#2426

I wonder, what do I believe in, do I believe in something, anything to the point that if I am to learn another truth that my world will crumble(?) The world based on fluid acceptance - of information from everywhere. I find it fascinating - the idea - that everything is giving us information and forms us and our beliefs - not just what we hear or what we see, everything we consume - where it comes from, the place, people... The story of all. Distraction in every shape and form. 

Sometimes I wonder, why do I look to the future that I’m not living now. I make myself feel like I have to be somewhere - some other place.  I question myself - where does it come from - is it something I really want. Is it the question for the ego or for the soul. Honestly, maybe I really am - up in the sky - send me back - to the ground. I’m good at being delusional. I didn’t see that before, but now I’m aware of that, am I. I love it in a way. Maybe it is a fragment/ a part of creation.

Since who knows when, I felt like I want to share this. Every time I felt like that I just brushed it off. Intrusive thoughts. And here I am. I don’t know why, but sometimes it feels heavy on my heart. I have never been in a romantic relationship. Still I made myself feel different kinds of ways. I would like to know what it feels like, to be in love - I wonder - am I even capable of that. A different kind of love. I hope I’m passed the phase - addiction, codependency mistaken for love.

It’s just all in my head. I thought maybe I can let everything go, but then we all co-create our reality. Maybe it’s something you have to go towards. You won’t know without trying. Where do I even start, while I’m not really meeting any people, haha. I don’t talk about this with anyone. Even people I know can’t imagine me being in a relationship with anyone. People inspire me, in their own way.

Maybe I have a different role in this world, haha... and if you have anything to share with me, I’d gladly read your story if you feel like it.