the limits of what mobile phones can do for young adults with its innovative financial services accessible through mobile. With over 50,000 partner merchants and 20 million users, GCash remains the country’s leading mobile wallet.

August 24 | 7:34. More than a month after.

“I’m not okay” is an extreme understatement.

Obviously, work has consumed me more than ever before. Working for 3 jobs every single week is already challenging, and most of the time, I feel physically drained but I’m mentally and emotionally satisfied, at least. I get to work with books - I spend more time reading them - and I’m back to feature writing once again.

What I don’t get to enjoy now is the lack of time I have for myself, especially writing.

For the past month, I’ve been active on the watch out for stories - I go on movie dates with my family, and from time to time, I turn to Netflix for shows and more movies. Writing storylines has been my passion and focus lately. Yet, in between all of these kind of “research” I’m focusing, I lost focus on myself, especially writing for myself.

I hate repeating things but I’ll tell this once again: To work as a professional writer is my ultimate childhood dream but what’s happening with me lately isn’t what I was expecting to see. I have been looking forward to this kind of life since I was 10 years old. At fourth grade, I already knew what I wanted to take up on college - Journalism. I’ve worked for a year in the newsroom before transitioning to radio and entertainment, and now, I’m juggling to keep myself afloat in the production and publishing sides. I love it, but there were moments when I now hate professional writing itself.

Setting aside work, for the past week, I have decided to finally write on the notes pages of my Hobonichi Weeks. If you’ve long been a follower of this blog, you’d know how much of a stationery and planner geek I am, but this year was the worst year on that side of myself for me so far; I keep on failing to update my analog self. I’ve been using my dream planner for almost a year and I still fail on consistency. 

I did not have a really good birthday celebration this year. Last month, I turned 24 and I felt incomplete if I‘ll assess the whole wave of emotion I had that day. I was so busy with work, I did not have a proper conversation with my guy, and I was struggling with my finances. My mom was able to make me feel better by cooking one of my favorite food, but that’s it. I had nice photos of myself that day but I’m not sure whether the smiles I casted on those pictures were actually genuine or not. On my birthday, I wasn’t really sure about myself.

When it comes to socialization and relationships, I had a major heartbreak days after my birthday. It lasted for three days but I’m thankful I was able to patch up things with that person, but that heartbreak gave me the unsolicited anxiety that I was always denying and it’s actually what I’m battling with right now. Yet, I know that my God is good and He will never leave me. He will rescue me from this.

I’m currently praying for a lot of things - matters about my family, my anxiety and relationships, my productivity and creativity, and of course, my faith. I’ll never be a perfect Christian and lately (this is a confession), I’m not feeling the fire again. I’m so worried about myself and I feel lost in the middle of the wilderness. I’m trying my best to stay connected with Him no matter what happens.

June 30, 2019. | 11PM

Turning 24 scares me a bit.

I know I should not be scared because the Lord is always with me, but yeah, I’m quite terrified. It’s like, I’m turning 20 again, when I was so anxious about being an adult and everything. I’m not sure why, but the crippling feeling of fear is heightening in me.

At 24, I would finally want to have a proper kind of savings and at the same time, cut my procrastination habits. I also have this habit of starting passion projects but suddenly abandoning them because of my lack of time. In short, my time management skills are getting poorer.

Maybe it’s the air of “adulting” that consumes me. I have a huge turnaround of responsibilities now (as mentioned in my previous post), and these eat my time for myself. I know I shouldn’t be sad at times over a blessing, but the human side of me says I’m feeling that vibe.

24 is something that I thought of differently in my past. When I was 18, 25 was my ideal age of marriage so I was imagining my 24th year to be a preparation year of settling down and being a wife, but look at me now. Sometimes, I still get to be a mess that needs to be untangled. At 23, I committed a lot of mistakes but I also learned heaps of things about life, love, and my craft. As a 23-year-old young adult, my thoughts never stop - I always think a lot, and it’s... deafening. My thoughts are my enemies at times, and I pray that at my new year, I would now master the art of balance.

Hi all!

I have been so preoccupied with my career life for the past few months that I get to rarely write here. For one, I’ve been focusing most of my free time on sleeping (Nap time is so precious nowadays! Huhu). Another, I lost the desire to write for my blog again.

Anyway, I’m praying to come back on track for this month. I’m slowly grasping my new life aka my new work schedule, and I know it’s quite a while to get used to it. My body sometimes feels really tired with how my life cycle works nowadays and together with it is the feeling of sadness over me - “Why am I doing this? Why do I need to do this to myself?!” were some of the questions I was thinking when I’m feeling weary. What I can only do is to ask for the Lord to provide me the physical, emotional, and spiritual strength that I need.

It took me a longer way to go with this additional blessing from the Lord but truly, I have seen how faithful He is and how perfect His timing really is through my waiting process. You see, I’ve had numerous internal job applications at my current company, ABS-CBN, because I need to have an additional job to address my financial needs. As a breadwinner who sends her sister to college, my need to earn more is dire. I have bills to pay every month, I’m desperate to save for my future, and I have some wants and needs that I want to buy for myself. Most importantly, I want to be a blessing more to our church by blessing God through my tithes. My heart now desires to strictly observe giving tithes at church.

Through my devotions, I have witnessed how willing was the Lord to teach me the valuable lessons of waiting and at the same time, putting my full trust in Him. I’m not a perfect person, let alone a perfect Christian, but He knows what he’s doing in my life. He knows when to surprise me, which proves how He moves in His mysterious ways - and those ways are the ones which strengthen my faith.

Currently, I work for three jobs at ABS-CBN. I’m still one of MOR’s Digital Content Producers (praise God for He let the company add more DCPs like me because honestly, I really can’t balance the workload I had before), and now, I also write scripts for our radio drama, Dear MOR. Then, the Lord blessed me with my dream job in my dream industry - to be a writer and content manager for ABS-CBN Books. I work for NoInk, ABS-CBN’s multimedia reading and writing platform site. Basically, I have to read tons of stories, review them for publication, and write articles for the site. It’s something I absolutely love doing. If you know me well, you’d understand that reading books has molded me as a person and guided me with who I am today.

Just a back story: I originally applied for the Social Media Specialist post for Metro Magazine (another ABS-CBN Publication’s platform) but obviously, I didn’t get the job. The HR Officer who interviewed me then recommended me for NoInk (maybe she believed in my writing portfolio and writing credentials, lol), which was the gateway for me landing this job. I’m so amazed with how God was able to transform my failure into a greater victory. I cannot do anything without Him, and this experience just proves how much I need Him in my life.

Happy Father’s Day to all fathers out there and to all fathers of my readers as well! :)

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post like this (or any post, actually lol) here. I’ve attempted numerous times to write another edition of this series that I have but sometimes, I get so tired on Sundays that I shrug off the desire to write. I’m trying to get better with my blog writing habits, and we’ll see how this will go.

Anyway... here are some of my life updates:

Reading lesser lately. I have been on a reading slump again. I’m still thinking which book from my TBR pile to read next.

Writing scripts now for our radio drama. I’m now an official scriptwriter! It’s tiring but I’m having so much fun!

Listening more to the voice of God than the voice of the people around me... which should always be the case. I experienced not hearing His voice for quite some time because I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, which affected my relationship with Him. Praise God for His patience over me!

Thinking of how I can manage juggling three jobs soon! I’m working two jobs for MOR and I’ll be a part of ABS-CBN Books soon (which I’ll also write here on my blog in future posts). I know everything will be challenging but I’ll do my best, all for the glory of His name!

Wishing for more time for my art now. Also, for my passion projects! I’m having more passion projects when it comes to writing, and I’ve launched it on my personal Facebook profile. It’s set on public, if anyone’s interested. :)

Hoping to be back on track again!

Wearing more skirts again at work! I love skirts!

Loving the fact that His grace prevails over me everyday, despite of my unworthiness. *cries a river*

Wanting to watch Black Mirror on Netflix! Is it really good? Should I watch it? Won’t it affect my spiritual life? 

Needing to declutter my stuff and sell more of my planner supplies again! I have, like, really tons!

Feeling overwhelmed with how my life is changing lately, but still feeling blessed everyday!

Clicking on Pinterest again, as a part of my social media detox plan.

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I’m still having bad days and random anxiety attacks (especially at work, huhu) but I’m thankful that God never gives me any reason to give up. In fact, He provides more push for me to go on! 

PS. My birth month is coming soon and I’m not sure how I’ll celebrate being 24 because, for one, I’ll be so busy with my work transitions and such!

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Oh, hi. I guess I am back.

When writing has become the form of self-expression where I’m fully confident at, I was like, nonstop. Scribbling every thought roughly on paper, I almost felt like I was so powerful to have those kinds of thoughts - the chaotic but comfortable universe that I own solely was something that no one can take away from me.

... or at least, I thought.

When yellow became my favorite color, I first felt like there’s something about it that makes me feel jubilant and excited. While there is, I can’t help thinking about the real reason of liking the shade of the sun - was it out of joy or was it about me finding joy? I guess, the genuine me is found on the latter.

When my brush met my canvass for the very first time of my being, I had this electrifying feed of hope in the core of my being. There came a thought that maybe this was what I was after for - that maybe, the colors my palettes represent were the fuel for inspiration that I needed everyday.  Unsure of how this continues to work for me, my art remained to be an endless “maybe”.

We often find joy in the most temporary and miniature things - in sharing cold coffees at the wee hour of the night with someone special, in the touch of the waves at our feet, and in that one text message that made you giggle like crazy. While we’re at it, we cannot think of something that can make our hearts falter because we’re in the zone of getting ourselves fixated in that kind of happiness that we think no one or nothing can ever give except that time alone. What we do not unconsciously know is that joy is something we can find within ourselves as long as we strive to seek for it.

When love entered my system in all forms possible, that was when I was able to feel other emotions aside from the temporary delight I’m obviously very familiar with. It’s both a cordial and dubious situation and while it excites me, the longer it resides in me, the higher my anxiety became when it surfaces in my being.

Now, there’s this one great love that I was scared to say goodbye to, and it terrified the worst of me to think that I would lose it forever. Writing is that something that keeps me going aside from my art, and even if I try to turn my back from it, it still follows me and tirelessly pursues me. 

This is where I can recognize that kind of permanent elation I was searching for in the color of my favorite flower, in that effort of painting something for my sanity, and in that emotion where most people think is the most important for everybody to experience. This is where I can surely say that my writing is my forever soulmate in this existence, and it is something I should treat as the fortress of my essence.